"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK," Obama said.
GLENN: I'm hanging up the phone. Barack Obama had this to say in a speech in Oregon this weekend. He said we can drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and we can keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times. Oh, I'm sorry. No. He said we can't do any of those things. That sucks. Man! He said then we can -- if we drive our SUVs and keep our homes at 72 degrees all the time, we can't just expect other countries to say, "Oh, that's okay," because that's not leadership. Excuse me. He's says can't keep -- hang on just a second. Can't keep -- (mumbling). Good, good, it's at 64. As long as it is not 72, I'm okay. I'm a patriot. I got the studio in here at 64 degrees. Just the way I like it. I'm thinking about opening up the windows just to warm it up a bit in here. What's the temperature outside, Stu?
STU: I can find that out for you. Hold on.
GLENN: Find out, would you? That guy just -- I don't even know if it's going to be hotter or colder outside. I'm just going to open up the window. There we go. Nice. Oh, yeah. A little warmer outside. Hang on just a second. I've got to go to the other side of the room. There we go. Set in thermometer in here at 62 and open up the window.
STU: Well, Glenn, with all this global warming here in Manhattan, we are at 52 degrees outside.
GLENN: I better open up both windows and turn the heat on.
GLENN: Adam? Can you just get in the SUV and drive around for a while? Just drive around for a while. Sarah, I want you to go downstairs and get a McGriddle for me. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this program today without a McGriddle and the SUV driving around the block and the windows open and the heat on. Definitely not at 72 degrees, though, because Obama doesn't like it. Because that's not leadership. He said that's not leadership. And boy, let me tell you something -- I don't know what that was.
You know what, can I ask you a question, Dan? Why do I have, why do I have the sweat hotel on? Why do I --
STU: He shares our studio. I don't know why.
GLENN: Why does he -- he shares your studio, not my studio. He uses your control room.
STU: Mr. Computer expert, the same computer you are touching is -- stop it.
GLENN: How do I get it back up to mine?
STU: Just stop pressing buttons. Let Dan fix it, for God sake. You don't know what you're doing. All you are doing is screwing up the entire network.
STU: Yes, comrade!
GLENN: Good news from the Western front. Chairman Barack is using his hallucinogenic powers to make people think that they are evil for eating too much. They're evil for being warm and driving cars that are just a little bigger than the cars they already pollute the Earth with. Oh, just imagine how efficient we can be when we have federal control of the thermostats. We can use the state-controlled media to alert regions which nights they will need extra blankets. "Attention, it's an extra blanket night. Carry on, patriots. Throw on an extra blanket. Grandma may freeze to death, but she's doing it for the state." Oh, and then no more SUVs. If the plan keeps going this well, comrade, eventually people will hate life so much, they won't drive anywhere, thus they'll kill themselves and we can reduce the cost of Social Security benefits. Oh, and we've already prepared them for the food shortages by telling them it's not right to eat as much as you want. Oh, the plan is going faster than ever. Oh, it's so great. Chairman Barack, I salute you. It's always 72 degrees in my heart for you, but in the winter it's always about 52. In the summer it's a nice comfortable 101, right here, for comrade Barack.
Gee. I hope -- you know what? Arghhh! Since when did we become the country, when did we become the country, "Boy, we better not eat anymore." I mean, don't get me wrong. I mean, have you looked at us? Woof. But when was that the solution? We better not eat what we want? I'm sorry. Are we all out of farmland? This is incredible. The ridiculousness of Obama's rhetoric. I used to think the people would see how ridiculous this was and they would start to distance themselves from it. The exact opposite is happening. In your right mind, conservative or liberal, would you ever thought that someone would cheer at, "Hey, we better not keep our houses at 72 degrees. We can eat as much as we want." And they cheer? "Oh, yeah, Glenn, but they're just -- I mean, he is just trying to give us advice on how to live a greener life. What's wrong with that?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Greener life.
Let me ask you a question. You think Barack Obama is for a bigger or smaller government? "See, I know what you're doing here. I think this is a trap." No, no, it's not a trap. It's just Barack's actions and words. He is the most liberal senator in the Senate. "Yeah, he's for big kids. You know, big oil, big kids. He loves the kids. That's who he's for, the kids. He loves kids, oh, kids, kids, kids. Even goats that are babies, he loves them, too. More school for kids, the goat kind. Better schools for the kid kid kind. You know what I'm saying?" He thinks the government can do it better than you can. The government doesn't do anything right! I love these people who are not doing enough. "Oh, the government has failed us, the government has done this." Let's make it bigger. Let's make it fuller. I don't even understand it. It's like you hired some kid who's in a nasty car accident has severe mental damage and then beat himself some more -- you know, another 20 points off his IQ just beating himself with a shovel and then you hire him. He can't do the job at all and you're like, I don't want this CEO, he can't do the job. And the frightening part is he's not going to stop at suggestions. "You know, if we could just federally control your thermometer." He's not going to stop at that. He's just proposing things somewhere that forces us to stop driving our SUVs. Stop being able to eat as much as we want, control our thermostat. You should be frightened because I'm not making this up. If you think this is just conservative fearmongering, I invite you to read the news about California. California trying to get control of people's thermostats! It's already happened. And people out in California like, (toking sounds), sounds like a really good idea. Luckily there's still some people throughout with common sense. Turns out that even the environmentalist nut jobs in the people's Republic of California like to be warm and cozy in their own homes when they set the thermostat at whatever temperature they like. They actually proposed having the government be able to control your thermostat! Well, that's great. Pretty soon I could just go poo-poo in my pants and they'll come and change me, too. "Oh, Glennie stinky, can a senator come and change me?" .
You know the other thing that bothers me is he cares about how much other countries -- what they think about us. I talked to a friend who was just in South Africa. He said he was about -- he swears, about every 100 yards there's an Obama poster. Why? Do they vote in South Africa, can they vote in our elections? I mean, we found out last week the Palestinians have a phone bank for Barack Obama. And you know what? It doesn't bother me. I don't mind having a popular President. But name the popular President that has been so great with Europe that our enemies were afraid of? I'm sorry. It's not a popularity contest. We're running our country. Who cares what other people think about us? As long as we're being responsible human beings. How about we just keep trying to be the best country on the planet, let everybody else wallow in their inferiority complex or whatever. We're never going to achieve continued greatness in this country if we try to be like other countries. It can't happen! Other countries are all trying to be like us. In case you haven't noticed, most countries are moving away from the Marxist utopia society mostly because it hasn't worked anywhere ever in the history of mankind. They are making a beeline for capitalism. Meanwhile we're buying blankets. Stock up on food. Put it in the back of your SUV while you can because choices like those aren't going to be around much longer. We'll be standing in line for Barack toilet paper soon. Well, I won't be. But a senator will be because he's got to change Glennie's poopies. Glennie's got stinky poopies in his pants.
Jeez. Can you imagine what a bad job the government would do changing diapers? Tape's bad for the environment; we're going to staple these on you.