Experts from across political lines came together today to rule Sarah Palin the greatest person to ever have existed in human history. After constant political harassment, 24,000 emails were released from her time as governor of Alaska. These emails were mainly written long before her nomination for Vice President, and were intended to be private emails about her work as governor.
Yet, even after the media actually solicited everyday people to scour the emails for something to "investigate", scientists were baffled when political enemies and opposition researched produced exactly zero interesting material proving her supposed Satan-like private persona.
"Not only does it prove that the negative descriptions of her time in Alaska were completely dishonest, it disprove a long held scientific consensus," said Harvard astrophysicist Barry Ibuprofen. "The scientific community has long believed that it was physically impossible for any human being to have written private emails in that quantity without including something objectionable. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if gravity reversed itself today."
"Seriously, nothing?" Said MIT microbiologist Timothy Eleventeen. "No crass forwards? No jokes about fat kids? No plans to murder wolves or minorities from helicopters? Impossible. I can't believe it. But as a scientist, I must."
Amazingly, not only did the opposition attempt to discredit Palin fail say experts, it may have actually improved her image. emails showing Palin praising the experience of parenting a child with down syndrome, maintaining a completely consistent private and public persona, may cause a tear in the space time continuum, according to experts.
Not everyone was convinced. DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said while it's clear that Palin is the greatest human being on the planet known as Earth--it is quote "not immediately clear whether someone on another planet, or in another galaxy all together could edge her out."