GLENN: We’re just trying to make a list. Chris, help us out on this. We’re just trying to make a list because I told you before that I think the newspapers are going to get a bailout because I mean, they’ve already got the precedent. It’s PBS. And we see how well that works. There’s no conflict of interest there. And newspapers are falling apart and they’re going to be too big and important to fail. That’s free speech. That’s a free press. That’s a cornerstone. We don’t have free press. We’ve got to have that. The government will absolutely come in and bail these things out and then they will have the free press, not so free anymore, right in their back pockets. The only ones that won’t be bailed out will be talk radio — mark my words: Media will get bailouts because it’s too important, but talk radio will get more restrictions. They will try to kill the only thing that will actually stand up against the government. They will try to kill that, but they will help things like the New York Times, MSNBC through GE. Are you kidding me? That’s a no-brainer.

All right. So now here’s the latest bailout. The porn industry. The porn industry is coming to Washington. They are saying they want a bailout because times are tough. And I would say they have fallen on hard times but that’s a different story and a different show, quite honestly. So things are tough and they are losing money and they really need — there are just so many — oh, it’s really, it’s very tough to do this story. My head’s hurting from all the stuff I’m editing out right now, all the great jokes. Okay, so — Stu, will you please do this? Just take this story for just a second, please? Just tell this story in a straight way because I don’t think I’m capable of doing it. It’s hurting. It is. See, I’ve got a joke there.

STU: We need to bail out, out of this story.

GLENN: Okay, so here’s the thing. So I was thinking about this story about government bailout of the porn industry and I’m thinking, why not? Who are you to judge? What? You’re going to — all those college women? Oh, my gosh, how horrible of you. They’re working, they’re struggling. Some of them are working hard and… so anyway, here you have all of these poor people that are just doing what they can just to make ends… I can’t even — so then you have the government saying we can’t do that, and you know that Obama is looking for the best bang for the…

STU: (Laughing).

GLENN: All right. So anyway, that led me to… what? I think you can’t make the case against it because what’s the difference between porn and the New York Times? I don’t think there’s any difference. Tell me, you read the New York Times; you read pornography. You feel dirty after doing both, don’t you?

STU: (Laughing).

GLENN: Pornography, not my values. New York Times, not my values.

STU: (Laughing).

GLENN: Same credibility on stories about politicians, in porn and in the New York Times. I have to stop there because I can’t think of any that I can actually say on the air now. But I think they are the same.

STU: Well, more people use it online. I think that goes for both.

GLENN: More people use it online.

STU: Right?

GLENN: That’s why they’re both struggling.

STU: Right.

GLENN: Because people can get their news in another way.

STU: There are differences though, I think. Like I think when you throw out, when you’re done with porn, you stash it under the bed. You put it in your sock drawer. When you’re done with the Times, it goes in the fireplace or it goes down the trash chute. Porn, as far as I know, porn has never given out a troop location.

GLENN: So now you are making the case that porn may actually be better than the New York Times. That may be a better investment than the New York Times.

STU: Yeah, I think so. I mean, is there —

GLENN: Never sold out, I don’t know any pornographer or any — I just model, what do you call — any —

STU: An entertainer.

GLENN: Any entertainers that have sold our country out. In fact, they are entertaining the troops. The New York Times like — I mean, the troops like porn more than they like the New York Times. If I sent a package over to many of the troops and they opened them up and I sent them the New York Times, would they think, what the hell am I even fighting for? Now, if I did that with porn, a lot of them would say, "I know what I’m fighting for." If I sent porn over to the Middle East, would it make the enemy crazy nut job if they intercepted that package, opened it up and it was a bunch of porno magazines? Yes. If I sent them a bunch of New York Times and they open it up, you know, and it was like Hamas opening it up, it would be like, "Oh, no, they need to receive this," they would forward it on.

STU: So you are saying mail delivery in the Middle East, it is more — yeah, I think.

GLENN: I think porn shows much more of an enemy.

STU: I think this is a fairly good —

GLENN: I think we should make the case that the porn should get the bailout but the newspapers should not. Okay, common sense. We’ve solved yet another problem in America. Porn lives; the New York Times dies.