Wormhole Evidence
February 7, 2008 - 12:47 ET
VOICE: Wormhole evidence!!
GLENN: Remember Hillary Clinton. Remember when she was inconsistent when she said driver's license for illegal aliens. Remember that? She was like, driver's license for illegal aliens (laughing), and everybody was like, what? And she would say (mumbling). And everybody went, I don't understand what you just said. And she said, it's very clear when it comes to driver's license for illegal aliens that (mumbling). And we thought, all right, that makes sense. Hillary Clinton's not really saying anything. That makes sense! Wormhole evidence.
Hillary Clinton has now come out with her official stance on illegal alien driver's license and here it is, if I may quote: "I do not think it's appropriate to give a driver's license to someone who's here undocumented." (Inaudible). It makes even more sense. Hillary Clinton is starting to talk like a sane, rational person. Wait a minute. I know, there's just life up here. I don't think it's appropriate to give driver's license to someone who is here undocumented, putting them frankly at risk because that is clear evidence that they are not here legally.
So we're now at a place where the person is running for President of the United States says "I don't want to help the police or anybody else find law breakers.
VOICE: Wormhole evidence!.
GLENN: How about this one. Story based on Three Little Pigs fairy tale, been turned down by a government agency's award panel because it might offend Muslims. The digital book retelling the classic story of the Three Little Pigs, huff and puff and blow your house down rejected by judges who warned that the use of pigs raises cultural issues. Judges also attacked the three little cowboy builders for offending builders. I never even heard of the Three Little Cowboy Builders. Have you heard of the Three Little Cowboy Builders? And I don't know why it would offend builders. Why would builders be offended? Because they are cowboys and cowboys went after Indians? Is that what it is, those damn racist cowboys? You know what? We should round up -- in this universe we should round up all of those cowboys, put them behind fences. Yeah, I know, wide open spaces, no fences. There should be fences for cowboys, while they wait trial at the Hague.
VOICE: Wormhole evidence!.
GLENN: Two senior bishops are urging people to cut back on carbon for lent instead of the conventional chocolate or alcohol. Wish somebody would have thought of this when I was 10. I would have been willing to do it. Sister Mary Francis comes in, got to cut your carbon footprint, kids. Have all the chocolate you want. "Sister Mary Francis?" "Yes, Glenn"? "I love Jesus and Lent."
The bishops in England are launching a carbon fast with the help of an aid agency called Tearfund. See, in a sensible universe bishops wouldn't be, you know, trying to reduce the carbon footprint for 40 years. You know, I mean, you just bring up a good point. Jesus went out in the desert for 40 days. I don't remember a sand buggy, you know. Would have been cool. Jesus would have been out in the desert, you know, with some sort of a sand buggy? But he didn't have it, you know. Wouldn't have been out there for 40 days. Why would he be out there for 40 days? He had a sand buggy. You know what I mean? He didn't do that for 40 days. Hmmm? Wait a minute. You can. He was in the Middle East. Oil deposits under the sand. He didn't have to stop for gas. It was right there. Sure, there was no pumping station or something, but he's Jesus. He could walk on water. He couldn't say, "Hey, oil under the sand, get in the tank!" Of course he could have.
VOICE: Wormhole evidence!.
GLENN: Just trying to explain John McCain. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm trying to lay out evidence that the only way John McCain can be the conservative nominee is that we've slipped through a wormhole and we're in some parallel universe. Now, that may sound logical on the surface, but for those few skeptics out there, let me continue to lay out the evidence that we no longer live in a world that we were born in. We no longer live in a world that makes any kind of sense at all!
Scientists have created human embryos with three parents. In a development they hope could lead to effective treatments for a range of serious diseases within five years. So kids will now have mom, dad, and dad. The researchers presented their findings in a medical conference over the weekend. The idea is to prevent women with faults in their mitochond -- DNA. I didn't want to get technical here. I know that sometimes we lose people on all the heavy science that we do in this program. Anyway, women have this DNA stuff in them and apparently they can pass that DNA right into their children and that's bad apparently. So the good news is the three parents is currently less than the four parents the children currently have: Mom, dad, mom and dad, two houses.
I wonder if you get, I wonder instead of children having two houses and four parents if scientists can now create kids with three parents, if they get a house and a half.
VOICE: Wormhole evidence!.
GLENN: Just trying to explain John McCain.
Dateline San Francisco. I don't think I need to even go any further than this.
VOICE: Wormhole evidence!.
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