Three Things You Need to Know - January 19, 2018

March for Life

For most of my life, abortion had been a no-go zone topic.

I always shied away from discussing it on radio. I thought it was a discussion that couldn’t do anything positive for my career and there was the fact that at one point, I was very confused about my own position on abortion.

I can proudly say that I am no longer confused.

Abortion is evil and it is wrong.

Period.

On the 45th anniversary of the March for Life on Washington, D.C., I want to take a moment to thank and applaud all the men, women, and children who brave the bitter cold every January to stand up for the lives of the unborn.

YOU are modern day abolitionists. YOU are true heroes.

Thank you for consistently reminding the American people that abortion is a practice that is wildly out of character for our country. We are a people who helped convict the Nazis of crimes against humanity at the Nuremberg trials. We passed Civil Rights. We have a deeply religious and moral foundation. How have we allowed the murder of over 60 million babies since 1974?

Hopefully one day, we will look back at our own barbarism and shudder with shame and disbelief. Let’s pray that we are one march closer to that realization.

The end for government is nigh!

We’re now just a few short hours away from... THE END OF THE GOVERNMENT. It’s an Armageddon too terrible to even think about. Like Voldemort, this is an incident that TRULY should not be named.

I apologize to do this to you, especially if you have small children in the car, but here are the gory details. If Republicans and Democrats can’t come to an agreement on a budget by later today - and this is the part where you may have to cover the ears of your kids - nonessential services AND PERSONNEL may be told to go home!

My God man! This could last days! Will the entire country come to a stop? Oh wait, actually it looks like all essential jobs are exempt and will continue to be manned and running. So really, most of the country probably won't even notice anything happened.

BUT, what about all those “non-essential” workers and even the military? They won’t get paid! Well, actually they will. As soon as the budget is passed, they’ll be retroactively paid if they miss a check. Most federal employees and the military are paid bi-weekly, and it looks like they were just paid 4 days ago. That gives Congress two weeks to get a deal done before people start missing paychecks.

So that’s interesting. It almost looks like a government shutdown is really just a PAID vacation for “non-essential” employees. Why do I get the feeling they’re all sitting in front of the TV right now, praying for an impasse in the same way kids pray for a school snow day?

The truth is, the threat of a government shutdown is the most overhyped and overblown political tool on Capitol Hill. In reality, if a private company like Apple was managed as poorly as the US government, it would be shutting down ALL THE TIME. And they wouldn’t just be sending their “non-essentials” home for a paid vacation, they’d be firing them for good.

In fact, if they could find a way to keep the Department of Defense separate, a government shutdown now and then might actually be a good thing. ANYTHING that forces Washington DC to stare their incompetence in the face is OK in my book.

N.H.S. Crisis

Great Britain’s government health care system is falling apart.

That is not a conservative talking point. The New York Times reported on it this week, with the headline “Britain’s National Health Service in Crisis.”

The head of Britain’s N.H.S. warned that the system is overwhelmed. Last year he requested four billion pounds in additional funding. He only got 1.6 billion. Also last year, 10,000 nurses quit.

The crazy thing about this New York Times report is that all the things conservatives criticize about socialized medicine, all the reasons we say it’s a bad idea and unsustainable, are actually happening. And the New York Times actually wrote about it!

It’s the kind of worst-case scenario stuff that the Left makes fun of the Right for talking about. For example:

Hospital hallways jammed with beds of frail and elderly patients waiting to be admitted.

Outpatient appointments canceled because there aren’t enough doctors to meet demand.

Patients waiting over 12 hours in emergency rooms before receiving care.

Undergraduate medical students being asked to volunteer to help ease the crush of patients.

Two weeks ago, hospitals were ordered to postpone all nonurgent surgeries until the end of the month. Many British hospitals also declared “black alerts,” meaning they cannot meet patient demand. On Twitter, British doctors described their overcrowded hospitals as “third world conditions” forcing them to practice “battlefield medicine.”

The N.H.S. director warned that the patient waiting list will grow to five million people by 2021, the highest number ever.

If this stuff wasn’t in the New York Times, no one on the Left would believe it coming from me.

A British construction worker learned from the news about the latest round of thousands of postponed surgeries. He said, “If I receive a notification, it will be the third time my operation is postponed. This is a disgrace. We injure ourselves while working to pay our taxes, and the government just leaves us to suffer.”

Are you listening, America? Still interested in that Bernie Sanders government healthcare plan?

MORE 3 THINGS

Somebody might want to check the temperature in hell, it might be just a tad chillier than normal.

If you missed Friday's episode of The Glenn Beck Program, you missed something you probably never thought you'd see in this timeline or any other. Glenn actually donned President Trump's trademark red "Make America Great Again" hat and laid out the case for why he thinks Trump will win in a landslide in 2020.

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Bottom line: Nancy Pelosi and the mainstream media may have pushed Glenn to this point, but believe it or not, Trump's record will make this next election a walk in the park for number 45. At this point, the sitting president has done enough to earn even Glenn's vote.

Glenn broke down what he thought were the 10 biggest campaign promises that — unlike those made by most politicians — Trump actually kept.

10. Impose a 10% repatriation tax to bring jobs back to America

Not all of Trump's promises were good ones, but regardless of what the consequences may be — he did keep this one.

"Now, I think this one is dangerous," Glenn said on radio Friday. "He did it. Ten percent. Bring all of your money back into the United States. It will create jobs. Yes. It will also create inflation. But it's creating jobs."

9. Withdraw from the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP)

This has been one of Trump's most passionate issues.

"The stop the TPP. Uh-huh. Right. Sure you are. Uh-huh. Yes. He did," Glenn admitted.

8. Withdraw from the disastrous Paris Climate Accord

Glenn found himself eating crow on this.

"I'm on record saying he will never do that because his daughter is a huge global warming person and he only listens to the family. Eh. Wrong," Glenn said with a puff of crow feathers coming from his mouth.

7. Bring North Korea to the table and rein them in

This looked impossible. Not so.

"'I'm going to bring North Korea to the table.' Are you? Everybody has tried to do that," Glenn said. "Now, they're at the table. We don't know what's going to happen. So the result of that is unknown. But has anybody else done that?"

6. Stop over-regulation and jump-start the economy

It's the economy, stupid.

"Does anybody feel like America is beginning to get on track somewhat economically? You know why? Because he fulfilled another promise," Glenn said. "Stop over-regulating the American people. Give them their money. Give the companies the opportunity to expand and bring their money back into the country, and maybe they'll build buildings. Maybe they'll build offices. Maybe they'll build new products. Maybe they'll build new factories. Maybe they'll hire a bunch of people."

Glenn went on.

"Now, I know Seattle is trying to do everything they can to make sure everybody in their city is homeless and unemployed, but the rest of the country is enjoying the feeling of, wow, maybe things are going to be okay."

5. Reverse Obama's executive orders

If you're like Glenn, you've gotten used to politicians promising "no new taxes," but you can really tell they're lying if their lips are moving. Guess what? That's apparently not Trump.

"The executive orders? Yeah. He's reversed a lot of Obama's executive orders," Glenn said. "These are outrageous promises."

4. Pull out of the Iran nuclear deal

No big deal...

"'I'm going to cancel the Iran Deal.' Yep. None of these are small. You know, I've got maybe ten minutes. I think we can get that done in the first term. And they did," Glenn said.

3. Give tax cuts to middle-class Americans

Maybe this could have been better, but we'll take it.

"I don't like the tax cut. I think he could go a lot further," Glenn said. "But that's not even his job. His job is to sign things that Congress puts in front of him. Not to design it. You Republicans in Congress, you disgust me. You disgust me. 'Imagine what we could do if we had the House and the Senate and the White House.' I can imagine what you'll do — nothing. You'll do nothing."

2. Change strategy and defeat ISIS

The mainstream media have been radio silent on this.

"How about the president's — well, I know I can defeat ISIS. I know I can do it. I'll defeat ISIS. He did," Glenn said. "And did you notice no one in the press even talked about it? All of a sudden, we're not talking about ISIS anymore. How come? Oh, I know. President Trump. That's why."

1. Recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and relocate the US embassy

This one is a true game-changer.

"Now, every president will say to you, when he's running, 'I'm going to make Jerusalem the home.' Well, really? The home of the embassy. Really, are you? Because everybody says that, nobody does it. He did it," Glenn said. "And I think that's going to go down as the biggest game-changer possibly in my lifetime. This is going — it already is — it is changing the game in Iran."

Glenn continued.

"And when it does, this president is going to come out and say something directly to those people, that we support them," he said. "And that's going to add fuel to the fire. And you might see a regime change and a collapse of the Islamic regime in Iran. And it will be 100 percent Donald Trump that made that responsible. One hundred percent. You're going to see changes because of this. He kept that promise. A promise I said, he's not going to do that. Nobody is going to do that. He did."

One chapter of ISIS has ended, but another may be starting

AHMAD AL-RUBAYE/AFP/Getty Images

For the most part, ISIS has fallen in Syria and Iraq. But before we celebrate the demise of this awful terrorist group, before we let our guard down, we should zoom out a bit, because ISIS is spreading. ISIS has largely just scattered out of the region as if someone turned on the kitchen lights and they scrambled.

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The Wall Street Journal spoke with Rohan Gunaratna, head of the International Center for Political Violence and Terrorism Research at the Nanyang University in Singapore. “Although Islamic State's ideology has suffered, it still has a huge potential," he told them. “Islamic State has entered a phase of global expansion, very much the same way al Qaeda extended globally in late 2001."

ISIS has spread into West Africa, and throughout much of Southeast Asia, and, as is typical of ISIS, they have done it violently, with a sick venom.

The world is their potential rubble, and their fight is endless.

Again, from the Wall Street Journal: “One chapter of ISIS has finished and another is beginning," said Hassan Hassan, a specialist on Islamic State at the Tahrir Institute for Middle East Policy in Washington. “Their resurgence is coming sooner than expected."

The world is their potential rubble, and their fight is endless.

'The Handmaid's Tale' got it right, just with the wrong religion

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

Just in case The Handmaid's Tale's heavy-handed message wasn't already heavy-handed enough, a recent episode made it clear there's always room for further hysteria. Particularly, in relation to depictions of a “patriarchal society" run by Christian doctrine and determined by men — oh those dastardly men.

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The show appropriates Margaret Atwood of the same name, depicting a totalitarian society led by Christian doctrine in which women's bodies are controlled, and they have no rights. The story sounds familiar, but not in the same way Atwood and the show's creators have so smugly assumed.

Just as tone-deaf as 4th wave feminism itself, and tone-deaf in all the exact same places. Most notably, the show's heavy-handed indignation toward Christianity. Toward the patriarchy. Toward conservatives and traditional values. And just like 4th wave feminism, the show completely overlooks the irony at play. Because there is a part of the world where women and children are being raped and mutilated. In fact, in this very real place, the women or girls are often imprisoned, even executed, for being raped, and they are mutilated in unspeakable ways.

Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life.

There is a place, a very real place, where women are forced to cover their entire bodies with giant tarp-like blankets, which is all the more brutal given the endless heat of this place. There is a place where women literally have one-third of the rights of men, a place where women are legally, socially and culturally worth less than men.

They cannot drive cars. They cannot be outside alone. They cannot divorce, they cannot even choose who they marry and often, they are forcibly married at a young age.

They are raped. A lot. Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life. This is the life of tens, perhaps hundreds of millions of women. And, I'll tell you, their religion isn't Christianity.

Science did it again. It only took 270 million years, but this week, scientists finally solved the mystery that has kept the world up at night. We finally know where octopuses come from: outer space. That explains why they look like the aliens in just about every alien movie ever made.

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It turns out octopuses were aliens that evolved on another planet. Scientists haven't determined which one yet, but they've definitely narrowed it down to one of the planets in one of the galaxies. Hundreds of millions of years ago (give or take a hundred), these evolved octopus aliens arrived on Earth in the form of cryopreserved eggs. Now, this part is just speculation, but it's possible their alien planet was on the verge of destruction, so Mom and Dad Octopus self-sacrificially placed Junior in one of these cryopreserved eggs and blasted him off the planet to save their kind.

This alien-octopus research, co-authored by a group of 33 scientists, was published in the Progress in Biophysics and Molecular Biology journal. I'm sure you keep that on your nightstand like I do.

Anyway, these scientists say octopuses evolved very rapidly over 270 million years. Which sounds slow, but in evolutionary terms, 270 million years is like light speed. And the only explanation for their breakneck evolution is that they're aliens. The report says, “The genome of the Octopus shows a staggering level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes — more than is present in Homo sapiens."

Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

They mention that the octopus' large brain, sophisticated nervous system, camera-like eyes, flexible bodies and ability to change color and shape all point to its alien nature. Octopuses developed those capabilities rather suddenly in evolution, whereas we're still trying to figure out the TV remote.

These biological enhancements are so far ahead of regular evolution that the octopuses must have either time-traveled from the future, or “more realistically" according to scientists, crash-landed on earth in those cryopreserved egg thingies. The report says the eggs arrived here in “icy bolides." I had to look up what a “bolide" is, and turns out it's a fancy word for a meteor.

So, to recap: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an alien race of octopuses packed their sperm-bank samples in some meteors and shot them toward Earth. Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.