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GLENN: Kilograms. And so one kilogram is about a gallon. So it's about a four gallon tank. $2 a gallon, or $2 a kilogram. And it's water. So -- I'm just waiting. I'm just waiting. Once we get hydrogen, I can't wait to hear, "We're using too much water." You know it's coming! Someday these boobs who are currently saying, why don't we put a man embryo into a cow embryo, let's just see what happens, you know at some point when there's, you know, half man, half cow testifying that he's the real person and he should get healthcare and all these faulty humans shouldn't get healthcare, you know.
By the way, Stu -- sorry.
STU: Yes, Mr. ADD?
GLENN: I really need my medication.
STU: Yeah, you do. You should be on it. You should get it by drip during the program.
GLENN: Should I? Did you hear about the case over in Europe? The monkey case?
STU: I mean, that narrows it down a little but I still don't know what you're talking about.
GLENN: Oh, come on! You'd know it. If you don't know it by the monkey case, you don't know it.
STU: Okay. Inform me about the monkey case.
GLENN: This is the monkey case. This is a woman who is suing because there is, like, Eddie the monkey -- I'm a little loose on the facts here. I was working on energy last night. Eddie the monkey was in a zoo, I think, or some sort of a animal preserve and so then the animal preserve went bankrupt and she wants to take the monkey and so the monkey's living with her but she says -- this is such a sham. She says the state needs to appoint her as a legal guardian to take care of the monkey. Look, lady, take care of the monkey. I don't care what you do. Take care of the monkey. She says, no, no, no, it's got to be all on the up-and-up, it's all got to be legal, I need to be appointed legal guardian. Well, the problem is you can't be a legal guardian unless it's deemed a person. So she's not -- she's not doing this for any other reason other than she needs to be the legal guardian and she's just asking for the monkey to have personhood so she can -- there's no ramifications on this one. So the monkey can be a person because -- I'm not kidding you -- because man kidnapped this monkey, abducted it and then transported it across state lines and country lines and it can no longer fend for itself.
 A good example of a Cow/Human hybrid is Michael More. Buy your 'Michael More is Fat' t-shirt here... |
STU: You know what, you are right. I would have known that by the monkey case.
GLENN: See?
STU: You are right.
GLENN: So she wants Eddie the monkey to be deemed a person, not a human. Just a person. Well, what do you think that's going to do? That -- once you do that, you cannot go into any forest, you cannot hunt, you cannot do -- nothing. You cannot have a dog because it's a person. Who are you to have your dog as a pet? Your dog has rights. Oh, my gosh. We are entering the twilight zone.
But wait, there's more. Did you meet Steve, the cow-human hybrid? It's great. He never has to order milk. He just sucks it out of his own udder. It's crazy. "Honey, would you go out to the store to get some milk?" "No, just squirting some in a glass right now for you, sweetheart." I had this lady on TV a couple of days ago. I had somebody, you know, that was sane and then at the last minute something came up and so we had to just, do we have -- do we have a hybrid ethicist out there? Believe it or not, our Rolodex actually contained several hybrid ethicists now. So we're looking through and we're like no, no, no, no, no. We're like, okay, we haven't tried this woman. We get this woman in. She comes in. I had no preinterview, I have no idea where she's going and she says -- I said, so aren't we just taking -- are we creating life 99.9% human, .1% cow, aren't we creating life to destroy life? Because we can create it but then the state says, got to be killed within 14 days. So I guess we can't have milk men. But we have to -- so we're creating life to destroy life. And she said, yeah, well, I just think this is going to lead into all kinds of trouble. She said, I think this is going to lead into superiority because you're going to be able to genetically engineer people. She said, this is headed towards Gattaca, this is really bad stuff. And she said all kinds of discrimination is going to happen because you're not a hybrid person; you're just a regular person. She said, I'm really concerned about discrimination. And I said, what did you say, Stu?
STU: Star-bellied Sneetches.
GLENN: Yeah, that's exactly what it is. I was reading last night, I was reading -- somebody get my ADD medicine, please. I was reading last night, I was reading some Dr. Seuss. I'm going to bring in a Dr. Seuss last night that I read to my son. I'm telling you almost every -- I hated Dr. Seuss when I was a kid. Almost everything you need to know is in a Dr. Seuss book. I mean, this -- that stuff's profound. Either that or I was high without smoking anything.
But so she goes on and on and on about how, oh, it's discrimination. And I said, well, yeah, but we're also creating life to kill it. And she said, no, I'm not really worried about that. I'm just worried about the discrimination. "Oh. Okay. I was just kind of thinking about the whole killing human life thing, but discrimination is right up there." But then when you think about it, why not discriminate a little bit? I mean, why not? I mean, can you imagine? Imagine how great. I mean, just think of just -- just think of sports. How great would sports be if we start combining people with animals?
