Maryland bans birthday invites in order to protect feelings

It’s natural for a parent to want to protect their kids, but has it gotten to a point that we aren’t letting them learn life lessons? A Maryland school has banned invitations to birthday parties, claiming that in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings they don’t want to do anything that would cause kids to get upset. Isn’t that crossing a line?

“You notice, you see up in Maryland there’s this school now that says you can’t have birthday cards, you can’t have birthday invitations, you can’t pass any of that out at school, you can’t have the cupcakes, you can’t have anything. And all of it is set up because people will get hurt. You’re going to hurt my kids because they weren’t invited to the birthday party and so they will be hurt,” Glenn said.

“Let me tell you something. My daughter I believe changed. I can tell you the day my daughter Mary changed, and I think she was in first grade. And I’ll never forget. She came home and she had a friend who, you know, I think we all you ‑‑ you know, as parents all of our kids at some point have a kid that, no, they’re not your friend. They are really not your friend. They are just, you know, they’re ‑‑ they’ll play with you when nobody else is around, you know, and they are just, they are just not ‑‑ they are just not your friend. Well, Mary had this friend and I remember, you know, Mary coming home one day and everybody in the class was invited to a birthday party except for her. She was the only one in the class. And this was her friend. And my daughter changed because she came home and she had convinced herself that it was okay. And then she had ‑‑ when she told her mother and I, she said it this way: ‘You know, it’s her birthday on Saturday and I’ve got to get her something and is she having a birthday party?’ Yeah, everybody got a birthday party. Did you get an invitation? No, but that’s okay. That’s okay. That’s okay. Just, I want to get her something and it’s okay. It’s okay. And she kept saying that, ‘It’s okay. It’s okay.’It broke my heart.”

“Now, here comes the hard decision. What do I do? Do I call the school and tell them stop all of the invitations? Do I tell them ‑‑ do I call their parents? Do I involve? Do I ‑‑ as a dad, and I contend this is the easy thing, and I contend we do these things not for our children but for ourselves. We could get involved and we could say, ‘You know, I want that changed. That shouldn’t happen anymore because that was too much pain.’ Too much pain? I think my daughter changed on that day, and I know my heart broke, my heart still breaks, still breaks. I’ve spent my whole life now with Mary trying to get her to say, ‘It’s not okay. It’s not okay. I hurt. It’s not okay.’ But she’s just put up this wall of defense. And I’m happy to say she is, she is growing past it now. She’s a ‑‑ she’s a miracle. She is ‑‑ she’s a miracle.”

“But anyway, what parents do is they get involved and they try to save it, and I contend they do it because it would have been so easy for me to be a hero in my daughter’s eyes if I would have said, ‘You know what, honey? I’m going to call them.’ And she would have said, no, Dad, don’t do that. ‘No, I’m going to call them and this is going to stop.’ And then I could have paraded around my house and I could have been indignant about it and I could have shown her that ‘I’m going to do something about it because now I’m her protector.’ And if I had enough and early enough, she will believe that I’m her protector when indeed I’m not protecting her; I’m hurting her. And beyond that, beyond that, it’s selfish because if I can do that, I can be her hero and be, I don’t have to go into my room and cry and try to be strong around my daughter and then come back out of the room and say, ‘Honey, you’re going to get hurt a lot. That’s the way life is. And I wish I could help you, but I can’t. And the world sometimes is an unfriendly place, and sometimes, sometimes people hurt you and they don’t even know. Sometimes people will hurt and they do know. And I know you feel bad because of this and you feel singled out and you now feel different, and I know you’re not going to listen to me at this point. It’s not going to make sense, but know this: Everybody who’s ever done anything worthwhile has been different, and you can either let it destroy you or you can say, ‘You know, it’s not okay. I have my feelings hurt, but I can move past that because this will make me a stronger person in the end.’ That’s a hard conversation to have and a conversation that your kids probably won’t understand for a long time, and you’re not their hero. ‘Dad, help me.’ ‘I can’t. I can’t. There’s some things you’re just going to have to face and I can’t help ya.”

“All of these things, all of these things come from, do you want to protect her in a small ‑‑ a big government that will protect you, do you want a big helicopter parent that will protect you all the way? I don’t care what your politics are, liberal or conservative. It only matters when you start telling me we have to protect.”

“I want to play this gun testimony from a citizen in Connecticut in a few minutes. The point of what he said was you were promised liberty, not safety. Liberty. You were not promised anything, except you could be born, and you have certain rights. Everything else is up to you. Teaching that in this society is tough and that’s what has to be teached because ‑‑ taught because that is what makes us unique and different. Everybody over in Europe, you can’t change your station in life, you can’t get around the machine, you can’t dream and become.”

“Here, you always have been. You’ve always been able to do it. And now more than ever before for all races, all groups of people, all different philosophies, that’s what needs to be taught, reinforced, and strengthened and that doesn’t ‑‑ you can’t strengthen that through the State. You strengthen that in your own families, with your own children.”

  • Anonymous

    It’s definitely not a beneficial thing when our enemies can see us being such shameless pussies. I’m especially referring to our most fearsome enemies; those residing in the border country called Washington D.C.

  • http://www.artinphoenix.com/gallery/grimm snowleopard (cat folk gallery)

    This is the ultimate in political correctness run amok to the extreme; nanny-state-knows-best and ‘no-one-must-be-hurt’ which is making wimps of many of the youth coming up in the school systems.

    Indoctrination and conditioning, power and control over the youth by the state; the counter to it is found in the family bond.

  • http://www.artinphoenix.com/gallery/grimm snowleopard (cat folk gallery)

    Life is neither fair nor easy; this state-driven wimping out of our youth under the indoctrination of the state is madness made manifest to ensure all are conditioned to obey the state by having no thoughts of struggle, advancement, self-fulfillment, or success of the individual.

  • Draxx

    As parents and for the sake of our kids and the other kids in the class, we always invite ALL the kids in their classroom to the birthday parties!  This way no one gets offended, they have to choice to come or not to come to the party.  We also add a note to the invitations, “Presents are not required or expected to attend, this is a Birthday Party to get friends together for fun and Not For Presents!”.  We understand that not everyone can afford to get presents, and will not let their kids attend if they cannot get a present for the b-day child. This note has made a difference on how many attend, also to make sure that no one is offended we make sure that every kid leaves with a Door Prize/Game Prize!  I have two industrial embroidery machines and will make a Custom T-Shirts for every kid that attends (my wife makes the design, our kids color the design, and I digitize/embroider the design so that we are all involved).  We buy $1 Tree T-shirts so the cost is not too great, and my labor is free.  The parents and kids that attended are usually surprised at such a nice door gift, but it helps build friendships (Some kids attend that don’t always get along with our kids at school, but when we treat them the same as the kids best friends, it changes them in a positive way to be more friendly.).  Also, usually the next school day after the b-day, usually most of the kids that attended wear their T-Shirts!  Other students hear about what t-shirts are about and they open up and become friends with our kids (sometimes in hopes of being invited to the next b-day party, and if our kids ask for others that are not in their class to be invited, we make sure that they are…).  We also understand that you cannot make everybody happy, but we do our best and try!  One kid last year really wanted to come to my daughters b-day party, but their parents made them go to a cousins party instead.  When I dropped my daughter off at school, that young girl came up and explained why she couldn’t attend (but was very sad, especially after seeing other kids in the T-Shirts).  So I asked them to have their parents call me after school, and when they called I asked them if it was okay to take their daughter out to a b-day lunch with my daughter and that we would pay for the meal, and they agreed to let her eat with us.  I made another shirt just for her for having a birthday lunch with us!  Now, that girl has been a very good friend to my daughter, and they spend the night at each others houses every other month.  It is the small things that make the difference…  But, we make sure that it is an All -or- Nothing deal with our kids, and that you don’t exclude kids because you don’t get along (we also try and make it a lesson in Forgiveness & Respecting Others Feelings).

    *Note: We usually don’t buy gifts but make them from scratch, this way the other person always gets an Original Gift from the Heart!  We don’t want our kids to learn that buying something is the way to get into to other people’s hearts, but by sincerity, honesty, and respect you will earn life long friends!!!

  • http://youtu.be/0iRCvDwF26Q Sam Fisher

    It looks like the nanny state is at it again. Here is an idea why doesn’t this so called school stay out of their Children’s business on how they like. School does not last forever and it is not the end of the world with a few children didn’t want to invite little Timmy because they have no clue who he is. I bet Timmy could care less.

  • Draxx

    The Awards for Everyone Program is a great example of what you are saying!  Not every kid is athletic or a brainiac, and through friendly competition they can learn what they are good at and excel in those areas.  But, when every kid gets a First Place Ribbon (because they don’t hand out 2nd, 3rd, or honorable mentions anymore), it Ruins The Individual Desire To Achieve!  We are only born equals in matters of the soul and not the Mind or Body…  I am not saying that we should make someone feel bad about not achieving, but let them work it out in their own ways (many become successful because they know what it is like to be a failure at something, and they work to improve themselves).  We are now seeing what the results of the Equality Act that Bill/Hillary Clinton started 15 years ago, and it is not good!!!  Kids are expecting to start off their work life as CEO’s Without Earning the Skills & Rights to be in those positions!  When everybody is a leader and no one is the worker, things Do Not Get Done (and allowing illegal immigrants to come be the laborers/slaves because Americans are too good to do it, is not the right answer…).  I am not sure how to turn this around except teach my kids by example!  But, that doesn’t necessarily trickle down to others…

  • Anonymous

    Is Glenn subject to stuttering lately? I’m finding it harder and harder to understand what he’s saying. Maybe it’s that new Texas air? 

  • Anonymous

    Wah!  I can’t like my friends anymore. I must like everyone equally or I’m a: racist, homophobic, hating, excluding, unwelcoming, elitist, uncaring, union-busting, misogynistic wingnut.

    I guess it’s come to that.

  • Anonymous

    This is a part of the extreme progressive agenda:  Everyone whines…I mean, WINS!  See, if you aren’t judged on merit, you can be judged on and rewarded for being, say, a woman?  Or maybe a muslim?  Or maybe being the child of an illegal alien?  Whiners are needy, and the needy vote for who takes care of them, and the progressives are there to play nanny in 4 year stints.   

    Doesn’t that make for a much easier way to shift power away from us worker bees and put the fruits of our labor into the hands of anyone who isn’t a white man (damn them) or, just an exceptional worker?  No bullying.  No hugging.  No birthday cards.  TROPHIES FOR EVERYONE!!!!  

    Isn’t it funny how American Exceptionalism has been replaced with redistribution of not just wealth, but opportunity, award, and reward?
     No.  I suppose it’s NOT funny.  But, then look at who we are dealing with here: Hollyweird-liberal types and their disciples who drop their kids off at school and demand parenting and protection from union paid teachers…The same folks who LOVE self-congratulation so much that there are now, what 40 different “awards” gala’s ruining my TV every year?  I wonder what would happen if we applied their same half-assed logic to their OWN professions and started giving every neo-celebrity in a movie an Oscar; you know, just for ‘trying”.  You’d see their heads explode and another SAG strike on Pico Boulevard in front of Fox.  Now that, is something I would tune in to see…(the exploding heads of Hollyweird…Longoria, you’re up!)  

    Now, as for all of this anti-bullying nonsense…I’m sooooo over it!  If parents were around to HELP their kids cope, this b.s. would never have seen the light of day.  I had bullies growing up and God Bless ‘em, they helped shape who I am today.  It hurt like hell at the time, but they made me strong in ways that they could never know.  That’s growing up -it’s normal and it builds character, whether we like it at the time or not.  We all need to take a few knocks in the life, although we hope they are few.  Bullying doesn’t stop when you throw your cap into the air after finals in 12th grade…They are in our offices, they are in traffic, they are our neighbors, our landlords, our teachers, our GOVERNMENT, and they are also parents of some children now.  

    Kids need tools and parenting, not sheltering and being put into a social bubble, because one day, they will run into a bully – and it may be their boss or their very own spouse- and they wont’ have a clue how to deal.  The only problem is that their livelihood or their life might depend on how well they cope and who do you think they are going to blame when they realize that they’ve been done no favors by being ‘protected’?  Well, I guess we’ll find out soon enough.  

  • Lori Cook

    This is not news to me. My daughter was not allowed to pass out her birthday invitations this past September so I made enough for the whole class and she still wasn’t allowed to. It’s ridiculous.  

  • http://suzeraining.wordpress.com/ suz

    so glenn what happened?  did her friend just forget to invite her?  perhaps her friend assumed she’d be coming and because they were so close didn’t need to send her an invitation?  what did you end up doing?

    without mary knowing, i would have called the mother of the birthday girl and said something.  after all, mary was the only one not invited — something’s wrong w/that.  if, in fact, she was not to be invited, then you have that talk:  life is tough, life’s not fair, etc.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=581834054 Ginny Auldridge

    children learn social skills by going through this kind of thing. When I was in third grade, I was invited, along with the entire class, to a girl’s house for halloween party. one other girl threatened me and told me to not dare come to the party. I attended anyway, and the girl that threatened me was shown up for the clod she was. I became best friends with the girl hosting the party.  the other girl lost the friendship.

  • Anonymous

    Quote:
    “Kids are expecting to start off their work life as CEO’s Without Earning
    the Skills & Rights to be in those positions!  When everybody is a
    leader and no one is the worker,…”

    Yes, we noticed this trend quite a long time ago, when people like Oprah would say “GOOD JOB!” to kids (and others) on television… and we would say, “That’s not a healthy expression. She should be saying ‘GOOD WORK‘!” It was clear to us long ago that the emphasis was being placed on POSITION, STANCE, more than on EFFORT, LABOR, DILIGENCE, in something as seemingly innocent as a common expression like “GOOD JOB”!!

    It’s a good reminder:
    We need to watch what we say because there are always hidden meanings embedded in our word choices, and those unintended meanings get picked up and transmitted among us until our whole culture starts changing in a negative direction.

  • Anonymous

     Beautiful! Your kids are lucky to have such thoughtful, creative, loving parents. :-)

  • Anonymous

    Yes, you’ve nailed it. The only way the STATE can “rule” over people is to wipe out the INDIVIDUAL. That is the entire thrust (goal, objective) of what’s happening in USA these days (and elsewhere as well): Destroy the individual and demand UNIFORMITY, CONFORMITY, COWTOWING TO STATE RULES, REGS, and (RE)DEFINITIONS OF REALITY.

    Instead of a free republic, they want a MONSTROUS BUREAUCRACY akin to the I.R.S. (“Big Brother Gone Wild”) surveilling, restricting, controlling one big mass of faceless, joyless, soul-less automatons.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Flower-Jasmin/100001664258607 Flower Jasmin

     I don’t think one should blame everything on nanny state. It is simply how rotten people got and that is what they teach their kids. I went to meet up with my kid’s teacher to know what is his school progress. Poor teacher had hard time to tell me anything he was trying so hard to tell me everything wonderful but I wanted to know his weak spots. Whatever the school does is because of parents-I am sure somebody complained or even sued them.
    This type of situations will become more common because the new generation of new parents are artificial bully protectors. We used to have bullies that the current ones are a joke in comparison and nobody was committing a suicide. Now everything is somebody else’s fault and they live with that motto.  

  • Greg Williams

    They claimed that obesity was a national defense problem, because too many young people didn’t qualify for service.  That is nothing compared to this problem.

  • Draxx

    Thanks, encouragement is always good to help keep us on track…

  • Draxx

    Exactly, Perception and Reality are two totally different things but are applicable to most situations in life…  Reality is based on Facts, and Perception is based Intellectual Biases (or can create their own bias)!

  • Draxx

    Not to mention the FDA has approved many things that they Know Will Cause Weight Gain and/or Poor Health (mostly synthetic products/by products, and Genetically Modified Organisms GMO’s).  And then they blame the people for eating them without being educated about the harmfulness (almost like we need an MSDS for Food We Eat).

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/GW6ALM3N2YFTOT6TN3GZGAHQG4 Frank Balcer

     I would have my kids pass them out anyway, during recess or on the bus. screw the political correctness.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FRFRKJJJA7KQMJONGHFITOZMKI Kris Tucker

    Jesus

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FRFRKJJJA7KQMJONGHFITOZMKI Kris Tucker

    Jesus did not get an invitation, either.  He received the ultimate rejection and he got through it. Are we greater than he?

  • Anonymous

    Growing a nation of pussys, one child at a time.  In this case, a whole damn SCHOOL at a time.  I’d like to publicly piss on political correctness forever.

  • CharlyO

    Just wait til these loons get a grip on changing the Constitution. But then, Maryland doesn’t look much like a very Mary land. It is looking more and more like an embarrassment to the rest of the country when you look at their recent political history.