Glenn Beck: Cap and Trade


Learn more about Glenn's Mid-Life Crisis in Fusion Magazine

GLENN: From Midtown Manhattan in Rockefeller Plaza high above the ice rink and within spitting distance of Keith Olbermann. Hello and welcome to the program. I'm -- no, I've tried. I'm almost there. I am. But welcome to the program. My name is Glenn Beck. I'm glad that you're here. We have to wish somebody a happy birthday today. Stu's wife Lisa, who is the voice that you hear, the -- what does it say?

STU: Fusion of entertainment and enlightenment. You've only heard it three times a day for the last eight years.

GLENN: So she's the voice of the program. And she works for a very trendy -- she's very trendy. She works for a very trendy, cool, fashionable radio station and, you know, basically she is the kind of person that Stu really has no right to hang around.

STU: Thank you for that. I would agree.

GLENN: No, I'm just saying. And apparently she's fighting -- she's being shoved through the exit door out of her 20s and right into another, more of a plus sized door, 30s.

STU: This is a big transition, yes.

GLENN: Yeah. She's not happy about it, is she?

STU: I would say she's taking it a little hard. Which is unnecessary for her.

GLENN: 40 kind of hit me. 40 hit me, but 40 hit me hard because none of my friends called, wrote, nothing. My wife threw a surprise party for me, but because of my schedule, and I don't remember what it was, she threw it for, like, three weeks after. Do you remember that, Stu?

STU: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

GLENN: It was like three weeks after my party and, like, all my friends were just like, hey, whatever. And I was really, I didn't expect it and didn't expect a big party or anything like that. But then Tania said -- because Tania's really not a good liar and so she just, you know, blew by it because she didn't want to make a big deal and fake it. And so -- there's so many lines there. She just --

STU: How did I miss all of them?

GLENN: I know, I know. Good for you, Stu.

STU: I should be docked today's pay.

GLENN: Okay. So she didn't say anything and I'm, like, starting to think my wife, she didn't even really say anything about my 40th. I mean, it's starting to bother me; I don't think she loves me.

STU: So in her effort to make a great day for you, she almost drove you to depression.

GLENN: I almost killed myself. And we were down in Washington for something and I said to -- I said to Chris -- and it was the day of the party and I said, Chris, I said, you know what, I'm just going to call Tania. Let's just have dinner here in Washington. He's like, no! We have to -- and he started talking like, you know, William Shatner, we... have to... get to train... now. And it was just odd. But anyway, so 40 really hit me and took me by surprise. 30 for a woman, going to hit her. It's going to hit her.

STU: Why? She's never had a problem with any of the other birthdays.

GLENN: Explain cap and trade to me, Stu.

STU: Cap and trade as far as carbon emissions?

GLENN: Carbon emissions.

STU: Global warming?

GLENN: Explain cap and trade. I'm going to explain how the world works, cap and trade.

STU: All right. Well, in a global warming environment.

GLENN: Yeah.

STU: Basically you would put a cap, like a salary cap in sports.

GLENN: Yes.

STU: I know you understand that analogy. Like a cap in the total amount of carbon emissions.

GLENN: Yes.

STU: And then companies that use less than their share, quote/unquote, whatever the government decides is their share, then they can trade the excess to companies who use more than their share.

GLENN: Got it.

STU: So you cap the total amount but then you can trade.

GLENN: But it's really all about money, isn't it?

STU: Oh, yes.

GLENN: It's all about money.

STU: Definitely all about money.

GLENN: The more money you have, the more you can trade, the more things you can buy. Right?

STU: Yes. You would be able to --

GLENN: The more carbon units you can buy.

STU: Yes. You would be able to buy as many units as you needed.

GLENN: Got it. Stu, what is the basic fundamental building block of the human body?

STU: I mean, the reproductive system?

GLENN: No, no, no. What is the basic fundamental building block of all of life?

STU: The molecule?

GLENN: No, the basic fundamental -- carbon.

STU: Carbon.

GLENN: We are carbon units.

STU: Okay.

GLENN: Okay? So let me tell you about the basic fundamental building block, the cap and trade system of carbon units.

STU: I don't know where you're going with this, but it doesn't seem like it's going to turn out well.

GLENN: Stu, she's 30 now.

STU: Yes, she is. Today.

GLENN: Cap, trade.

STU: What does that mean?

GLENN: Cap, and trade. She's 30. You can cap her now. 30 is -- you cap her.

STU: Cap her as in, like, shoot her? You put a cap in her?

GLENN: Look. Stu, think of your salary.

STU: Okay.

GLENN: Think of the salary you made when you married her.

STU: Sure.

GLENN: Okay. Do you think there's a difference there?

STU: There is a difference there.

GLENN: But you're walking around with the same thing that you, you know, you had when you were making the other salary.

STU: I didn't --

GLENN: And she's depreciated.

STU: I don't know what you're saying.

GLENN: Just listen to me. Just listen to me. She's depreciated, okay? So what you do -- and it's nothing against Lisa. You know I love her.

STU: Just because you're telling me that my wife is depreciating, you're saying there's nothing against her?

GLENN: No, no, no. Because she's depreciating to you. Like for me, she's not depreciating.

STU: Okay.

GLENN: Okay? Because she's 30. But I'm 45.

STU: Uh-huh.

GLENN: So she's still, she's below my cap.

STU: Okay.

GLENN: My cap, 40. Tania, she's like, I don't know, 30 something or other.

STU: You don't know --

GLENN: I don't know.

STU: You just know her --

GLENN: I have a deal in my calendar on the, you know, desktop calendar, an alarm of when she hits 40.

STU: And then what happens then?

GLENN: Trade her. But I trade her for somebody like Lisa who is younger. Now, I wouldn't trade her -- if Tania were 40 today, I would trade her for Lisa because I know her, I like her. She's nice.

STU: Okay. This is --

GLENN: And she's hot and she's cool.

STU: All making me very uncomfortable. Go ahead.

GLENN: But I'm just -- we're talking carbon.

STU: Right. This is just --

GLENN: All we're doing is we're talking carbon.

STU: This is all mathematics you're saying?

GLENN: Yeah. We're trading carbon. You see what I'm saying? What?

STU: So I just want to make sure I understand the basics before we go on.

GLENN: You should be with somebody 22.

STU: That's a very good point. So you are saying that I have to -- I've capped my marriage --

GLENN: At 30.

STU: At 30 and now I'm going to trade for a 22-year-old.

GLENN: Yes.

STU: And you're capping your wife at 40 and you are going to trade for a 30-year-old?

GLENN: Yes. But that always changes, see? So it's -- because people will say, oh, this is horrible, how could you possibly do this?

STU: A lot of people would say it. Like almost everyone would.

GLENN: No, no. It's because they misunderstand.

STU: They misunderstand the --

GLENN: No, they don't understand carbon trading, all right? Because it's not bad, because no matter what scientists say, carbon is not bad. It is the basic building block. I'm not going to -- what are we going to do? Sequester Lisa? No, we're not going to sequester her. It's carbon. It's the basic building block of life. She's just, I don't know how many carbon units but that's what she is, she's several carbon units.

STU: Okay. So she's the -- you're giving her the -- you are calling her the basic building block of life.

GLENN: Building block of life.

STU: That should be traded like a commodity?

GLENN: No, not like a commodity.

STU: That's what cap and trade is. I mean, it's -- essentially.

GLENN: Stu, we're trying to help the planet, right?

STU: Okay.

GLENN: We're trying to help -- we're trying to help the planet, okay? So let's just do what's right for the planet.

STU: Because I don't want to be accused of hating the planet.

GLENN: No.

STU: I will say that.

GLENN: No.

STU: Because now you are making -- you are kind of shining a different light on this.

GLENN: So now listen. So you might say in this -- because right now do you feel bad for Lisa? If you would say, hey, I'm going to cap and trade you?

STU: Yes, I feel terrible.

GLENN: Absolutely. But because she's 30, she would be getting another model, not a newer model, but a wealthier model.

STU: Right, she's going to trade up.

GLENN: She's going to trade up.

STU: The income ladder.

GLENN: Like me, okay?

STU: This is -- why do you keep using yourself as an example? Can we use someone else?

GLENN: No, I just -- I can't think of anybody else.

STU: You can't think of anyone else? There's so many people in the world.

GLENN: I'm just saying. So we cap -- you've capped her at 30. Now, I wouldn't -- I wouldn't do it because she's 30. You know, Tania I'm not willing -- I love my wife. I'm not willing to trade her until she hits 40.

STU: That's really gracious of you.

GLENN: I know. So -- but the great thing is she trades up and then it just keeps going. So for instance, like I would never be with a 22-year-old because that's too young.

STU: That would be weird.

GLENN: That would be weird.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: When you're my age, when you're 40, you don't go with a 22-year-old, you don't go with 28. That's why it's a sliding scale. That's how you get a 50-year-old woman to be with, like, an 80-year-old.

STU: So the 80-year-old guy --

GLENN: The 80-year-old guy, lots of money usually and he's like, she's hot. Because he's 80; she's 50.

STU: Right.

GLENN: Of course she's hot.

STU: Right.

GLENN: You know what I mean? It would be sick if the 80 was with, like, a 30-year-old. But 50, it's the cap and trade system.

STU: Are there actual levels, like, that you have to cap? Or is this a personal cap you get to choose from?

GLENN: No, we'll have some sort of a -- you know, we would have to get a committee together.

STU: A committee? Of --

GLENN: Somebody to, you know, say -- you know, to examine all of the people and to say, hmmm.

STU: So what do I have to do next? What's my next step? Because my wife turned 30 today.

GLENN: It's easy. It's in the name. Cap, and trade.

STU: So I trade for a -- I'm looking for a 22-year-old now.

GLENN: That would be capped.

STU: Well, I guess you are telling me I need to cap.

GLENN: Do you care about the planet?

STU: No, I don't -- I mean, I care about the planet.

GLENN: Sometimes it's hard to do. Do you know how hard it's been for me to use fluorescent light bulbs?

STU: No.

GLENN: It's been very difficult.

STU: So you are saying I need to make a sacrifice here.

GLENN: You need to make a sacrifice. It's for your children.

STU: For a 22-year-old?

GLENN: Yeah. It's for your children.

STU: I don't have any children.

GLENN: You know why?

STU: No, I don't -- well, I yes, I know why. I know the process. I understand why it hasn't --

GLENN: That clock is ticking there.

STU: I don't think that's true.

GLENN: No, it is. That clock is ticking. She's close to being barren. She's --

STU: This is -- all of this is making me very uncomfortable.

GLENN: She is close to -- it is a -- science -- look, it's not me.

STU: No, no, not you, definitely not.

GLENN: This is almost a scientific consensus. This close to being barren.

STU: When you say almost, what's --

GLENN: Within 1,000 years.

STU: It will be a scientific --

GLENN: Yeah, within 1,000 years she will be barren. No, it could happen in 15 years, could happen in five years, I don't know. But definitely within 1,000 years she will be completely barren and all because you wouldn't trade carbon.

STU: So you are saying it's my earthly duty?

GLENN: It is.

STU: To be green.

GLENN: Absolutely.

STU: I have to cap and trade my wife and give them to someone like you that you can't name another person as an example?

GLENN: No. But it won't be me.

STU: Right.

GLENN: Because I love my wife.

STU: Until she's 40.

GLENN: Yeah, but then she -- I mean, come on. We haven't talked about this but she understands.

STU: Are you sure that we would understand that? Have you explained the cap and trade system to her?

GLENN: No, but I'm pretty sure she would -- you don't think -- yeah, she would understand. She knows.

STU: It's possible she might not.

GLENN: Well, anything's possible. It's not probable. I mean, women have to understand the cap and trade. I mean, look who they're with.

Stu, look who your wife is with.

STU: Right. Me.

GLENN: You.

STU: Not good.

GLENN: Right.

STU: That was not a good move.

GLENN: Look who my wife is with.

STU: You.

GLENN: Right.

STU: Terrible move.

GLENN: She knows that ain't gonna last.

STU: That's against nature. I mean, really it hurts nature. Nature cries when she sees that coupling.

GLENN: Hang on. Sally is on the phone. Yes, Sally. Sally is -- Sally is gone, I guess.

STU: She must have got capped.

GLENN: Or traded. I'm not sure. She might be on the Laura Ingraham show right now. Could be.

STU: It's interesting. I just feel like it's maybe a little -- I don't know. I don't know that this system works for, I don't -- somewhere around 50% of the population. Seems like 50% of it would like it but then the other 50% -- I can't -- there's some, like, party line. Maybe it's on gender.

GLENN: Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this: You think that this is demeaning, treating women like meat.

STU: I would say yes.

It's time for our April 29, 2019 edition of our Candidate Power Rankings. We get to add two new candidates, write about a bunch of people that have little to no chance of winning, and thank the heavens we are one day closer to the end of all of this.

In case you're new here, read our explainer about how all of this works:

The 2020 Democratic primary power rankings are an attempt to make sense out of the chaos of the largest field of candidates in global history.

Each candidate gets a unique score in at least thirty categories, measuring data like polling, prediction markets, fundraising, fundamentals, media coverage, and more. The result is a candidate score between 0-100. These numbers will change from week to week as the race changes.

The power rankings are less a prediction on who will win the nomination, and more a snapshot of the state of the race at any given time. However, early on, the model gives more weight to fundamentals and potentials, and later will begin to prioritize polling and realities on the ground.

These power rankings include only announced candidates. So, when you say "WAIT!! WHERE'S XXXXX????" Read the earlier sentence again.

If you're like me, when you read power rankings about sports, you've already skipped ahead to the list. So, here we go.

See previous editions here.

20. Wayne Messam: 13.4 (Last week: 18th / 13.4)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

A former staffer of Wayne Messam is accusing his wife of hoarding the campaign's money.

First, how does this guy have "former" staffers? He's been running for approximately twelve minutes.

Second, he finished dead last in the field in fundraising with $44,000 for the quarter. Perhaps hoarding whatever money the campaign has is not the worst idea.

His best shot at the nomination continues to be something out of the series "Designated Survivor."

Other headlines:

19. Marianne Williamson: 17.1 (Last week: 17th / 17.1)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Marianne Williamson would like you to pay for the sins of someone else's great, great, great grandparents. Lucky you!

Williamson is on the reparations train like most of the field, trying to separate herself from the pack by sheer monetary force.

How much of your cash does she want to spend? "Anything less than $100 billion is an insult." This is what I told the guy who showed up to buy my 1989 Ford Tempo. It didn't work then either.

Other headlines:

18. John Delaney: 19.7 (Last week: 15th / 20.3)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Good news: John Delaney brought in $12.1 million in the first quarter, enough for fifth in the entire Democratic field!

Bad news: 97% of the money came from his own bank account.

Other headlines:

17. Eric Swalwell: 20.2 (Last week: 16th / 20.2)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

The Eric Swalwell formula:

  • Identify news cycle
  • Identify typical left-wing reaction
  • Add steroids

Democrats said there was obstruction in the Mueller report. Swalwell said there “certainly" was collusion.

Democrats said surveillance of the Trump campaign was no big deal. Swalwell said there was no need to apologize even if it was.

Democrats said William Barr mishandled the release of the Mueller report. Swalwell said he must resign.

Democrats say they want gun restrictions. Swalwell wants them all melted down and the liquid metal to be poured on the heads of NRA members. (Probably.)

16. Seth Moulton: 20.6 (NEW)

Who is Seth Moulton?

No, I'm asking.

Moulton falls into the category of congressman looking to raise his profile and make his future fundraising easier— not someone who is actually competing for the presidency.

He tried to block Nancy Pelosi as speaker, so whatever help he could get from the establishment is as dry as Pelosi's eyes when the Botox holds them open for too long.

Moulton is a veteran, and his military service alone is enough to tell you that he's done more with his life than I'll ever do with mine. But it's hard to see the road to the White House for a complete unknown in a large field of knowns.

Don't take my word for it, instead read this depressing story that he's actually telling people on purpose:

"I said, you know, part of my job is take tough questions," Moulton told the gathered business and political leaders. "You can ask even really difficult questions. And there was still silence. And then finally, someone in the way back of the room raised her hand, and she said, 'Who are you?' "

Yeah. Who are you?

15. Tim Ryan: 21.6 (Last week: 14th / 20.7)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

When you're talking to less than sixteen people in Iowa one week after your launch, you don't have too much to be excited about.

Ryan did get an interview on CNN, where he also talked to less than sixteen people.

He discussed his passion for the Dave Matthews Band, solidifying a key constituency in the year 1995.

Other headlines:

14. Tulsi Gabbard: 25.2 (Last week: 14th / 25.9)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Tulsi Gabbard torched Kamala Harris in fundraising!!!!! (Among Indian-American donors.)

No word on who won the coveted handi-capable gender-neutral sodium-sensitive sub-demographic.

She received a mostly false rating for her attack on the Trump administration regarding its new policy on pork inspections, a topic not exactly leading the news cycle. Being from Hawaii, the state which leads the nation in Spam consumption, she was probably surprised when this didn't go mega viral.

Other headlines:

13. Andrew Yang: 27.2 (Last week: 12th / 27.1)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Yang has a few go-to lines when he's on the campaign trail, such as: "The opposite of Donald Trump is an Asian man who likes math." Another is apparently the Jeb-esque "Chant my name! Chant my name!"

Yang continues to be one of the more interesting candidates in this race, essentially running a remix of the "One Tough Nerd" formula that worked for Michigan Governor Rick Snyder.

I highly recommend listening to his interview with Ben Shapiro, where Yang earns respect as the only Democratic presidential candidate in modern history to actually show up to a challenging and in-depth interview with a knowledgeable conservative.

But hidden in the Shapiro interview is the nasty little secret of the Yang campaign. His policy prescriptions, while still very liberal, come off as far too sane for him to compete in this Stalin look-alike contest.

Other headlines:

12. Jay Inslee: 30.4 (Last week: 11th / 30.4)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

If you read the Inslee candidate profile, I said he was running a one-issue climate campaign. This week, he called for a climate change-only debate, and blamed Donald Trump for flooding in Iowa.

He also may sign the nation's first "human composting" legalization bill. He can start by composting his presidential campaign.

Other headlines:

11. John Hickenlooper: 32.2 (Last week: 10th / 32.0)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

John Hickenlooper was sick of being asked if he would put a woman on the ticket, in the 0.032% chance he actually won the nomination.

So he wondered why the female candidates weren't being asked if they would name a male VP if they won?

Seems like a logical question, but only someone who is high on tailpipe fumes would think it was okay to ask in a Democratic primary. Hickenlooper would be better served by just transitioning to a female and demanding other candidates are asked why they don't have a transgendered VP.

Other headlines:

10. Julian Castro: 35.7 (Last week: 9th / 36.2)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Lowering expectations is a useful strategy when your wife asks you to put together an Ikea end table, or when you've successfully convinced Charlize Theron to come home with you. But is it a successful campaign strategy?

Julian Castro is about to find out. He thinks the fact that everyone thinks he's crashing and burning on the campaign trail so far is an "advantage." Perhaps he can take the rest of the field by surprise on Super Tuesday when they finally realize he's actually running.

Other headlines:

9. Kirsten Gillibrand: 38.1 (Last week: 8th / 37.8)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Gillibrand wants you to know that the reason her campaign has been such a miserable failure so far, is because she called for a certain senator to step down. The problem might also be that another certain senator isn't a good presidential candidate.

She also spent the week arm wrestling, and dancing at a gay bar called Blazing Saddle. In this time of division, one thing we can all agree on: Blazing Saddle is a really solid name for a gay bar.

Other headlines:

8. Amy Klobuchar: 45.1 (Last week: 7th / 45.5)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Klobuchar is attempting a run in the moderate wing of the Democratic primary, which would be a better idea if such a wing existed.

She hasn't committed to impeaching Donald Trump and has actually voted to confirm over half of his judicial nominees. My guess is this will not be ignored by her primary opponents.

She also wants to resolve an ongoing TPS issue, which I assume means going by Peter Gibbons' desk every morning and making sure he got the memo about the new cover sheets.

Other headlines:

7. Elizabeth Warren: 45.3 (Last week: 6th / 46.0)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Elizabeth Warren is bad at everything she does while she's campaigning. I don't really even watch Game of Thrones, and the idea that Warren would write a story about how the show proves we need more powerful women makes me cringe.

Of course, more powerful people of all the 39,343 genders are welcome, but it's such a transparent attempt at jumping on the back of a pop-culture event to pander to female voters, it's sickening.

We can only hope that when she's watching Game of Thrones, she's gonna grab her a beer.

Other headlines:

6. Cory Booker: 54.9 (Last week: 5th / 55.5)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Booker is tied with Kamala Harris for the most missed Senate votes of the campaign so far. He gets criticized for this, but I think he should miss even more votes.

Booker is also pushing a national day off on Election Day—because the approximately six months of early voting allowed in every state just isn't enough.

Of course, making it easier to vote doesn't mean people are going to vote for Booker. So he's throwing trillions of dollars in bribes (my word, not his) to seal the deal.

Bookermania is in full effect, with 40 whole people showing up to his appearance in Nevada. Local press noted that the people were of "varying ages," an important distinction to most other crowds, which are entirely comprised of people with the same birthday.

Other headlines:

5. Robert Francis O’Rourke: 60.2 (Last week: 4th /62.6)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

Kirsten Gillibrand gave less than 2% of her income to charity. The good news is that she gave about seven times as much as Beto O'Rourke. Robert Francis, or Bob Frank, also happens to be one of the wealthiest candidates in the race. His late seventies father-in-law has been estimated to be worth as much as $20 billion, though the number is more likely to be a paltry $500 million.

He's made millions from a family company investing in fossil fuels and pharmaceutical stocks, underpaid his taxes for multiple years, and is suing the government to lower property taxes on a family-owned shopping center.

He's also all but disappeared. It's a long race, and you don't win a nomination in April of the year before election day. If he's being frugal and figuring out what he believes, it might be a good move.

But it's notable that all the "pretty boy" hype that Bob Frank owned going into this race has been handed over to Mayor Pete. Perhaps Beto is spending his time working on curbing the sweating, the hand gestures, and the issues with jumping on counters like a feline.

Other headlines:

4. Pete Buttigieg: 62.9 (Last week: 3rd / 62.9)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

When we first put candidates in tiers earlier this year, we broke everyone into five categories from "Front Runners" to "Eh, no." In the middle is a category called "Maybe, if everything goes right," and that's where we put Pete Buttigieg.

Well, everything has gone right so far. But Mayor Pete will be interested to learn that the other 19 candidates in this race are not going to hand him this nomination. Eventually, they will start saying negative things about him (they've started the opposition research process already), and it will be interesting to see how Petey deals with the pressure. We've already seen how it has affected Beto in a similar situation.

The media has spoken endlessly about the sexual orientation of Buttigieg, but not every Democratic activist is impressed. Barney Frank thinks the main reason he's getting this amount of attention is because he is gay. And for some, being a gay man just means you're a man, which isn't good enough.

When you base your vote on a candidate's genitals, things can get confusing.

Other headlines:

3. Kamala Harris: 68.6 (Last week: 1st / 69.1)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

There are a couple of ways to view the Harris candidacy so far.

#1 - Harris launched with much fanfare and an adoring media. She has since lost her momentum. Mayor Pete and former Mayor Bernie have the hype, and Kamala is fading.

#2 - Harris is playing the long game. She showed she can make an impact with her launch, but realizes that a media "win" ten months before an important primary means nothing. She's working behind the scenes and cleaning up with donations, prominent supporters, and loads of celebrities to execute an Obama style onslaught.

I tend to be in category 2, but I admit that's somewhat speculative. Harris seems to be well positioned to make a serious run, locking up more than double the amount of big Clinton and Obama fundraisers than any other candidate.

One interesting policy development for Harris that may hurt her in the primary is her lack of utter disgust for the nation of Israel. There's basically one acceptable position in a Democratic primary when it comes to Israel, which is that it's a racist and terrorist state, existing only to torture innocent Palestinians.

Certainly no one is going to mistake Harris for Donald Trump, but a paragraph like this is poison to the modern Democratic primary voter:

"Her support for Israel is central to who she is," Harris' campaign communications director, Lily Adams, told McClatchy. "She is firm in her belief that Israel has a right to exist and defend itself, including against rocket attacks from Gaza."

Just portraying the rocket attacks as "attacks" is controversial these days for Democrats, and claiming they are responses to attacks indicates you think the Jeeeewwwwwwwws aren't the ones responsible for the start of every hostility. Heresy!

Someone get Kamala a copy of the 'Protocols of the Elders of Zion' before she blows her chance to run the free world.

2. Bernie Sanders: 69.2 (Last week: 2nd / 68.3)

CANDIDATE PROFILE

If Bernie Sanders hates millionaires as much as he claims, he must hate the mirror. As a millionaire, it might surprise some that he donated only 1% to charity. But it shouldn't.

It's entirely consistent with Sandersism to avoid giving to private charity. Why would you? Sanders believes the government does everything better than the private sector. He should be giving his money to the government.

Of course, he doesn't. He takes the tax breaks from the evil Trump tax plan he derides. He spends his money on fabulous vacation homes. He believes in socialism for thee, not for me.

Yes, this is enough to convince the Cardi B's of the world, all but guaranteeing a lock on the rapper-and-former-stripper-that-drugged-and-stole-from-her-prostitution-clients demographic. But can that lack of consistency hold up in front of general election voters?

If Bernie reads this and would like a path to credibility, clear out your bank account and send it here:

Gifts to the United States
U.S. Department of the Treasury
Funds Management Branch
P.O. Box 1328
Parkersburg, WV 26106-1328


Other headlines:

1. Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.: 78.8 (NEW)

Joe has run for president 113 times during his illustrious career, successfully capturing the presidency in approximately zero of his campaigns.

However, when the eternally woke Barack Obama had a chance to elevate a person of color, woman, or anything from the rainbow colored QUILTBAG, he instead chose the oldest, straightest, whitest guy he could find, and our man Robinette was the beneficiary.

Biden has been through a lot, much of it of his own making. Forget about his plagiarism and propensity to get a nostril full of each passing females' hair, his dealings while vice president in both Ukraine and China are a major general election vulnerability— not to mention a legal vulnerability for his children. But hey, win the presidency and you can pardon everyone, right?

His supposed appeal to rust belt voters makes him, on paper, a great candidate to take on Trump. The Clinton loss hinged on about 40,000 voters changing their mind from Hillary to Donald in a few states—the exact areas where victory could possibly be secured by someone named "Middle Class Joe" (as he alone calls himself.)

No one loves Joe Biden more than Joe Biden, and there's a relatively convincing case for his candidacy. But we must remember this unquestionable truth: Joe Biden is not good at running for president.

He's a gaffe machine that churns out mistake after mistake, hoping only to have his flubs excused by his unending charisma. But, will that work without the use of his legendary groping abilities? Only time, and a few dozen unnamed women, will tell.

Also, yes. Robinette is really his middle name.

If only Karl Marx were alive today to see his wackiest ideas being completely paraded around. He would be so proud. I can see him now: Sprawled out on his hammock from REI, fiddling around for the last vegan potato chip in the bag as he binge-watches Academy Awards on his 70-inch smart TV. In between glances at his iPhone X (he's got a massive Twitter following), he sips Pepsi. In his Patagonia t-shirt and NIKE tennis shoes, he writes a line or two about "oppression" and "the have-nots" as part of his job for Google.

His house is loaded with fresh products from all the woke companies. In the fridge, he's got Starbucks, he loves their soy milk. He's got Ben & Jerry's in the freezer. He tells everyone that, if he shaved, he'd use Gillette, on account of the way they stand up for the Have-Nots. But, really, Marx uses Dollar Shave Club because it's cheaper, a higher quality. Secretly, he loves Chic-Fil-A. He buys all his comic books off Amazon. The truth is, he never thought people would actually try to make the whole "communism" thing work.

RELATED: SOCIALISM: This is the most important special we have done

Companies have adopted a form of socialism that is sometimes called woke capitalism. They use their status as corporations to spread a socialist message and encourage people to do their part in social justice. The idea of companies in America using socialism at all is as confusing and ridiculous as a donkey in a prom dress: How did this happen? Is it a joke? Why is nobody bursting out in laughter? How far is this actually going to go? Does someone actually believe that they can take a donkey to prom?

Companies have adopted a form of socialism that is sometimes called woke capitalism.

On the micro level, Netflix has made some socialist moves: The "like/dislike" voting system was replaced after a Netflix-sponsored stand-up special by Amy Schumer received as tidal wave of thumb-downs. This summer, Netflix will take it a step further in the name of squashing dissent by disabling user comments and reviews. And of course most of us share a Netflix account with any number of people. Beyond that, they're as capitalist as the next mega-company.

Except for one area: propaganda. Netflix has started making movie-length advertisements for socialism. They call them "documentaries," but we know better than that. The most recent example is "Knock Down the House," which comes out tomorrow. The 86-minute-long commercial for socialism follows four "progressive Democrat" women who ran in the 2018 midterms, including our favorite socialist AOC.

Here's a snippet from the movie so good that you'll have to fight the urge to wave your USSR flag around the room:

This is what the mainstream media wants you to believe. They want you to be moved. They want the soundtrack to inspire you to go out and do something.

Just look at how the mainstream media treated the recent high-gloss "documentary" about Ilhan Omar, "Time for Ilhan." It received overwhelmingly bad ratings on IMDb and other user-review platforms, but got a whopping 93% on the media aggregator Rotten Tomatoes.

This is exactly what the media wants you to think of when you hear the word socialism. Change. Empowerment. Strength. Diversity. They spend so much energy trying to make socialism cool. They gloss right over the unbelievable death toll. BlazeTV's own Matt Kibbe made a great video on this exact topic.

Any notion of socialism in America is a luxury, made possible by capitalism. The woke companies aren't actually doing anything for socialism. If they're lucky, they might get a boost in sales, which is the only thing they want anyway.

We want to show you the truth. We want to tell you the stories you won't hear anywhere else, not on Netflix, not at some movie festival. We're going to tell you what mainstream media doesn't want you to know.

Look at how much history we've lost over the years. They changed it slowly. But they had to. Because textbooks were out. So people were watching textbooks. It was printed. You would bring the book home. Mom and dad might go through it and check it out. So you had to slowly do things.

Well, they're not anymore. There are no textbooks anymore. Now, you just change them overnight. And we are losing new history. History is being changed in realtime.

RELATED: 'Good Morning Texas' joins Glenn to get an inside look at Mercury Museum

You have to write down what actually is happening and keep a journal. Don't necessarily tell everybody. Just keep a journal for what is happening right now. At some point, our kids won't have any idea of the truth. They will not have any idea of what this country was, how it really happened. Who were the good guys. Who were the bad guys. Who did what.

As Michelle Obama said. Barack knows. We have to change our history. Well, that's exactly what's happening. But it's happening at a very rapid pace.

We have to preserve our history. It is being systematically erased.

I first said this fifteen years ago, people need clay plots. We have to preserve our history as people preserved histories in ancient days, with the dead see scrolls, by putting them in caves in a clay pot. We have to preserve our history. It is being systematically erased. And I don't mean just the history of the founding of our country. I mean the history that's happening right now.

And the history that's happening right now, you're a problem if you're a conservative or a Christian. You are now a problem on the left, if you disagree and fall out of line at all. This is becoming a fascistic party. And you know what a fascist is. It doesn't matter if you're a Democrat or a Republican or an independent. If you believe it's my way or the highway, if you believe that people don't have a right to their opinion or don't have a right to their own life — you could do be a fascist.

Christianity might seem pretty well-protected in the U.S., but that's not the case in many parts of the globe.

On Easter Sunday, suicide bombers made the news for killing 290 innocent Christians in Sri Lanka and injuring another 500. On Tuesday, ISIS claimed responsibility for the massacre. Of course, the Western world mourned this tragic loss of life on a holy day of worship, but we forget that this isn't an isolated incident. Indeed, Christians are discriminated at extreme levels worldwide, and it needs to be brought to light. And whenever we do highlight brutal persecutions such as the Easter bombings in Sri Lanka, we need to call them what they are — targeted attacks against Christians. Sadly, many of our politicians are deathly afraid to do so.

RELATED: Hey media, there is absolutely a war on Christians!

A 2018 Pew Research Center study found that Christians are harassed in 144 countries — the most of any other faith — slightly outnumbering Muslims for the top of the list. Additionally, Open Doors, a non-profit organization that works to serve persecuted Christians worldwide, found in their 2019 World Watch List that over 245 million Christians are seriously discriminated against for their religious beliefs. Sadly, this translates into 4,136 Christians killed and 2,625 either arrested, sentenced, imprisoned, or detained without trial over the year-long study period. And when it comes to churches, those in Sri Lanka were merely added to a long list of 1,266 Christian buildings attacked for their religion.

These breathtaking stats receive very little coverage in the Western world. And there seems to be a profound hesitation from politicians in discussing the issue of persecution against Christians. In the case of the Sri Lanka bombings, there's even a reluctance to use the word "Christian."

After the horrific Pittsburgh Synagogue and New Zealand Mosque shootings, Democrats rightfully acknowledged the disturbing trend of targeted attacks against Jews and Muslims. But some of these same politicians refer to the Sri Lanka bombings with careless ambiguity.

So why is it so hard for our leaders to acknowledge the persecutions Christians face?

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, for instance, certainly did — calling the incursions "attacks on Easter worshippers." Understandably, the term confused and frustrated many Christians. Although, supporters of these politicians argued the term was appropriate since a recent Associated Press report used it, and it was later picked up by a variety of media outlets, including Fox News. However, as more Democrats like 2020 presidential candidate Julián Castro and Rep. Dan Kildee continued to use the phrase "Easter worshippers," it became clear that these politicians were going out of their way to avoid calling a spade a spade.

So why is it so hard for our leaders to acknowledge the persecutions Christians face? For starters, Christianity in democratic countries like the U.S. is seen differently than in devastated countries like Somalia. According to Pew Research, over 70% of Americans are Christian, with 66% of those Christians being white and 35% baby boomers. So while diverse Christians from all over the world are persecuted for their faith—in the U.S., Christians are a dominant religion full of old white people. This places Christians at the bottom of progressives' absurd intersectional totem poll, therefore leaving little sympathy for their cause. However, the differing experiences of Christians worldwide doesn't take away from the fact that they are unified in their beliefs.

By refusing to name the faith of the Sri Lankan martyrs, politicians are sending a message that they have very little, if no, concern about the growing amount of persecution against Christians worldwide.

Martyrs don't deserve to be known as "Easter worshippers." They should be known by the Christian faith they gave their lives for. Decent politicians need to call the tragedy in Sri Lanka what it is — a vicious attack on the Christian faith.

Patrick Hauf (@PatrickHauf) is a writer for Young Voices and Vice President of Lone Conservative. His work can be found in the Washington Examiner, Townhall, FEE, and more.