'The Princess Bride' exposes Ted Cruz

Glenn was among the first to recognize Senator Ted Cruz's unique ability to remember and repeat things back exactly how he hears them. On radio Tuesday, Glenn and his co-hosts played some "incriminating" audio of Cruz quoting lines from the film, The Princess Bride that maybe, just maybe puts his "audio-graphic" talent into question.

"We're going to expose him as the fraud that he really is," Glenn said, jokingly.

Listen and decide for yourself. Start at 15:26.

Below is a rush transcript of this segment, it might contain errors.

GLENN: So glad you're here.

Ted Cruz won't be. We're going to --

PAT: That's for sure.

GLENN: We're going to expose him as the fraud that he really is.

PAT: Man.

GLENN: Now, we've told you about his terrific memory.

PAT: Man, blows the lid off his campaign.

GLENN: I was just going to take him down.

PAT: Oh, boy.

GLENN: We've done our homework. We want to play a little bit of something that happened in Iowa.

PAT: Mr. Memory, they call him.

GLENN: I want you -- is that what they call him?

PAT: That's what they call him.

GLENN: I want you to listen to, if I may, Mr. Memory and what happened in Iowa.

TED: One of my favorite scenes from that movie is if you remember --

PAT: He's talking about Princess Bride.

TED: -- is dead, and they bring him into Billy Crystal to Miracle Max to get a miracle. And Billy Crystal asks, "Well, you know, what is it that they're telling the story of that he needs to live to be with the Princess Bride?" And he doesn't believe their story. And so he blows -- remember, he says, "He's not dead. He's just mostly dead." And then he blows him full and says, "So what is it that you have worth living for?"

(applauding)

PAT: That's a pretty good imitation. But that's not the point.

GLENN: Yeah, it is. That's not the point.

PAT: Disregard that.

GLENN: He didn't come to us as a great Billy Crystal impersonator, did he?

PAT: No, he did not. He came to us as Mr. Memory.

GLENN: Mr. Memory.

STU: Uh-huh.

TED: And Wesley goes, "True love." And Inigo Montoya goes, "You see, he said true love. There's nothing more noble than true love." And Miracle Max goes, "You're right. You're right. There's nothing better than true love, except a nice mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is lean -- (laughter) but that's not what he said. What he said was to blave. And everyone knows to blave means to bluff. And so what happened was he was playing poker, and he was bluffing."

"Liar!"

(laughter)

"Shut up, witch."

"I'm not a witch. I'm your wife. After what you just said, I wish I wasn't.

The problem is he's afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, he's been afraid."

"I told you not to say that name."

"What name? What name?"

"Humperdinck, Humperdinck, Humperdinck."

"I can't hear you!"

GLENN: It's all fun and games at this point. But we want you to listen to the actual film.

PAT: Uh-huh.

GLENN: Princess Bride.

MIRACLE MAX: Look who knows so much, huh. Well, it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

Please, open his mouth.

Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead, well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.

INIGO: What's that?

MIRACLE MAX: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Hey. Hello, in there. Hey. What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for?

VOICE: True love.

INIGO: True love. You heard him? You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.

MIRACLE MAX: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, when the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky. I love that.

But that's not what he said!

He distinctly said "to blave." And, as we all know, "to blave" means "to bluff," huh?

GLENN: Stop. Did you hear it?

PAT: Yeah, several lines left out.

GLENN: He distinctly -- he distinctly said to blave. He didn't say "distinctly."

PAT: No, he did not. He left out that word.

GLENN: Mr. Memory completely left out that word.

PAT: This guy is such a liar.

(laughter)

Oh, man.

GLENN: Now, go ahead and play the rest.

MIRACLE MAX: -- playing cards and he cheated.

VOICE: Liar. Liar. Liar!

MIRACLE MAX: Get back, witch.

VOICE: I'm not a witch. I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore.

PAT: Okay. All of that is exactly accurate. Isn't it? It's not?

STU: No. Because her line of I don't want to be that anymore. He says something slightly different.

GLENN: Oh, my gosh. So there's two things.

PAT: Two words now.

GLENN: This guy can't fit in front of Putin. He couldn't sit in front of Putin.

MIRACLE MAX: You never had it so good.

VALERIE: True love. He said true love, Max. My God. He's afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence is shattered.

MIRACLE MAX: Why did you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name.

VALERIE: What? Humperdinck. Humperdinck. Humperdinck. Humperdinck. Humperdinck. Humperdinck.

MIRACLE MAX: I'm not listening.

VALERIE: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't --

GLENN: He didn't say smoodink (phonetic) or whatever --

PAT: That's three words he left out.

GLENN: Three words.

STU: Now, I can understand him shortening for time reasons. You may not be able to do every line.

GLENN: But this is an important issue.

STU: Come on. It's more than that, Ted. Resign from your Senate seat.

GLENN: You call Ted Cruz's office and tell him we don't want anymore of his Mr. Memory tricks around here.

(laughter)

STU: John Kasich has just launched a super PAC to get that massage across.

PAT: Yes.

GLENN: Marco Rubio has new spots on him. Did you hear his reenactment of the Princess Bride?

PAT: It wasn't exactly accurate. He doesn't have an audiographic memory.

GLENN: Mr. Memory may be Mr. Lies.

(laughter)

What do clay pots have to do with to preserving American history?

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Editor's note: This article was originally published on TheBlaze.com.

Why should we preserve our nation’s history? If you listen to my radio program and podcast, or read my columns and books, you know I’ve dedicated a large part of my life and finances to sourcing and preserving priceless artifacts that tell America’s story. I’ve tried to make these artifacts as available as possible through the American Journey Experience Museum, just across from the studios where I do my daily radio broadcast. Thousands of you have come through the museum and have been able to see and experience these artifacts that are a part of your legacy as an American.

The destruction of American texts has already begun.

But why should people like you and me be concerned about preserving these things from our nation's history? Isn’t that what the “big guys” like the National Archives are for?

I first felt a prompting to preserve our nation's history back in 2008, and it all started with clay pots and the Dead Sea Scrolls. In 1946, a Bedouin shepherd in what is now the West Bank threw a rock into a cave nestled into the side of a cliff near the Dead Sea. Instead of hearing an echo, he heard the curious sound of a clay pot shattering. He discovered more than 15,000 Masoretic texts from the third century B.C. to the first century A.D.

These texts weren’t just a priceless historical discovery. They were virtually perfect copies of the same Jewish texts that continue to be translated today. Consider the significance of that discovery. Since the third century B.C. when these texts were first written, the Jewish people have endured a continued onslaught of diasporas, persecutions, pressures to conform to their occupying power, the destruction of their temple, and so much more. They had to fight for their identity as a people for centuries, and finally, a year after the end of the Holocaust and a year before the founding of the nation of Israel, these texts were discovered, confirming the preservation and endurance of their heritage since ancient times — all due to someone putting these clay pots in a desert cave more than 2,000 years ago.

I first felt a prompting to preserve our nation's history back in 2008, and it all started with clay pots and the Dead Sea Scrolls.

So, what do these clay pots have to do with the calling to preserve American history? I didn’t understand that prompting myself until the horrible thought dawned on me that the people we are fighting against may very well take our sacred American scriptures, our Declaration of Independence, and our Bill of Rights. What if they are successful, and 1,000 years from now, we have no texts preserved to confirm our national identity? What kind of new history would be written over the truth?

The destruction of American texts has already begun. The National Archives has labeled some of our critical documents, like our Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Bill of Rights, as “triggering” or “containing harmful language.” In a public statement, the National Archives said that the labels help prepare readers to view potentially distressing content:

The Catalog and web pages contain some content that may be harmful or difficult to view. NARA’s records span the history of the United States, and it is our charge to preserve and make available these historical records. As a result, some of the materials presented here may reflect outdated, biased, offensive, and possibly violent views and opinions. In addition, some of the materials may relate to violent or graphic events and are preserved for their historical significance.

According to this statement, our founding documents are either “outdated, biased, offensive,” “possibly violent,” or a combination of these scathing descriptions. I’m sorry, the Declaration of Independence is not “triggering.” Our Constitution is not “outdated and biased,” and our Bill of Rights certainly is not “offensive and possibly violent.” They are glorious documents. They should be celebrated, not qualified by such derogatory, absurd language. Shame on them.

These are only the beginning stages of rewriting our history. What if they start banning these “triggering” documents from public view because they might offend somebody? Haven’t we torn down “triggering” statues before? What if we are no longer able to see, read, and study the actual words of our nation's founding documents because they are “harmful” or “possibly violent”? A thousand years from now, will there be any remnant to piece together the true spirit behind the nation that our founders envisioned?

The Declaration of Independence is not “triggering.”

That is why in 2008, I was prompted to preserve what I could. Now, the American Journey Experience Museum includes more than 160,000 artifacts, from founding-era documents to the original Roe v. Wade court papers. We need to preserve the totality of our nation’s heritage, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We need to preserve our history in our own clay pots.

I ask you to join with me on this mission. Start buying books that are important to preserve. Buy some acid-free paper and start printing some of the founding documents, the reports that go against the mainstream narrative, the studies that prove what is true as we are continually being fed lies. Start preserving our daily history as well as our history because it is being rewritten and digitized.

Somebody must have a copy of what is happening now and what has happened in the past. I hope things don’t get really bad. But if they do, we need to preserve our heritage. Perhaps, someone 1,000 years from now will discover our clay pots and, Lord willing, be able to have a glimpse of America as it truly was.

Top 10 WORST items in the new $1.2 TRILLION spending bill

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Biden just signed the newest spending bill into law, and Glenn is furious.

Under Speaker Johnson's leadership, the whopping $1.2 TRILLION package will use your taxpayer dollars to fund the government through September. Of course, the bill is loaded with earmarks and pork that diverts money to fund all sorts of absurd side projects.

Here is the list of the ten WORST uses of taxpayer money in the recently passed spending bill:

Funding venues to host drag shows, including ones that target children

David McNew / Contributor | Getty Images

Money for transgender underwear for kids

Funding for proms for 12 to 18 year old kids

Bethany Clarke / Stringer | Getty Images

Border security funding... for Jordan and Egypt

Another $300 million for Ukraine

Anadolu / Contributor | Getty Images

$3.5 million for Detroit's annual Thanksgiving Day parade

Icon Sportswire / Contributor | Getty Images

$2.5 million for a new kayaking facility in Franklin, New Hampshire

Acey Harper / Contributor | Getty Images

$2.7 million for a bike park in White Sulfur Springs, West Virginia, a town with a population of less than 2,300 people

$5 million for a new trail at Coastal Carolina University

$4 million the "Alaska King Crab Enhancement Project" (whatever that means)

FRED TANNEAU / Stringer | Getty Images

There is no doubt about it—we are entering dark times.

The November presidential election is only a few months away, and following the chaos of the 2020 election, the American people are bracing for what is likely to be another tumultuous election year. The left's anti-Trump rhetoric is reaching an all-time high with the most recent "Bloodbath" debacle proving how far the media will go to smear the former president. That's not to mention the Democrats' nearly four-year-long authoritarian attempt to jail President Trump or stop his re-election by any means necessary, even if it flies in the face of the Constitution.

Meanwhile, Biden is doing worse than ever. He reportedly threw a tantrum recently after being informed that his polls have reached an all-time low. After Special Counsel Robert Hur's report expressed concerns over Biden's obviously failing mental agility, it's getting harder for the Democrats to defend him. Yet he is still the Democratic nominee for November, promising another 4 years of catastrophic policies, from the border to heavy-handed taxation, should he be reelected.

The rest of the world isn't doing much better. The war in Ukraine has no clear end in sight, drawing NATO and Russia closer and closer to conflict. The war in Gaza is showing no sign of slowing down, and as Glenn revealed recently, its continuation may be a sign that the end times are near.

One thing is clear: we are living in uncertain times. If you and your family haven't prepared for the worst, now is the time. You can start by downloading "Glenn's Ultimate Guide to Getting Prepared." Be sure to print off a copy or two. If the recent cell outage proved anything, it's that technology is unreliable in survival situations. You can check your list of supplies against our "Ultimate Prepper Checklist for Beginners," which you can find below:

Food

  • Canned food/non-perishable foods
  • Food preparation tools
  • Go to the next level: garden/livestock/food production

Water

  • Non-perishable water store
  • Water purification
  • Independent water source

Shelter

  • Fireplace with a wood supply
  • Tent
  • Generator with fuel supply
  • Go to the next level: fallout shelter

Money

  • Emergency cash savings
  • Precious metals

Medicine

  • Extra blankets
  • Basic first aid
  • Extra prescriptions
  • Extra glasses
  • Toiletries store
  • Trauma kit
  • Antibiotics
  • Basic surgery supplies
  • Potassium Iodate tablets

Transportation

  • Bicycle
  • Car
  • Extra fuel

Information

  • Birth certificates
  • Insurance cards
  • Marriage license
  • Immunization records
  • Mortgage paperwork
  • Car title and registration
  • House keys, car keys
  • Passports
  • Family emergency plan
  • Prepping/survival/repair manuals
  • Go to the next level: copy of the Bible, the U.S. Constitution, and other important books/sources

Skills

  • Cooking
  • Gardening
  • Sewing
  • First Aid
  • Basic maintenance skills
  • Go to the next level: farming/ranching
  • Self-defense training

Communication

  • Family contact information and addresses
  • HAM radio

Miscellaneous

  • Flashlights and batteries
  • Lamps and fuel
  • Hardware (tools, nails, lumber, etc)
  • Extra clothes
  • Extreme weather clothes and gear
  • Gas masks and filters
  • Spare parts for any machinery/equipment

Is Trump's prosecution NORMAL?  This COMPLETE list of ALL Western leaders who served jail time proves otherwise.

PhotoQuest / Contributor, The Washington Post / Contributor, Win McNamee / Staff | Getty Images

Mainstream media is on a crusade to normalize Donald Trump's indictments as if it's on par with the electoral course. Glenn asked his team to research every instance of a Western leader who was jailed during their political career over the past 200 years—except extreme political turmoil like the French Revolution, Napoleonic Wars, Irish Revolution, etc.—and what we discovered was quite the opposite.

Imprisoning a leader or major political opponent is not normal, neither in the U.S. nor in the Western world. Within the last 200 years, there are only a handful of examples of leaders in the West serving jail time, and these men were not imprisoned under normal conditions. All of these men were jailed under extreme circumstances during times of great peril such as the Civil War, World War II, and the Cold War.

What does this mean for America? Are Trump's indictments evidence that we are re-entering times of great peril? Below is a list of Western leaders who were imprisoned within the last 200 years. Take a look and decide for yourself:

Late 1800s

The Washington Post / Contributor | Getty Images

Jefferson Davis: The nearest occurrence to a U.S. President to serve jail time was in the case of Jefferson Davis, the first and only president of the Confederate States of America. Jefferson was captured in Georgia by Northern Soldiers in 1865 and locked up in Fort Monroe, Virginia for two years. He was offered a presidential pardon but refused out of his loyalty to the confederacy.

Early 1900s

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Eugene V. Debs: Debbs, a Midwestern socialist leader, became the first person to run for president in prison. He was locked up at a federal penitentiary in Atlanta having been convicted under the federal Sedition Act for giving an antiwar speech a few months before Armistice Day, the end of World War I. Many of his supporters believed his imprisonment to be unjust. Debs received 897,704 votes and was a distant third-part candidate behind Warren G. Harding, the Republican winner, and James M. Cox, the second-place Democrat. Harding ordered Debs’s release from prison toward the end of 1921.

Nazi sympathizers and collaborators: After the end of World War II in 1945, several European leaders who had "led" their countries during the Nazi occupation faced trial and imprisonment for treason. This list included Chief of the French State Philippe Pétain, French Prime Minister Pierre Laval, and Minister-President of Norway Vidkun Quisling. The latter two were also executed after their imprisonment. President of Finland Risto Ryti and Prime Minister of Finland Johan Wilhelm Rangell were also tried and jailed for collaborating with the Nazis against the Allied Powers.

Late 1900s

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The end of the Cold War: The fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989 was one of the pivotal moments that brought the Cold War to a close and marked the end of Communist East Germany. With the fall of the wall and the collapse of the German Democratic Republic (East Germany), the former leaders were brought to trial to answer for the crimes committed by the GDR. General Secretary Erich Honecker and General Secretary Egon Krenz were both put on trial for abuse of power and the deaths of those who were shot trying to flee into West Germany. Honecker was charged with jail time but was released from custody due to severe illness and lived out the rest of his life as an exile in Chile. Krenz served 4 years in jail before his release in 2001. He is one of the last surviving leaders of the Eastern Bloc.

Lyndon LaRouche: Larouche was a Trotsky evangelist, public antisemite, and founder of a nationwide Marxist political movement, became the second person in U.S. history to run for President in a prison cell. Granted, he ran in every election from 1976 to 2004 as a long-shot third-party candidate. When he tried to gain the Democratic presidential nomination, he received 5 percent of the total nationwide vote. Even though in 2000 he received enough primary votes to qualify for delegates in a few states, the Democratic National Committee refused to seat his delegates and barred LaRouche from attending the Democratic National Convention.