GLENN: In a story I haven't talked about, but this occurred to me when the story first broke but I'm like, this isn't really a story. Now it is. Now it is. You know the Muslim cartoon thing with Barack Obama on the cover of the New Yorker dressed as a Muslim and his wife as a militant? Okay. It's a political cartoon. I don't think this is a story. It's a stupid political cartoon. If anybody wants to be pissed off about it, it should be the conservatives. Who's saying that he's a Muslim? Who's saying that? Okay, stupid bloggers. If you're so dumb that you're getting all of your news from the e-mails, you're the same people who are buying your Viagra over the Internet as well. I mean, oh, and quick, make sure you fund those Nigerians. What's wrong with you? So I haven't even brought it up, until I heard Obama's response. "This cartoon is an insult to all Muslims." Is it just me? Because that kind of reminds me of something else I heard this man say before -- I've heard this phrase from somebody else before. I'm trying to remember. Hey, Stu, can you remember anybody saying "This political cartoon is an insult to all Muslims?"
STU: Political cartoon?
GLENN: Political cartoon is an insult -- I heard it from somewhere. I didn't expect to hear it from the guy who's possibly going to be the next President of the United States but I know I heard it some place.
STU: See, I think you might be misremembering because what, what person is going to get that fired up about a political cartoon.
GLENN: Right. And be insulted.
STU: To inflame a race or an entire religion?
GLENN: Religion, yeah.
STU: I mean, that's not --
GLENN: That's crazy talk. That's got to be something I just made up in my -- ahh. Is nobody noticing the next possible President of the United States said a political cartoon is an insult to all Muslims.
STU: You don't think they'll react? You don't think there's a possibility --
GLENN: I don't know. I just, some days I just want to take the sleeping pills and just go sleepy sleep. You know, some days don't you just go, I can't believe it.
STU: What could possibly happen, though, if a political cartoon inflames all Muslims in the Middle East?
STU: There's nothing that could --
STU: What's the worst --
GLENN: What's the worst.
STU: -- that could happen other than what we've seen happen last time it happened?
GLENN: I don't know.
STU: What could possibly go on?
GLENN: That's crazy. You have to laugh. You have to laugh or you turn into me and you go insane.
STU: What happened? Aren't all the good comedians from the left? What happened to these people's sense of humor. It's an insult to the right. That is a cartoon that is insulting us evil conservatives because as you know, Glenn, we're constantly calling Barack Obama a terrorist.
GLENN: He's a Muslim terrorist, you know.
STU: But it's like, why can't you relax and just -- it's a stupid cartoon in a magazine. Did you even know it existed anywhere?
GLENN: I'm not having this conversation anymore about a political cartoon. I was screaming at Fox News this morning driving in, screaming at Fox News. I'm listening to it and I'm like, you're on Day 3 of this story? It's not a story! It's an ad campaign for the New Yorker! Since when did anyone put any stock into cartoons from the New Yorker! Isn't it the New Yorker that we've all been looking at for years and years and going, I don't get it; I don't even know what that means. Isn't that the magazine?
STU: Yeah, it's actually so cliched that their cartoons are boring and not understandable that it's actually the joke.
GLENN: It's the joke. It is the reason why in Fusion magazine we have quarter -- charter quarterly. It's the political cartoon that we do in Fusion magazine and it's for the -- it's the cartoon for the wealthiest 1%. I don't even understand that cartoon. You're not supposed to understand that cartoon. It's a parody of the cartoons in the New Yorker! I mean, we have the next possible President of the United States: "That cartoon, that political cartoon is an insult to all Muslims." Oh, my gosh.
And then, and then his wife was talking about the stimulus package. I love this. She's talking about the stimulus package and she's talking to some women's group. She says, let's just be honest. I mean, they sent us all the check for $600. No, they didn't. They didn't send us all a check for $600. I didn't -- did they send you one, Michelle? They better not have sent you one because you don't qualify. You actually pay taxes. I think to qualify to get the check, you have to not pay taxes. You're -- if you don't pay taxes, you're guaranteed to get a rebate, which I don't understand because maybe you didn't put anything, so how can you get a rebate. But that's a different story. If you are making six figures, you better not have gotten a check for $600. And so she's saying let's be honest, let's be honest. I mean, $600. So what, you go out and buy a pair of earrings? What? So you go out and buy a pair of earrings?
Stu, does your wife own a pair of $600 earrings?
GLENN: My wife does not own a pair of $600 -- my wife would say, $600 earrings, what, are you crazy? $600 earrings? I'll buy the fake ones; nobody will know. $600 -- who's spending -- and they wonder, why am I an elitist? Why do people say I'm an elitist?
STU: I was thinking about that over arugula the other night. Every woman I've ever known, though, has always said earrings. I'm not going to spend that much on earrings. Like I -- you know, everyone likes to have a -- they have that luxury item that they target.
GLENN: Whatever it is. It could be like women -- you could be more relatable if you said a purse to a woman.
STU: It would be relatable to me if you said that.
GLENN: Yeah, but I don't think -- my wife, are you kidding me? Anything nice that my wife has in a purse or something like that, I'll buy for her because she'll go and she'll go, that's really nice but, oh, my gosh, that's crazy for a purse. And so I'll go on her birthday or something and I'll go buy that then because she won't buy it. Who buys $600 earrings? No, I'm saying, look, if you want to get your wife something for your anniversary or for her birthday, I can see you going out and buying $600 earrings. You know, you buy her some nice stuff. But who takes their stimulus check and goes, I don't know what I want to waste this on, maybe $600 earrings? Why do they think -- Barack, put down your smoking jacket for a second. "Why is it they think we're elitists? I don't understand it. I don't know, I'm too pissed off about this editorial cartoon and my favorite magazine, the New Yorker." My gosh, who are these people? Just... okay.
Let's debunk a couple of other things and cut through the bullcrap. I don't speak political talk, but I do speak enough bullcrap. I was raised speaking bullcrap and until my 30s it was the only language that I spoke. So I think I may be able to cut through some of the political speak because really political speak is just a dialect of bullcrap. So let's go into the oil thing.
Barack Obama would like a $300 stimulus check to help people on oil. I don't know, what are you going to do? Only buy one earring? No. Were you crazy? Sure, we gave $600 stimulus checks out for people who wanted to just buy earrings, but are you implying that you don't care about those Americans with only one ear? How about the one-eared Americans that lost their ear in... some... the Great Ear War?
STU: The Great Lobe War of 1814?
GLENN: That was bad.
STU: Or the War over the Inner Ear Canal.
GLENN: It's open and we gave it to China now. I don't know that but, whew.
STU: Tough battle.
GLENN: You don't really care about those people that only have one ear? What about those people who were just born with one ear, that can only listen to AM radio? Sucks to be them. They deserve an earring.