Arguing with Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government

by Glenn Beck

GLENN: Yes, that’s right. It is Arguing With Idiots, New York Times number one best seller along with New York Times number one best selling book now for how many weeks? Sixteen weeks? Common Sense. Arguing With Idiots. If common sense is the cancer, the cure is Arguing With Idiots. It’s for when your idiot friend says something like this:

PAT: Okay, Mr. Racist, I know why you love the founding fathers so much. Because they love slavery.

GLENN: Really? Actually many of our founding fathers opposed slavery see, this is in the book. Many of our founding fathers opposed slavery and said so outwardly.

PAT: Really? I bet you can’t name one.

GLENN: Well, I can

PAT: Not one.

GLENN: 271, that’s Page 271 of Arguing With Idiots if you well, I got James Madison right there. Quote: Great as the evil of slavery is, a dismemberment of the union would be worse.

PAT: I bet you can’t name two, though.

GLENN: All right, George Washington: There is not a man living who wishes more sincerely than I do to see a plan adopted for the abolition of slavery.

PAT: Oh, big deal. A couple of quotes out of context.

GLENN: Hang on a second. I’m not finished here. How about John Adams: Every measure of prudence therefore ought to be assumed for the eventual total extirpation of slavery from the United States. I have, throughout my whole life, held that the practice of slavery is an abhorrence.

PAT: All right, I

GLENN: And Benjamin Franklin said

PAT: I get it!

GLENN: Franklin said slavery, an atrocious debasement of human nature.

PAT: Yes, but…

GLENN: And Alexander Hamilton said, quote, slaves, by the laws of God and nature, were capable of acquiring liberty. And when the captor in war threw a fit to give them liberty, the gift was not only valid but irrevocable.

PAT: I understand, but

GLENN: And James Madison again, we have seen the mere distinction of color and what it has made in the most enlightened period of time. A ground of the most oppressive dominion ever exercised by man over man.

PAT: Okay, okay! But you can’t deny that they made slaves only 3/5ths of a person! You can’t deny that! It’s in the Constitution!

GLENN: Yeah, I love this one.

PAT: Why did they wrote in, they wrote their racism in!

GLENN: Even Condoleezza rice said this just the other day!

PAT: Right, they wrote it into the Constitution.

GLENN: Right, now why did they do that? Why did they do that?

PAT: Because they didn’t like them?

GLENN: No, no.

PAT: They didn’t like them?

GLENN: They didn’t read the book. May I?

PAT: They didn’t like them, slaves.

GLENN: Well, because they saw it as the only way possible to eventually end slavery. 3/5ths a person was not the value of their life. It was the value in the census. Think ACORN. If slaves counted as full citizens, the South would have so much more representation that slavery would never ever be able to be stopped. For example, Governor Morris who assisted James Madison in the drafting of the Constitution described slavery as a nefarious institution, the curse of heaven on states where it prevailed, end quote. Yet he argued that congressional representation should be based on one for every 40,000 free inhabitants. In fact, he opposed the 3/5ths compromise because he felt that it would still allow the southern states enough representation to keep slavery going indefinitely.

PAT: Oh, yeah?

GLENN: Yeah.

PAT: Well, let me tell you something. I saw you on TV last night.

GLENN: Oh, boy.

PAT: In your giant suit jacket.

GLENN: See, here we go.

PAT: Who was that originally purchased for? The entire offensive line of the New York jets? I would say you were about 3/5ths the size of a gigantic hippo that jacket was designed for, or should I say 5/3rds, meaning 55 thirds? Meaning 500 hippos? Or more!