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Glenn: Stu, what are those? Those are the best thing ever.
Stu: They are the best thing ever, Glenn. Exactly. They are Blue Diamond natural oven roasted almonds, vanilla flavor.
Glenn: But I would have a problem. I would eat the whole thing. I am decided I am really, really close to giving up soda.
Stu: That's silly. Soda is delicious. Enjoy it.
Glenn: I met with my doctor yesterday, two days ago, and, you know, he put my arm in a sling and he was, like, you broke your elbow sac or whatever it was. I'm like, what will hell is that?
Stu: That doesn't exist.
Glenn: That's what I said. You're making that up. You're not actually a doctor. And he's, like, no. I've got these thingies I put in my ears. And I said, I don't think you can hear my heartbeat in my elbow. He said, Shhh. I'm listening. But, anyway, but I talked to him. I said, you know, I've got to get healthy and I've got to, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I said, I've got a really bad fall coming up with the election and everything else that's going on and he said, Well, what's your schedule? And I told him. And he said, Hum. That sounds like suicide. And I said, No, no, no. That's why you're being involved now. How do I not die? And he said, Hum. I don't know if I can help you on that one but then he gave me a bunch of stuff to do and he said, you know, you've got to give up soda and everything else.
Stu: Oh, stop it.
Glenn: No. My wife has been trying to get me to give up soda for awhile.
Stu: It's silly.
Glenn: I hate water so much.
Stu: You drink diet soda, by the way. We should point that out. I don't know if your doctor knew that or not.
Glenn: Your body processes diet soda after awhile the same way.
Stu: Why are we it's a typical, like, thing that health magazines do and Sarah is looking at me because she always complains about this to me and I understand she's way more healthy than I am.
Glenn: Did you see how fat she's getting? She hasn't gained an ounce anywhere like except in her stomach region.
Stu: Like in the last eight, nine months.
Glenn: It's this weird I think she has a tumor, a stomach tumor or something.
Glenn: Yeah. It's like she's got a watermelon in her stomach. I'm afraid of her.
Stu: Don't say it too loud. He's right there.
Glenn: I'll tell you something. If cantaloupes stop shooting out of her, remember, you heard it here first. Have a camera nearby because that would be cool.
Stu: I don't want to have that conversation. Nor do I want the video.
Glenn: We can sell the video.
Stu: That's possible. It would be a scientific
Glenn: Sarah with cantaloupes shooting out of her. It would be fantastic. Did you see the movie Chameleon? She could be on the phone and tell me with Sarah this could happen. She could be on the phone and all of the sudden her belly could rip open and then it comes and eats us. I saw it. They scamper through the air vents and stuff. Anyway, what were we talking about?
Stu: We were talking about soda.
Stu: And the fact that health magazines like to blame weight gain on soda.
Glenn: I wasn't blaming it on it.
Stu: It's 0 calories and also the fact that people that are fat and like to drink are the ones that drink the diet soda. So, of course they drink more. That's why they need diet sodas because they've been eating more all of their lives. I know. I'm one of them.
Glenn: That's true. I'll give you that. I look at it as 150 calories saved. There you go. This argument always pisses me off, the main ingredient in soda, water. It's mainly water.
Stu: I thought of you this your big point on this, there is a huge new development on this.
Glenn: Well, let me give you my viewpoint. What kind of I'm tired of seeing the PBS specials, the amazing machine, the human body, the amazing machine. It's so amazing, they keep telling me to drink more lousy water. I hate water. They're telling me to drink more water. Coke is mainly water. My body can't sort it out? What kind of filtering system is this?
I'm sorry. Go ahead, Stu.
Stu: Are you ready for it? There's two new fronts on this. First of all, there is a new study released that the water thing is bull crap, they've been telling you for years in all these magazines and there is no discernible difference between the people that drink 8 glasses of water a day and those that don't.
Stu: That is bull crap. I will get the story for you momentarily.
Glenn: Am I the only one that hates water?
Stu: I like it after you exercise and stuff like that.
Glenn: I like it, like, in the middle of the night where when you wake up and you're, like, I've got to have water. Have you ever had that.
Glenn: Where I just there's a couple of times a month, I'll wake up in the middle of the night (indicating.) I don't think I have an ounce of water in me and you crawl to the kitchen to get a drink of water and you can, like, feel your eyes get bigger.
Stu: Are you keeping a canteen next to your bed?
Glenn: I do. That's the only time I like water. It's so boring. It doesn't taste like anything. I hate it. Here's the thing. If I ever become President or God, like Obama, I'm going to make water taste good. I mean, look. Toothpaste?
Stu: Uh huh.
Glenn: It's got fluoride in it. So does water. Well, how about we make water taste minty? We can do it to toothpaste. We can't make it, like, minty fresh water? It would be great.
Stu: Do you think Barack Obama could
Glenn: Chocolate chip water. Oh, yeah.
Stu: I think Barack Obama could make chocolate chip water.
Glenn: Doughnut flavored water.
Stu: They do have a lot of the flavored waters now, Glenn.
Glenn: Yeah. They suck.
Stu: Can Barack Obama part a bottle of water? He can part the sea, we know.
Glenn: Only well, first of all, he wouldn't because Fiji water is brought from an island on a giant 747 and that's not very environmentally sound, but he can do it with Perrier.
Glenn: Yeah. It's French.
Stu: It's interesting. Now, Glenn, the other development in this little turn of events
Stu: that's completely off topic and all we've got here is I was in a grocery store the other day and I'm going through the soda aisle, which I spend most of my time in the soda aisle, and there is a big, giant case of soda, a big display that has as one of its advertising slogans on the back Soda Hydrates, Too, and it's a big thing about how don't believe it, soda can give you just as much hydration as water.
Glenn: Well, that would be coming from a bigot like you. So
Stu: It comes from big soda.
Glenn: No. It comes from a bigot like you, somebody who is just so bigoted who thinks I can vote for Barack Obama but that means I'm not a racist.
Here is the latest, Barack Obama the campaign is already starting to come out now that if you vote for Barack Obama, it doesn't mean you're not a racist. So, you could vote for him, you could support him, he could be the most powerful man in the world, but it doesn't mean anything about you being a racist. You're still a racist, honky.