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GLENN: Did you know that some people actually think our government’s completely honest efforts at controlling global temperatures has something to do with socialism? That’s crazy. I hate those people. Anyway, it’s not like they’re trying to micromanage every aspect of our lives from Washington or anything like that. This is from the Wall Street Journal about the new climate bill. Kids, kids! The new climate bill is here! This bill is oddly silent on some pretty big issues but willing to wade into the regulatory minutia that it just doesn’t aim to curb greenhouse gas emissions. The bill also aims to curb electric consumption by people who just want to unwind after work. The 648 page bill that nobody’s going to read did not dedicate a single line to addressing big picture questions such as how carbon emission permits are going to be distributed or what are you going to do with all the money you’re making off of cap and trade. We’ll get to that later. 648 pages. Huh. And no one in that time to address the two important parts of Cap’n trade. I’d like to make that into the new Cap’n Crunch with blueberries, Cap’n trade. In fact, the emission permit distribution was one of the main reasons for the failure of the European system which, of course, was only implemented because the previous system had also failed. And isn’t it odd that $2 trillion coming into the government and yet no word on how they’re going to spend that $2 trillion. That’s not suspicious. I just want to make that clear.

So what’s in the 648 pages? Well, the bill’s authors took the time to dictate new efficiency standards in excruciating detail. For instance, if you are planning on putting a slanted roof on a house who’s going to put a slanted roof on their house? That’s crazy talk! If you’re planning on putting a new slanted roof on your house, get ready for one standard for initial solar reflectants for fiberglass asphalt shingle roofing and a different standard for all the other types of shingles. Or take your light fixture. The bill found 10 pages just for portable lighting, 10 pages. Lighting… in your house. Portable, not what you have in the if you’re curious, that means a new raft of standards for things like artwork fixtures and, yes, those are the lights affixed to the bottom or top of a picture frame. Regulation on those now, for the environment. I mean, but just the picture frame things… and then 10 other pages. One subsection is dedicated to something called portable electric spas. "Is that the hot tub they’re talking about?" I think so. Sensing that middle America’s populous rage is secretly dictated at new energy consumption of hot tubs, the bill laid down the law. In its own way it says effective January 1, 2012, portable electric spas shall not have a normalized standby power greater than 5(V2/3) watts, where V equals the fill volume in gallons. Oh. Well, for a minute there I thought you were getting a little fancy here with my hot tub. Are you ready for the government to tell you how shiny your shingles will be, how brightly your paintings will be lit, how bright your hot tub can be? No.

Let me ask you this. Why is it you hate the Earth so very much?