Love was in the air as NJ Governor Chris Christie won his new object of obsession, President Obama, a teddy bear while the lovebirds strolled along the boardwalk in NJ. With his administration mired in scandal, Obama is trying to play his greatest hits – revisiting all the places where he got a bump in the polls. But the media seems to be missing one of the biggest stories from the day, and only Glenn had it.
And while many news outlets picked up on Chris Christie stepping in to win a stuffed teddy bear for President Obama, only Glenn and his special, investigative reporters picked up on what happened next.
“TheBlaze is reporting this morning that afterwards, the two made a sand castle of the White House on the beach and then frolicked in the crashing waves, playfully and gently splashing wanter on one another for about an hour. Then after Chris Christie played a game of shirtless beach volleyball, just in jeans, while the President cheered him on, the two departed for a dinner meeting,” Glenn reported.
“Instead of the secure limo, the President rode on the back of Christie’s motorcycle, tightly hugging around his waist from the back seat – or at least as much of the waist as we can get his arms around.”
“As they sped off, a handwritten note flew out of the President’s pocket and one of our Blaze reporters picked it up and it’s — seems to be — I don’t want to report it is, but it seems to be in Chris Christie’s handwriting and it just says: Watching every motion in my foolish lover’s game on this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame. Turning and returning to some secret place inside, watching in slow motion, as you turn around and say take my breath away.”
“Now, because of Christie’s recent weight loss surgery, the two decided just to eat a little lighter and they shared a plate of pasta at dinner. I don’t know why, but they were in the back alley of some place there in Jersey. They claimed it was an odd coincidence, they happened to suck up the same end of the noodle as they were looking away from each other, then they suddenly turned and found their lips touching.”
“The night ended with Christie giving the President a one hour private tour of Hurricane Sandy’s tour under the Boardwalk,” Glenn continued, “no press or staff were allowed, although the Secret Service got a little an antsy, because they did hear some moaning and they didn’t know if one of them was hurt or what was going on. One unsourced account reported hearing the following exchange shortly before the moaning began, and Christie apparently said, ‘Here we are, just the two of us together, taking the crazy chance to be all alone, because we both know that we shouldn’t be together, because if they found out, it could mess up both hour happy homes.’
“And the President responded, ‘How could something so wrong be so right? I wish we didn’t have to keep our love out of sight. Yeah. Living two lives, it just ain’t easy at all, but we got to hang on in there or fall.”
“And then suddenly, both in union, which is odd, but both in unison said ‘Secret lovers, yeah. That’s what we are. Trying so hard to hideaway the way we feel, because we both belong to someone else, but we can’t let it go, ’cause what we feel is oh, so real.’”
*Note: It’s not clear if the above report actually happened…but it’s probably better than anything that actually did.