GLENN: Stu, stop the music. This is important stuff. Is it possible, do you know, is Wally starting this weekend?
STU: I believe it is starting this weekend.
GLENN: Oh, I can’t wait to teach my kids how we’ve destroyed the Earth.
STU: Well, it’s not you teaching as much as a robot.
GLENN: Yeah, I know, as much as, you know, Pixar is teaching. I can’t wait. Just, this is great. You know if your kid has ever come home and said, “Dad, how come we use so much styrofoam,” oh, this is the movie for you. I love that. “Dad, how come we don’t recycle as much as we should?” “We do recycle.” “Well, teacher says we don’t recycle enough.” “Oh, really? Is that what teacher is saying? What’s the teacher’s phone number?” I’m becoming one of those people, I really am. I am this close, and I haven’t said anything on the air. I’ve said it in other states during the stage show, what’s been going on in my life under the surface, all kept quiet, bottled up inside since January, but I’m coming this — I’m about to spill the beans. You know, within three weeks if there isn’t something changed, oh, I’m going to become one of those people.
Stu, I actually am thinking about building a gigantic billboard — I’m sorry. A gigantic fence which I can build at any size on my property as long as it’s 60 feet away from the road, I’m thinking about building a giant fence that I paint once in a while, little slogans like “This town council sucks” or “Bad neighbors 50 feet ahead,” things like that.
STU: You’re having some problems with your property, aren’t you? It’s like eminent domain except they don’t take it, they don’t let you use it.
GLENN: The law says I can do what I want to do. The law says it but they won’t hear of it. They are trying to convince me that, well, that doesn’t matter. Excuse me? What do you mean the law doesn’t matter? I told them, yeah, I did. Two days ago when I was heavily medicated and on a lot of medication and in a lot of pain, the city decided to show up at my house. I backed them down the stairs into the street. Wasn’t really pleasant. I wasn’t really in a good mood that day.
STU: And you are saying these people are giving you a hard time?
GLENN: Yeah, yeah. Well, I never — no, I was pleasant at first. I was very pleasant at first. I was just trying to understand. And then when they started to get into, well, that’s, sure that’s what it says, but there are a lot of people on the council that just don’t want this to happen. Well, I don’t really care now what they want. I’ll see you in court. I’m becoming one of those people. I really am thinking about painting maybe my house black because I can, black with purple and orange shutters. Oh, yeah, yeah. You worry about property values? Oh, you have no idea.
STU: What’s the town ordinance on lighting, Glenn? Because I don’t know if you can — I mean, if you have a light —
GLENN: Can’t, can’t. I already thought.
STU: Really bright lights pointed at your neighbors?
GLENN: Can’t, can’t.
GLENN: Looked that one up, yeah. Because I was thinking about the bat signal.
GLENN: You know what I mean? Really, seriously, Stu, I really did think about, you know those giant arc spotlights, the kind for movies?
GLENN: I actually thought about — I’m not kidding. If it were legal, I looked it up. I wanted to have one in my side yard, went it for like a week and like at 3:00 in the morning, just start her up and just have that thing burn right into my neighbor’s window. Anna was out walking the dog with me yesterday and I’m walking the dog and the neighbors are out in their backyard and I just raised my hand and I said, hey, bad neighbor, and they just looked at me. And they had company over and they were barbecuing. They’re like (laughing). I said, yeah, good to see you, bad neighbor. Bad neighbor, bad neighbor, bad neighbor! My daughter just laughed. She said, you’re insane, Dad. I said, oh, yeah. You haven’t begun to see my insanity.
STU: Well, you have to look at it. Washington D.C. wanted to ban handguns. They did for quite a long time and then someone stepped in and said there’s a higher order here. There’s the Constitution, there’s the Second Amendment.
STU: And I think, you know, there’s a really famous smart guy that said let there be light, and I think you can kind of maybe use that argument to say, look, I’ve been reading this fancy book and it says let there be light, so there was.
GLENN: Light there shall be. And on the first day, on the first day… there was light. I want an arc one, too. I don’t want any new kind of fangle — I want the one that’s actually burning carbon to be able to light it up. I in fact would like carbon lights for my entire house if I could get it. You know, you just have to go out and replace the little carbon sticks? I’m burning actual carbon to light my flower beds. How do you like that? I’m going to find out — I haven’t done this yet, but I’m going to try to find to see if there’s any way I can put an oil rig on my property. You know those — what are those called, those things that go up and down? Are those oil derricks? Does anybody know? Pumps.
STU: Yeah, pump it right out of the ground.
GLENN: Yeah. I don’t have any oil. I’ll pretty sure I don’t have any oil. I’ll going to drill for it. What the hell. I might find some. I just want a big — I mean, you’re worried about property values, really? How do you like the big huge house with the oil rig on it, huh? You like looking at that one? Yeah. Hello, bad neighbor. Okay, I’m sorry. We were talking about Wally. Stu?
STU: Yes, Glenn. Very highly reviewed, by the way.
GLENN: Is it? What a surprise. This is about how man destroyed the Earth.
STU: Well, I haven’t seen it yet, but yes, that’s exactly what it’s about. It has to be.
GLENN: I saw the preview. I’m sitting in the movie theater. This is, I don’t know how many months ago. And I just see Wally and he’s on the Earth and he’s cleaning stuff up and I looked at my wife and I said, it’s a frickin’ global warming movie, it is how we destroyed the Earth.
STU: Yeah, you actually called this one on the air and you were 100% right on it in that it appears to be Wally is the story of one robot who was a trash collecting robot and there’s apparently a lot of these. The spaceship — because they couldn’t — unfortunately the robots weren’t efficient enough to clean up the Earth before it was going to kill all humans. So the humans had to leave in a spaceship but Wally gets left behind to clean up the trash that’s still there.
GLENN: I think that would be great. They got a big enough spaceship, let’s all get on board. Come back, we’ll all party until it’s 2099, get back on the spaceship, let the robots clean everything up, come on, kind of what we do with stadiums, isn’t it? Why don’t we — I mean, we don’t live in the trash in stadiums. We go, we have a good time, we have, you know, some drinks, we leave, get in our cars. Why don’t we just do that with the Earth, get in the giant spaceship.
STU: Yeah, let a couple of Roombas go around, we’ll come back, they go to the edge of the continent, turn around and come back.
GLENN: Let me tell you something. The Roomba is going to change the world.