Don’t mess with Glenn

GLENN: Now, here’s another thing that happened over the weekend. I don’t know what you did over the weekend but I spent, well, a good portion of Friday night locked in the basement of my fallout shelter — no, my fallout shelter has a basement as well. Just in case the fallout shelter isn’t enough, I have a saferoom in the fallout shelter. But we heard noises outside and may I just say that my house is really not the one to, you know, get — you know, come in and just mess with because I turn into Second Amendment man at my house and it was like 1:00 in the morning and we heard voices and my wife says, do you hear voices? And, "Yes. " And the dog is already on it and I mean, I come down with the — what are those called? Bandoliers? I come down the stairs, I swear to you, I looked like Rambo. I come down the stairs with my dog and, you know, I had two pistols because I was — I had two pistols, I had my shotgun. Nobody’s coming into my house. Nobody is messing with my family. And so the dog and I, we search the whole house and all the closets and everything else and then they — then we heard voices again. About a half hour later we hear voices again. So I have the whole house wired for sound. So I can hear it down in the basement of the fallout shelter. And we hear voices again and so I call the police. They are on their way over. I mean, it was like, it was the fastest thing ever. All of a sudden they are almost here. They are like 45 seconds away and they call and they’re like, are you armed? And I’m like, yes, I am. Oh, yes, I am.

They got here, and I’ve never had anybody call to find out if you were armed before. Stu, have you ever heard anybody having 911 call back and say, are you armed?

STU: Did your name come up with the caller ID? That’s probably why they asked you.

GLENN: "Oh, it’s Beck. Are you in your fallout shelter of your basement right now, Mr. Beck? Do you have enough food storage?"

STU: How many machine guns are you currently carrying?

GLENN: How many machine guns do you have in your house? I just have to know.

STU: What would you say as a psychotic killer from 1 to 10?

GLENN: Are you saying that’s what the police should have asked?

STU: What the police should have asked.

GLENN: Probably a very high number at that point.

STU: You earned — I would say that if I’m driving down your road and I’m in my car having a conversation in the middle of the night and we pass your house, I stop talking with my wife as we pass your — just with the off chance that if you hear me, there could just be bullets flying out of the house.

GLENN: Well, I mean, here’s the thing that my wife and I were talking about. The world has changed so much now that, you know, I mean, people used to, you know, throw eggs at houses and TP houses and everything else. Now you could get yourself killed. You could get yourself killed.

I was talking to a relative over the weekend and I said it was probably just teenagers and yada, yada, yada, and you just don’t do that. You just don’t mess with people in the middle of the night. You don’t know whose house you are coming up to.

STU: Yeah, we used to do the thing where you go around the neighborhood and you would ring doorbells and run away, that stupid thing. Like now it is — just realize how stupid of an idea that was looking back at it because, you know, you scare someone in the wrong way, especially in this day and age, you don’t know what’s going to happen. You don’t know if there’s going to be a baseball bat or a butcher’s knife or a shotgun coming through the window.

GLENN: You don’t. You have no idea. So anyway, this relative said that they actually — I mean, they are a little more aggressive than I. They actually ran out in the backyard and tackled somebody that was trying to steal a neighbor’s car and they had guns but they chose not to use it. They just tackled them because they saw that he was a smaller guy and he was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and they watched him as he was trying to steal the car. They called police, blah, blah, blah. He saw the car was coming. He ran. He ran in the back. My relative went out and tackled him, took him down, and it was a kid that they knew. And they are like, what are you doing? And they’re like, oh, we were — you know, I was going to move, you know, Billy’s car a block away.

So when he was trying to break in the car as a joke to move it. My relative said, "Are you crazy? You could have gotten killed. You just don’t do this stuff."

STU: That’s crazy, especially in this day and age. People are not — I don’t know. Maybe I’m just getting older and more paranoid of the stuff like that happening but you can’t be stupid like that anymore. There’s no room for it.

GLENN: Yeah, there is. I mean, there’s room for it for your relatives because what will happen then is if you were killed, then the relatives sue the person who shot you for being stupid. So there is room for it.

STU: It’s a very good point. It’s almost an industry at this point.

GLENN: It is. It’s a cottage industry. I’m thinking about just breeding a bunch of stupid kids that I can get rich off of. You know what I mean? "Hey, why don’t you go play a prank over there in front of that house. They look well armed." I mean, and then I see this. I love this. I see this. This is an editorial in today’s USA Today. This isn’t 1787. The opposing view editorial by Gun Owners of America and its opposing view Second Amendment debate on Wednesday. It’s utterly laughable. Although the review is unduly restrictive, attorneys say people need to keep and bear arms in order to prevent the government from becoming tyrannical is preposterous. This isn’t 1787. It’s 2008. We have gotten over our fear that our government is going to follow that of King George III.

No, we haven’t. It’s gotten worse. Is anybody — I mean, is anybody — they are not afraid? Really? That’s the consensus out there? That the government isn’t grabbing up too much power, that the government — I mean, this is coming from the left, not necessarily from the right. Now it’s coming from the right as well. But everybody was — everybody was screaming, "Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, Homeland Security, the PATRIOT Act, what, are you crazy? You’re going to let them have all of that power? That’s too much power, that’s intrusive, that’s infringement of our rights."

The left has been screaming that the government is getting out of control. Now the right is screaming that the government is out of control. That’s one thing America agrees on! Our government is out of control, and what does this pinhead want to do? Take away guns. Take away the guns because, quote, "Even if the military were to turn against us, the idea of a bunch of private citizens subduing the armed forces is too comical for words." Oh. Well, then we just give up. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. .

I mean, what, are you insane? Every time a government takes away the guns, every time they take away the guns, crime gets worse, gun crime, violent crime gets worse and it usually ends up, I don’t know, with the death of millions. I mean, protect the homeland, man, protect the home front. Protect your own family. And also, have the right to protect yourself against the government. I mean, that’s last on a long list of things, for the love of Pete. But you know what? When the government — if the government would have said to me, if the police would have called and said, "Are you armed right now?" "Uh-huh." "Well, you know you are not supposed to have that gun. We’re supposed to confiscate all those guns." "Well, then I regret calling you and you probably shouldn’t come onto my property as well." I mean, come on. What, you’re going to take on the police force? No. No, I’m not going to take on the police force because I think most people in the police force agree with me, that the arm — that citizens, responsible citizens armed is a good thing. It’s the criminals that are a bad thing. I haven’t met the cop that says, oh, jeez, if we could just get all of the guns out of the hands of the good guys. I don’t know the cop. Oh, I’m sorry. Adam just informed me, "You’re right, the chief of the Philadelphia police force," which, no, that will fix it. That will fix Philadelphia, yeah, get the guns out of the hands of the good guys. Yeah, that will be — isn’t this the same chief of police that was saying, "Hey, do we have any volunteers that want to help me out? Because we’re out of ideas." He actually asked for volunteers, a citizen force which, if I may just say, it’s not 1787, is it? Do you know why the militia clause is in the Bill of Rights? Do you know why it’s in the Second Amendment about the militia? Do you know what a well regulated militia is? We look at that and say, "Oh, well, that’s just the state, that’s like the National Guard." No, it’s not. Ben Franklin was the one who started the first militia. And the reason why he started it is because Pennsylvania said, oh, we can’t afford troops. Troops, guns? Gunpowder? What? And Ben Franklin was like, hello, the Government’s out of control. You know, we have nobody protecting the homeland here and the British are going to come in and they’re going to stomp on our heads; we probably need to have, you know, I don’t know, some troops. Oh, that’s crazy talk, we can’t have any troops. That’s too expensive.

So what did he do? He went door to door. He was a popular guy. He’s the guy that got the first public hospital built. How did he get the first public hospital built? With his influence. He said, you know what? He said, you know what? Hey, rich people, why don’t you kick in some money; let’s build a hospital. He’s also the guy that started the militias because while he cared about the poor, he also cared about the poor. And when the British — you know, when he knew things were coming, he said — and then he went to the government and said, "Hey, guys, Pennsylvania, let’s, what do you say, we have some troops." Oh, no, that’s crazy. Okay, he went door to door. He started a campaign. "You know what, citizens, who’s with me? Who’s with me?" He went door to door and he said, "Grab the gun that’s over your fireplace and come with me." That’s what a militia is. A militia was your neighbor, somebody who says, you know what, I got my hunting rifle; nobody’s going to mess with me; this is my town, this is my property. That’s what the militia was. That was the original intent. It is because he couldn’t get the government to do anything. They couldn’t get the government to organize anything. So don’t even start with me. And whatever you do, don’t TP the trees in my house. I’m just sayin’. Not a good idea. Not a good idea.