People just can’t seem to get enough Glenn lately. Stewart, Colbert, SNL, Playboy and now South Park has spent time making fun of Glenn. In this episode of South Park, Eric Cartman takes on the role of Glenn Beck.
GLENN: I am amazed. I am absolutely amazed at this new effort to again I think their approach is now, Stu, that I’m just a conspiracy freak? Is that do you think that’s the is that the new approach now to discredit me?
STU: If you remember the Republican plan for energy, it was an "All of the above" strategy.
STU: And this is what has been adopted by the left at this point, is throw anything that could possibly stick about any figure that they’ve seen in the media or on the right in the last 50 years and accuse you of it. That’s essentially the plan at this point.
GLENN: It’s really amazing. I just want to go through do we have the audio, Pat, of different things?
PAT: Working on it.
GLENN: In the last week there were I think there was a line about me in the opening monologue of Saturday Night Live.
STU: You appeared on Saturday Night Live in the opening.
GLENN: No, no, that was in the opening. But I think I was also in the monologue. I think the opening sketch, I appeared in it.
STU: You appeared in the opening sketch. I Taylor Swift was the host, by the way.
STU: And I do not believe that she mentioned you in that. She mentioned you
STU: You were mentioned in the weekend update section as well.
GLENN: What did they I didn’t even see that. What did they say?
STU: They said something about your appendix. It was your appendix, again the joke that has apparently been done by every comedian since you had an appendix problem which was your internal organs were attempting to leave your body.
GLENN: Right. Yeah. Okay. So we had Saturday Night Live. The night before that there was 10 minutes on Jon Stewart, and it was very funny. I mean, but you’re making fun of me.
STU: It’s fertile ground, yeah.
GLENN: I mean, you owe me royalties. I mean, all of these jokes I made about myself first.
STU: Oh, this is the foundation this program was built on was calling Glenn
GLENN: I mean, making fun of Glenn since 1964.
STU: Yeah, that really is, your whole career is making fun of yourself.
GLENN: You don’t have it, Pat? Don’t worry about it.
PAT: Still working.
GLENN: So then last night apparently and I find this hard to believe. Like the majority of the episode?
STU: Oh, yeah.
GLENN: Was about me.
STU: Yeah. The vast majority, yes.
GLENN: Set this up. This is South Park.
STU: Yes. South Park, Eric Cartman, the fattest member of the children. Just thought I’d point that out, represents you as he gets the job of the school announcement guy and where she’s supposed to say stuff like what’s going on for lunch or, you know, what meeting is happening in the musical.
GLENN: All right.
STU: He expands on that role quite a bit and he accuses the school president of many things.
GLENN: Okay. So here you go. And you’ll see the rapid progression here. Now, what happens happening besides this? Are they making comments about me outside of this? Is it only these three pieces that are
STU: No, this is can’t find the whole episode.
GLENN: Yeah, yeah.
STU: I mean, the whole thing is basically you know, and this is Cartman’s character on this show is always kind of the loud mouth making accusations at everybody. You know, that’s sort of his Schick.
STU: He’s got your hair in the episode which is sort of the gray on the side, not gray on the top.
GLENN: That’s funny.
STU: Some other mysterious color on the top.
PAT: They use the logo.
STU: They use the logo. They go through, you’ll hear kind of the music that sounds like the Glenn Beck TV open in which they show the same imagery, they have the same logo except it says EC instead of GB. You know, and these guys, again, these guys skewer everybody and they are always very good at it.
GLENN: You know what’s amazing to me is I’m a libertarian.
STU: And they are, too.
GLENN: And they are, too.
GLENN: And when you’re a libertarian, there ain’t anybody coming to your defense.
GLENN: There’s no one coming to your defense.
STU: Not even libertarians. Because they are frustrated at everything, even themselves.
GLENN: Libertarians, I mean, Penn Jillette. Penn Jillette, I feel so bad for Penn Jillette. What Penn Jillette has gone through with some of his friends and one of his idols, Tommy Smothers, I mean, honestly I don’t know if you’ve seen this video with Penn Jillette, but it broke my heart. Penn Jillette and I don’t agree on a lot of stuff. We’re libertarians. We live with it. He doesn’t agree on things, I don’t agree on things, but I’m not telling him how to live his life and he’s not going to tell me how to live my life. And I think we’ve had a good relationship.
GLENN: You know, it’s been tense at times because we’re both extraordinarily frank. But neither of us are trying to jam our point of view on everybody else.
STU: He is on the show, I mean dozens of times.
GLENN: Dozens of times.
GLENN: He has gotten so much flack from his friends because, you know, they buy into, "Oh, he’s a fascist." I don’t care what you do with your life. Honor the Constitution. Limited government. Maximum amount of freedom. Throw them all out. Get people who understand the founding fathers. Libertarians are eating each other alive. And it doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense. But see, there’s no, there’s no structure to it. And I’m fine with that. But that’s why libertarians lose is because there’s no, there’s no system. There’s no system. And so there’s no one to defend. And so the, both parties, when they start to grind down on you, you have the entire system against you, and it’s quite amazing. It’s quite amazing.
So here’s Cartman. Now, this is South Park, and I’m flattered. But remember these guys are libertarians. Here’s South Park.
VOICE: Good morning, South Park Elementary. These are the morning announcements, and I am Eric Cartman. All forms for the school book drive must be handed in to Mr. Davis in the library by the end of the school day today. Doesn’t seem like they gave us a lot of notice on that. Oh, well. For lunch today the cafeteria will be serving a selection of cold sandwiches, cold sandwiches. Oh, well, thank you so much. Remember when we used to be served hot food? I mean, what has happened to our school? This school is transforming into something very bad. And why? Because we have leadership that doesn’t care. I’m talking, of course, about our student body president, Wendy Testaburger. Ever since Wendy was elected president, this student has started a rapid decline with some socialist regime where students no longer have a voice. The music room will be closed off today due to painting. All band choir will meet in the gymnasium instead. Oh, so now the school doesn’t vat money to paint the music room. How old and outdated is our playground equipment? What other school has a 15 year old merry go round on it? Our school is turning this whole place into communist Russia. It’s not a coincidence that once Wendy took office, this school started coming apart at the seams. Your teachers don’t want to tell you but they’re scared and they should be because the very fabric of this elementary school is tearing from all corners. Oh, jeez. But hey, I’m just a normal kid like you, and I ask questions. And because I ask questions, I come under scrutiny. Is Wendy using your lunch money to buy heroin? Probably not. But how can we know? I don’t want my lunch money going to drugs. Who’s taking these drugs? What would be the point? I’m asking questions.
STU: Is that the end of Clip 1 there, Sarah?
PAT: Man. Man.
STU: Now, what’s in your critique does not say that ever since Wendy Testaburger took over the presidency, the school has gone downhill. You would say it goes much, much before Wendy Testaburger.
PAT: Our last student body president.
GLENN: Yeah. He was driving nails into that coffin quickly and then we got this guy and he’s like, you know what? Let’s just use a nail gun… (making nail gun noises).
STU: So as you can imagine, this is the second set of announcements from Cartman as Glenn Beck.
CARTMAN: Well, good morning, South Park Elementary. These are the morning announcements. I have a question. What does Wendy Testaburger actually do? She is supposed to be the president, right? What is her agenda? She’s lying to everyone, or is she? Let’s ask these questions. I want to talk briefly about the state of our school’s economy. The bake sale last week was a complete failure. And besides that, who actually voted for Wendy Testaburger? I know I didn’t. And everyone who did is now scratching their heads and going, whoops, guess I shouldn’t have done that. I’m not in the student council. I’m just a normal kid like all of you. And like you, I want to know what has happened to my school. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Our United States, not the one Wendy Testaburger would have, a socialist dung ho, a socialist dung ho.
STU: That’s number 2.
GLENN: Does Cartman live in the end?
STU: Yeah, that’s the Kenny’s the one that’s always dying. As far as I know, shockingly you made it through the episode. Which is nice. Now, the last one here, of course, gets worse and worse and develops into
GLENN: Now, this is the one, this is the one with the graphics that look like the show graphics and the logo?
STU: You’ll hear the music and, you know, picture all the, all the same imagery that happens.
STU: Yeah, blackboard comes out. You’ll hear him drawing on the blackboard. This is clip number 3.
CARTMAN: Good morning, students. These are the morning announcements. If you’ll direct your attention to the new video monitors at the head of your class, you will see that the announcements are now being done in video. Oh, god, no!
GLENN: This is the Glenn Beck logo coming in.
CARTMAN: Lunch today is going to be pizza, again. Friends, our school is dying and you know it. You feel it. You are like me. You want to change it. But oh, no, Wendy Testaburger’s not going to let that happen. This is not the school we grew up in, and I don’t know if we can get it back. Just take a look at exactly what our school president wants. You know, what is she trying to achieve? Let’s just take a look at these key words here. Wendy’s made it clear she wants our school to be a more integrated leftist and liberal place. But you see, when that happens, what we get is a socialist, modern utopian reformed farce of a school. So when you look closely, it becomes very obvious what Wendy wants: K i l l s m u r f s. Our school president wants to kill Smurfs. I don’t know if we’re turning into a Smurf hating school or what we’re turning into. But unless you ask why, we’re going to transform into something.
STU: There you go. So yeah. This is where it kind of meshed in with the James Cameron movie Avatar that’s coming out which they are basically accusing of spending $500 million on a movie about killing Smurfs. So it kind of all merged together as these episodes do. But I mean, you know, to me it’s nothing but a compliment. I mean
GLENN: Oh, yeah. No, no, no.
STU: Everyone’s got their role in society and South Park’s is to make fun of everyone that’s around.
GLENN: And everybody. It was Tom Cruise and Scientology and Jesus is know was a full episode.
STU: It’s on everything, global warming.
GLENN: Global warming. So it is a compliment. I have to watch it, although it is I have to tell you, it would be nice to have somebody, somebody that wasn’t that just had the facts right.