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GLENN: Just letting you breathe for a while. Don't want to use all the oxygen, don't want to use all the -- shhh, quiet for a second. I'm confused because I don't want to talk because then I've used my energy. That will mean I'll have to eat more. And the more I eat, then the worse it is for the planet. You know that and I know that. But then again this bed that we were just playing without me talking, I wasn't able to deliver my message. And by not being able to deliver my message, then I am just wasting energy. I just don't know what to do.
Stu, first of all, I just saw this in the lobby. It is Energy Conservation Day except it's through the summer month. So it's not Energy Conservation Day. It's Energy Conservation Day every day at Radio City.
STU: Well, if they did energy conservation summer, that would cost extra ink because summer's longer than day.
GLENN: You're right. When you're right, you're right. And you're right. So it's Energy Conservation Day here at Radio City and throughout -- this is what the poster says. I've got a copy of it. In fact, do we have this posted on the website yet? Did we send this to the website? We have to do this because you should print this out for your office as well. "Throughout the summer months Energy Conservation Days will be implemented buildingwide in order to reduce the amount of power used and help minimize the strain on power lines citywide." Well, sounds like maybe we should have bigger power lines. Doesn't that -- maybe that would be -- "Please join the building in Radio City in helping reduce power usage by following some of the power-reducing ideas. Turn off office lights when possible." Hang on just a second. Let me just turn off my -- I'm just turning off my office lights. Ooh, it's kind of a cool mood in here. Of course, now the Insiders can't see me. Turn off your office lights, Stu.
STU: You think I should as well?
GLENN: You should turn off your office lights. I'm helping Radio City reduce the stress on power lines.
STU: Oh, wait. Hold on, the dimmer's still on.
GLENN: Yeah, you've got to turn the dimmer off. Okay. So we turn off the office lights whenever possible. Turn computer monitors off.
STU: I'm kind of using the computer here. So I can't really --
GLENN: No, it says turn computer monitors off.
DAN: This whole show runs on a giant computer, Glenn. I can't --
GLENN: Pardon me?
DAN: The whole show runs --
GLENN: Well, you can leave yours on. I'll just turn mine off.
STU: Wait a minute, Dan. Actually --
GLENN: So now I won't have -- oh, boy, now it's really getting dark in here. I've got to turn off all my computers.
STU: Real quick, Glenn. The computers run the show, the monitors do not. He doesn't need the monitor on.
GLENN: Good point. Turn your monitor off.
DAN: Hold on. Can I -- there's a lot of buttons on there and I'm not going to know which ones to -- there's a lot of crazy things --
GLENN: No, we're saving energy. I think we're saving energy. I think it's good for us.
DAN: You don't care?
STU: I'm sorry. Does a couple of the sound effects firing at the wrong time, is that more important than the biggest moral cause of our times?
GLENN: Yeah. So please turn the monitors off. Turn office TVs off. Hang on. I've got five in my room. How many do you have in yours?
STU: I have three.
GLENN: Turn off all of the TVs because I want to make sure that we're saving -- you know, this is for an entire Radio City. Okay, I've turned all the TVs off. Boy, it's getting dark in here. It's awfully dark in here. Oh, jeez, I've got a light on my -- on my clock is a light.
STU: Should we unplug the clock?
GLENN: It doesn't say to unplug the clocks.
STU: Okay. If it doesn't say it, then it won't save the planet.
GLENN: Okay. So turn off the office TVs. Keep any additional lighting in office space off whenever possible. Are there any other lights -- that would be the clock. That would mean -- that's an additional light. The clock is lit.
STU: Well, yeah, I know. But we need to know what time it is to do the show.
GLENN: Do we? Do we? It's the largest moral cause in history of man.
STU: That's certainly more important.
GLENN: Do we need the clock?
STU: You know what, you're right. We don't need the clock. I'll get the -- we'll have to get the engineers to come in.
GLENN: They will have to take it off the wall. Just for the month of summer, actually the three months of summer. Actually how long does summer last? It's more than three months, isn't it?
STU: Well, now with global warming it's all year round.
GLENN: During energy conservation days, signage will be displayed throughout the building in order to encourage personnel to make every effort to assist in reducing daily power needs.
Kelly and Sarah, I think the hall lights are still on and those are not fluorescent. Have you noticed that? So -- okay. Now, I have decided, and I'm going to make an executive decision here. I have decided that I think we should go a step further. I think what we should do, Stu, and just tell me if you think I'm wrong on this, but I believe I have been turned around. I believe I've been turned around on the whole global warming thing.
STU: Really? Because you've been, I would describe as skeptical on some parts of it.
GLENN: Really? Skeptical?
STU: Yeah. I would say that you've been -- I would say that you've been out of the scientific consensus.
STU: Which we all respect and adore.
GLENN: Well, I mean, I know I'm out on the consensus thing, but here's the real deal. I believe now -- I listen to Al Gore. I believe that new technology is right around the corner. Not only the discovery of new technology but the discovery and implementation of that new technology.
STU: Full implementation.
GLENN: Full implementation of that new technology. Not only the discovery but the testing, plus the permit process, plus the retooling of every, you know, major industry, plus the full implementation is within 10 years.
STU: And all, you know, running all the new lines.
GLENN: Yeah. Do you remember, for instance, do you remember back in the 1930s we started to say, wow, nuclear energy, that's going to provide everything. And we put all of our resources into it. And boom, like that, we were the entire country was powered on that new nuclear energy.
STU: 100% nuclear.
STU: In fact, what was it, '34?
GLENN: 1934, something like that. Yeah, sure, we could be fully nuclear, and it would be clean and it would be efficient and it would be cheap. Of course, that didn't work out so well because, you know, now people say, ooh, it's bad for the environment. It's kind of like, do you remember back in the 1800s when Rockefeller discovered oil and started, you know, with the whole, you know, the Standard Oil thing. It was just a matter of days before we had cars in every single home. We discovered oil; boom, everybody had a new car in their -- do you remember that? It was like cars. I believe everyone had a car in America back in, like, 1891.
STU: Well, there was that one week that there was like Henry Ford was saying, hey, we need cars.
GLENN: And then the next week we had them.
STU: And then the next week everyone had them.
GLENN: And a good thing that we jumped on the oil thing because we've seen there's no harm that happens to the environment. For instance, scientists -- and I'm not kidding you -- scientists are now saying -- are you ready? Scientists say they found a workable way of reducing CO2 levels in the atmosphere by adding lime to seawater. They think that it has the potential to dramatically reverse CO2 accumulation in the atmosphere. This according to Chemistry and Industry Magazine. Shell is so impressed with the new approach that it's funding an investigation." Oh, I didn't know it was funded by big oil." We think it's a promising idea. There are potentially huge environmental benefits from addressing climate change. By adding calcium hydroxide to seawater, it will also mitigate the effects of ocean acidification. You know that?
STU: That was really smooth.
GLENN: It could have a positive effect on marine environment.
So all they have to do is just dump a bunch of lime into the ocean. Now, look. This is the biggest moral question. This is -- look. The planet is dying on us. We're running out of time. I don't know what the effects would be of dumping lime into seawater, but scientists think it might save our planet. We should just do it.
STU: Now, when you say "Think" and "Might," you mean "Know" and "Will," correct?
GLENN: Yes. Well, there's a consensus on that. So I think we should just do it because we're running out of time. And here's where I come in. I have decided that from hereon out, every radio station, every radio station should shut the transmitters off, okay? Now, we've done our part. We've shut off the monitors, we've shut off the television screens. I can't tell you what the price of oil is because I don't have a TV screen on. I can barely find, you know, any kind of copy or pencils or anything in here because it's very, very dark but it's good for the planet. So I've done my part and I'm going to continue to do my part by preaching the glories of going green and how great it's going to be. I want radio stations to do their part. I want radio stations to go into the transmitter room and shut the transmitter off.
Now, stations, just so you know, if you carry this program, you should stay on the air because we're delivering an important message about the environment. We're leading the way on the environment. So if you're carrying this show, you should remain on the air. But every other station that doesn't carry this show -- let me ask you this question: Do you deny the Holocaust as well? Do you want to leave a dead planet for your children? Why is it that you hate -- let me ask you this, all of the radio stations that don't carry this show. How much money have you accepted from big oil? These are the questions that we will be looking into on all of the stations that don't carry this show, now environmentally friendly and leading the way into a better, cleaner planet for our children.
Dan, did you work on any of the sweepers for me? Can you just give me -- do you have a couple of things? Can you just -- let me hear them before we air them.
GLENN: No, see, hang on just a second. Hang on. I don't think that one works, Dan. That one doesn't really work because it doesn't say that we're using all of that equipment for a green message.
Stu, are you going to play the, on the F block today you should write something for television but do it without your computer monitor.
STU: Well, I don't know if that will -- if you'll be able to accomplish.
GLENN: I'm sure it will be fine. And then don't print it because that's bad for trees. And ink is so bad for the environment.
STU: How are you going -- there might be misspellings.
GLENN: I don't know. New technology. We'll just use the new technology.
STU: I don't have the new technology yet.
GLENN: No, you just write it and by this afternoon when we do the TV show, we'll have the new technology. Look, do me a favor. Open up the window. Come on. Go over to the window. Go over to the window and open it up, please. There's a good thing, you had the blinds down because we're trying to -- I would like to turn off all the air conditioning in the building. I don't know why we let this sunlight in here. We should start building buildings without any windows because it's the windows that make everything so hot.
All right. You opening the window?
STU: Yeah. Got some monitors in the way, and a printer.
GLENN: Well, move them, please. Open Dan's window. I may have had those sealed shut. I may have had --
STU: I can only get it a little bit. Does it need to be all the way?
GLENN: No, it has to be open, open. Open up Dan's window. Dan, do you have another sweeper while he's trying to open up the window?
GLENN: Yes. This one works. This one we can use. This one we can use. Okay. Again radio stations, if you haven't shut your transmitter off, my question is why. Why? Not -- by the way, not the stations that are carrying this program. Okay, you got the big window open now, you got the studio window open, right? Now go ahead and open the other window, please. Open the outer window. We have two windows here for sound and for green purposes I'm sure. Do you have it open? Do you have it open? You're on. Are you there?
STU: What's that now?
GLENN: Do you have it open?
STU: Well, yes.
GLENN: Now I want you to take your printer.
GLENN: Unplug it and throw it out the window.
STU: Why would I --
GLENN: There's no street on the side.
STU: No, I know.
GLENN: We're on top of Radio City roof. It would hit the roof of Radio City. It's okay. Take your printer and throw it out the window.
STU: We just got it like a week ago.
GLENN: I understand that but it's old technology and we don't need it. Take the printer -- no, wait, I tell you what. No, it doesn't have a ribbon. Does it have a ribbon?
STU: A ribbon?
GLENN: No, it's just an ink jet.
STU: It's an ink cartridge.
GLENN: Shoot. I wish we had the ribbon -- remember those? Before you threw it out the window and you could take the ribbon, reuse it, it's recycle, reuse and --
GLENN: Whatever. And we could have taken that ribbon and used it for Christmas. We could use it as, like, a ribbon around packages for Christmas or birthdays.
STU: You mean like a ribbon, decorative ribbon?
GLENN: A decorative ribbon.
STU: You want to take an ink ribbon?
GLENN: As environmentally friendly -- you know what, Stu? Also I read this from the paper. I think this is from the Philadelphia Inquirer. This is a great idea. Do you have any VHS tapes at home or did you get rid of them all?
STU: No, I have some at home.
GLENN: You have them? If you don't -- this is my free gift to you. If you don't, go to the Goodwill and get some VHS tapes and then use the VHS tape. Pull it out of the machine. I saw this in the Philadelphia Inquirer. It's fantastic. You pull that VHS tape out and then you use that as ribbon. That way you don't have to buy any ribbon.
STU: As ribbon for --
GLENN: Sure. I wouldn't even use tape anymore. You can just use the black VHS tape and tie up your packages. Like, you know, you're given a big deal of meat to somebody.
STU: Why would --
GLENN: But you wouldn't because meat is very environmentally unfriendly. So don't give meat. I want to make sure, very -- because this is an environmentally sound program, I want to make sure -- hey, write that down, environmentally sound. That's all we do. We're a sound business. Environmentally sound.
STU: You want me to write it -- I can't print it, though?
GLENN: No, don't print it. Well, you can type it into your computer and then just use the new technology. Don't worry about it, the new technology will kick in and we'll just use the new technology. I'm sure it's right around the corner. Just type it in, please. Stu, all I'm asking you to do is just a couple of things. I want you to type, I want you to type up, you know, a script for the end of the show today where we're using, where we're showing the video of Al Gore who, by the way, what a miraculous man he is. Just show the video of him pulling up to the place where it said on the ticket where he's giving a speech, please ride a bicycle.
GLENN: Please ride a bicycle to this. Have you seen this video?
STU: Yeah, to the event, yeah.
GLENN: Yeah, to the event. It said on the event, please ride a bicycle or take public transportation. And his SUV and his two Town Cars that he drove up in didn't appear to be a bike but I'm sure they were.
STU: Well, it had pedals.
GLENN: No, it's like Fred Flintstone. It's just reusing Town Cars. That's all it is. They have taken the floorboards out so you can use it with your feet. But they have to reuse it. You wouldn't just want to throw that car away. So one of them --
STU: Unless you were throwing it away into the ocean where plankton could grow.
GLENN: That's a good idea. Throw -- you know what? I'm going to recommend that we throw all Lincoln Town Cars into the ocean because they have batteries and there's something with the ocean and acidity that I think a battery might be able to take care of.
Anyway, so what he did is he let his run for the air conditioning for 20 minutes while he gave the speech.
STU: His car --
GLENN: His car was running, but he didn't take a bike or a bus.
STU: He wasn't in the car and it wasn't transportation and it wasn't -- was it --
STU: The air conditioning, that's on solar power or --
GLENN: No, no, no, it was on -- but that's because of the new technology is going to be here this afternoon. Or, you know, within 10 years he will have it. But he's way ahead. Anyway, don't think about it too much. Just do me a favor and throw your printer out the window.