"Well, the Dow dropped 513 points, a drop we haven't seen since 2008. It's the tenth biggest single day drop in history. The S&P down, NASDAQ down. Europe is on the edge of default. The EU's bailout funds are now scarce. Oil dropped from $100 a barrel in June to $87 a barrel yesterday. Not good. That means speculators are saying nobody's going to really be driving trucks," Glenn said as he opened the show.
"Oh, wait, wait, wait! Also, the big birthday bash with everybody on the planet from Hollywood was at the White House, the people's house last night celebrating. While this was happening, they were celebrating. I'd show you the pictures. But they didn't allow any pictures to be taken at the White House yesterday. The people's house. They thought it might look bad. Oh. Oh, okay."
"Well, the good news is the President would like you to know, he was busy at the birthday bash last night. You know, it was a private event at the people's house. No big deal. They were dancing barefoot in the rose garden. The East room was a hip hop room. No big deal. No big deal. It's the people's house. If they want to throw a private party, they can throw a private party. And if they want to make sure that nobody sees that private party, they can make sure that nobody sees that private party. The President would like you to know that the economy and Wall Street has been fixed. There's nothing, there's nothing to worry about here on Wall Street. 513 points? Big deal. It was fixed."