Glenn will have to sharpen his skills to take on Ludacris in THE rap battle of 2008.
GLENN: Sure. Here we go. A little love, please. Ludacris in support for Barack Obama. Here it is. I am back on it like I just signed my record deal. Yeah, the best is here. The Bentley coupe paint is dripping wet. It got sex appeal.
Could you stop the music for just a second? Stu, is any of this supposed to rhyme or anything?
STU: You'll hear when the wordsmith Ludacris does kick in here. You'll understand that it does rhyme. See, you're not understanding --
GLENN: The best is here, the Bentley coupe paint is dripping wet. It got sex appeal.
STU: "Appeal" and "Here" are rhymes in this context.
GLENN: They both have Es in it. Go ahead.
You never should have doubted him with a slot in the President's iPod. Obama shattered em. That one rhymes. I said -- no, sorry. Said I handled his biz, and I'm one of his favorite rappers. Well, give Luda a special pardon if I'm ever in the slammer.
Can you stop the music again? Stu, it's still not rhyming.
STU: No. He's making an important point.
GLENN: Said I handled his biz and I'm one of his favorite rappers. See, that doesn't work. Well, give Luda a special pardon if I'm ever in the slammer.
STU: As you know, Glenn, both rapper and hammer both end in er. So there you go. That's what you got.
GLENN: It doesn't make -- Hillary hated on you -- hang on just a second. One word. Stop. Who is he addressing here? Is he addressing the African-American community? Who is Hillary hating on?
STU: Obama, right? Hillary hated on Obama, Glenn. As you remember the coverage, you remember Brian Williams coming out in that one newscast and saying tonight, Hillary hating on Obama.
GLENN: Yeah, but I don't think it -- because the line before.
GLENN: Better yet, put him in office; make me your vice president. Put him in office. So when he's saying there put him in office, better yet, put him in office, he's speaking to a community of some sort. I believe he's speaking to the citizens of the world quite frankly.
GLENN: But then he said Hillary hated on you. So --
STU: I don't -- you know, there may be a continuity problem here.
GLENN: I didn't -- you know, I'm a self-educated guy. I didn't go to college. So I don't know all the ins and outs of this kind of work.
STU: But it's important to see you learning. That's what it's all about. It's all about diversity.
GLENN: Better yet, put him in office. Make me your vice president. Hillary hated on you.
Oh, now, here's a -- this is unfair -- so that bitch is irrelevant. It's not very nice. Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what? If you said it, then you meant it. How you want it, have a gut -- can we stop for a second? I don't understand. If you said it, then you meant it. How you want it, have a gut.
STU: Okay, I believe what he's trying to do there is if you said it, then you meant it how you want it. If you said it the way you wanted it to come out.
GLENN: See, there's no punctuation.
STU: Yeah, the punctuation is a problem.
GLENN: If you said it, then you meant it how you want it.
STU: It's just like it doesn't seem the rap community has embraced the semicolon. In a way that would really be helpful to us.
GLENN: See, I think we've -- may I? I think we've lost kind of the rhythm of this. May I start again? Please start at the beginning.
STU: You think you --
GLENN: I have, I think we've lost some of the magic.
STU: It just feels like you're freestyling. Doesn't seem like you're reading it.
GLENN: Well, that's just the way I roll. But let's start from the beginning. Let's do this on -- (clearing throat). And now a dramatic reading with inspirational words by Ludacris. I am back on it like I just signed my record deal. Yeah. The best is here. The Bentley coupe paint is dripping wet. It got sex appeal. Never should have hated. You never should have doubted him. With a slot in the President's iPod, Obama shattered em. Said I handled his biz, and I'm one of his favorite rappers. Well, give Luda a special pardon if I'm ever in the slammer. Better yet, put him in office. Make me your vice president. Hillary hated on you. So that bitch is irrelevant. Jesse, Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what? If you said it, then you meant it how you want it. Have a gut. And all you other politicians trying to hate on my man, watch us win a majority vote in every state on my man. You can't stop what's bout to happen. We bout to make history. The first black President is destined, and it was meant to be. The threats ain't fazing us. The nooses or the jokes.
Hold on just a second. I hate to -- no, I hate to -- no, I hate to wreck the mood here, but --
STU: You had such rhythm.
GLENN: The nooses and the jokes, the hate and the threats ain't fazing us? I mean, are there -- maybe I've missed the headlines of the nooses against Obama because that seems like it would be a pretty big story.
STU: Well, I mean, I'm sure they're out there. There was that one, there was that one story like a teacher.
GLENN: At Columbia University like a year and a half ago or a year ago?
STU: May have been a while ago.
GLENN: May have been a while ago and completely unrelated. You know what, here I'm looking down in Rockefeller Plaza and I see a bunch of trees in there. I don't see any nooses. Is it possible that -- I mean, because the people who would hang nooses from a tree, they are dumb as a box of rocks.
GLENN: Is it possible they put the nooses up and then when they got back down on the ground and they were, you know, already folding up the ladder, they were like, oh, crap, he can't even see them because of the leaves. And then somebody next to him was like, oh, just, you know what? I've already put the ladder away; just wait until fall, then you'll see them. Is it possible that that's what's happening here? Because I --
STU: It's possible. You know, with all this global warming, will they even -- will there be a fall?
GLENN: I don't know. Maybe the whole tree burst into flames. All right. Go ahead. I'm sorry.
GLENN: So get off your ass, black people. It's time to get out and vote. Paint the White House black and I'm sure that's got em terrified. McCain don't belong in any chair unless he's paralyzed. Yeah, I said it because Bush is mentally handicapped -- again this doesn't really work -- ball up all of his speeches and I throw them like candy wrap. 'Cause you talking, I hear nothing even relevant. And you, the worst of all 43 Presidents, get out and vote or the end will be near. The world is ready for change because Obama is here. 'Cause Obama is here.
I think that is -- (applause). I mean, that's why I have all of his CDs and I love them, every single one, and I love every cut. They're all very different. They're inspiring. You know, I like when he says a presidential candidate should be in a chair because he's paralyzed. I think that's good. I think a guy who says, "Yeah, I said it because Bush is mentally handicapped," I think that -- I think it means a lot coming from a guy who says you can't stop what's bout to happen, we bout to make history. I -- me personally, I think it carries so much more weight when you say that and then you talk about somebody else being stupid.
STU: Yeah. You know, it would be silly coming from someone else.
GLENN: It would.
STU: You know what I mean? If it wasn't from such a credible source.
GLENN: May I? It would almost be ludicrous.
[ APPLAUSE ]
STU: You're a magician. Do you want to hear the original to see how he matched up?
GLENN: I think they're going to be -- can we A/B them? Go ahead. Play a little ludicrous.
GLENN: See, I didn't do this part. I didn't do that. Didn't do that. Or that. I didn't do that, either.
Stop for a second. Let me just get a -- please, let me just see if I can get this right. Go ahead, Dan. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Luda -- all right, now I got it. Go back.
GLENN: May I just stop for a second? Because this takes talent. Sometimes you'll hear, and this takes talent. To be able -- he doesn't write this himself, too?
STU: There's got to be a team of writers.
GLENN: I mean, because he's such a performer. And then to say he performs and he writes. Does he write the -- I mean, he may -- maybe, I doubt it, but he may write the lyrics but does he -- but does he write the melody as well?
STU: That's just not humanly possible, Glenn.
GLENN: Continue on. I'm more amazed by this man every second that goes by.
GLENN: Stop, stop. See, like who has written the, bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp (making rapping noises). I don't know how you would do that. I couldn't just, you know, just -- it's not like you would be on a train or, you know, some place and you're just like, bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp, bomp... without somebody saying, good God, man, where I that down! You'd say, that's not really a song. "No, that, what you just did." "You mean the bomp bomp, bomp bomp bomp, bomp bomp." That's all I got. I know! Write it down and then just put "Repeat." That's good stuff.
STU: Imagine if he made it in a minor key.
GLENN: I think it would take on a different stone. It would take on a almost melancholy tone and you would think, is he sad? This is pure joy. Listen, this is joy.
GLENN: Stop just a second. I didn't -- could you play that little part again, please? Because I missed the little trick that he did. Okay, stop. I've got to do that really good.
Better yet, put him in office. Make me your vice president. Hillary hated on you so that... is irrelevant. See, that is -- that's why I do what I do and Ludacris does what he does.
STU: Keep your day job, Glenn, because that is -- no one else could have come up with that.
GLENN: I just ask America a question? You tell me there's no opportunity in America, you're telling me that you just can't make it and, oh, jobs are hard to find. This dope has a Bentley. I mean, you tell me there's no opportunity in America? This dope has a Bentley. I'm sorry. Was I hating? 'Cause I hate when that about to happen -- I'm sorry. I hate when... bout to happen. I have to remember to lose, like, every third word because that's just the way I roll.