I’ll admit it, I’m a freak. I’m a Doctor Who geek. I’ve loved Doctor Who for the last five or six years. My son and I watch it. The BBC announced that the next version of Doctor Who will be a woman and it is “excited about this change.” That’s right, the character that England has enjoyed since the 1960s — and America has pretty much ignored until recently — will become a woman. Dr. Who has switched genders.

When I heard this news, I went into my son’s room and told him. He put his head under his pillow, and all I heard was muffled gasps.

Now, frankly, I want to put this into perspective. I don’t really care. I’m a fan of the show. I mean, if it’s a great story, that’s all I care about. But I have to tell you, I am sick of the lecture that we all have to endure from producers of television shows that they just want to show all the other producers they can be the most politically correct show or network of them all. After all, these TV shows are very important to humanity, you know.

So let everyone from here to Alpha Centauri know that the BBC is way far ahead of all other space-police-box-driving-time-lord doctor shows. They are the most politically correct. Now, if America, which has always behind, could just get Captain Kirk to make it with a tap dancing green man who has no legs, then all of the enlightened producers will have all the other characters refuse to point out that those green tap-dancing men with no legs cannot tap dance, let alone dance, walk or even move — because they have no feet or legs. Wow.

That would sure teach those bigoted small town dummies, who the producers despise, a thing or two about how progressive our television shows can be. Then we can all truly be happy. Let us all toast to the end of all oppression!

Well, except for that tiny problem of that most the women in the Middle East not being allowed to drive or leave the house without a man. No need to concern ourselves with the fact that in some of those same countries gay men are beaten to death or thrown off rooftops. That is, if gays even exist. Iran claims gayness is caused by the evil Western culture, and thus, they have no gay people (except for those they have to execute, beat to death or throw off the roofs of buildings).

Other than that, gender fluidity in TV shows proves oppression has been dealt a deathly blow.

Well, except for the slaves that make your Apple iPhone or the 6,000 women and children currently used as sex slaves by ISIS. This Doctor Who innovation will definitely be the end of all that oppression. Even though there are currently more slaves than during the entire 400 years of the Western slave trade combined. But don’t pay any attention to that because Doctor Who is finally — finally — gender fluid.


It’s going to be so great, because we all need to be taught to be much more tolerant of gender fluidity. It’s one of the most important things in the entire Western world. It is what’s holding Western civilization back from being as great as all of the other civilizations on planet earth.

Man, we are going to be remembered by historians in the best possible light. I can almost hear their voices now:

Wow, these people really saw the truth. The cold, hard facts. They didn’t scare this group of people off. Oh no, sir. Not in 2017 or 2018.

When they saw that the Western culture that freed more people, fed more people and more than doubled life spans of all humans wouldn’t have a female space alien doctor with two hearts on a TV show, —well, damn it — the BBC sprang into action and made all the difference in the world.

No, sir. Those people were better than us today, I’ll tell you that. They didn’t waste a second. They fixed it. And then they called people bigots who thought it was all nonsense. And then they went on, ignoring the actual death count and the suffering and the beatings and the beheadings and the root of the eighth century-style oppression while watching Doctor Who or Doctor Her on their iPhone, made by Chinese slaves. Man, if we could just be more like those people that lived in 2017.

Historians are going to say that.

By the way, no animals were hurt in this monologue. And I or no one on the program did accept any money from the tobacco industry to depict smoking. However, Charlie Gard may be dead due to British socialized medicine death panels by the end of the week — but pay no attention. Doctor Who is gender fluid.

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