The Royal Wedding is getting wall to wall coverage on all the major networks today – Glenn is even being preempted – and The Glenn Beck Program sent their top wedding correspondant Stu to report on all the important details.
“With everything going on in the world, you can turn on the TV and watch people all around America watching the royal wedding, wearing their fancy hats. It's just repulsive. It really is. I mean, something has got to change here, Glenn. We absolutely need a king and queen in the United States, too. Why don't we have one! What were these idiot Founding Fathers thinking about?” Stu said.
Stu pointed out that a king and queen could just mandate things we all want, like healthcare. “You know, with a king and queen we could have just had healthcare. You know, if you wanted it, we could just have it. And then, you know, people are hungry? They can just eat cake. It makes everything so much easier.”
Using the power of time travel, Stu quickly returned to the studio to debate the merits of wall to wall coverage with Pat and Glenn.
“I was sitting in here waiting for the show to start and they've got wall to wall coverage on every cable news network. Despite the fact that only 6% of Americans care! I don't get the wall to wall coverage thing. You know, show us the moment of the wedding if you have to but let's move past,” Pat said.
“The only point of interest at all for me is that I think Kate Middleton's pretty hot,” Stu said, hoping his wife wasn’t listening.