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GLENN: A little mariachi music, please.
(Mariachi music playing).
GLENN: Oh, now I'm back in the mood. Ah. How do you say this guy's name? Jose? Jose Ernesto. What?
STU: Medalin', medallion.
GLENN: Jose Ernesto medalin'? I kind of like the fact that I keep getting his name wrong. Medellin? Medellin! He's been executed. I'll pause for a minute if you have to pull over and wipe a tear from your eye. Supreme Court of Texas turned down their last ditch appeal. And as you can tell, we're all broken up about it here. We feel really, really super, super bad that somebody comes into our country illegally and kills a couple of American teenagers, rapes them brutally and then we put them to death. Kind of makes me want to quote Davy Crockett today, when he was standing in he was standing in congress and he was a little pissed off. He looked at all of the people in congress and he said, you know what? You can all go to hell; I'm going to Texas.
By the way, just some fun facts for you here. It's from the LA Times. 40% of all LA County workers, 40%. Remember Los Angeles County has 10.2 million people. 40% of all the workers in LA County are working for cash and not paying taxes. Sounds to me like somebody's not paying their fair share. How do you, how do you hold LA County together when 40% of the people are not paying taxes? Oh, that's right, you don't. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens. 75% of the people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens. Over two thirds of all births in Los Angeles county are to illegal alien Mexicans. Do we have any sad what was that sad mariachi music? Yeah, it's from the LA Times. Stu's just asking me, do you have the yeah, LA Times.
(Slow mariachi music playing).
GLENN: See, this is kind of like, oh. Nearly 35% of all inmates in California detention centers are Mexican nationals here illegally. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages. Isn't this the same song we just played?
DAN: Believe it or not, no.
GLENN: Go back to the other song that we just played. I think it's exactly the same song. I think we're being ripped off by mariachi bands. I think they only know one song. This is the same song. Did you switch songs or is this
DAN: This is La, La Marina Demacopoulos.
GLENN: Oh, I wonder if it's about Sophia Coppola when she wrecked her dad's last movie.
DAN: The other one was Silverio.
GLENN: Play the other one. This is the happy one. Now play the sad one. You did change them. I can't believe that.
DAN: Yeah.
GLENN: Wow. Sound exactly alike except this part. You're like, oh, I wonder what's going to happen. Oh, Marie's gone? Where is the love of my life, Maria. Oh, who cares. Look who's just come in. Oh, yes. Look how lovely she appears on the terrace, the white linen curtains billowing in, and I can see the silhouette of her body through the sheer white dress that she's wearing. Yes, it's Margarita. Ya ya ya.
The FBI reports that half of all gang members and if you are in Philadelphia, sorry to confuse you, that's the same as a loose group. Half of all gang members in Los Angeles are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal. Let me say that one again. Your federal dollars at work. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal. 21 radio stations in Los Angeles are now all Spanish speaking. In LA County, 5.1 million people speak English. Listen to this. LA County, 5.1 million speak English. 3.9 speak Spanish. Wait a minute. There's 10.2 million people in the county. Hmmm. I wonder what the rest of them speak. I'm sure that no one of this is anything to worry about. I'm sure because you know what happens? Can you imagine all the, you know, illegal aliens come here and, you know, they just whatever. Life is going to be living at a Chi Chi's. No, it will be. We'll have great food. Nobody will be able to understand what you're asking for, and you'll hear this music all the time. Yi yi yi. I mean, who doesn't want that. Can anybody tell I'm in a mood today? 888 727 BECK, it's 888 727 BECK.
(Break)
GLENN: Otherwise known as El Diablo. A little mariachi music. We executed a dirtbag in Texas last night. Normally I'm not real happy about executions. This one, I don't know. I really tried to get CNN to hire a mariachi band for tonight's broadcast. For some reason they won't open up the purse strings. Stu, could you do me a favor? Can you find out how much a mariachi band there's got to be a ton of them here in New York. Somebody's going to want exposure or something. How much a mariachi band cost, I just might hire one just accidentally kind of, whoops, walks into the studio in the middle of the show.
STU: I think we can look into that.
GLENN: Oh, jeez. Is this going to be another pitchfork thing? We don't have to mail them.
STU: I don't think we should mail mariachi band members. I don't think that's a good idea at all, but I think
GLENN: There's something else somebody what is something else somebody mailed in and the mail room was also pissed at me. It wasn't pitchforks, the torch oh, somebody mailed in tar and feathers.
GLENN: I don't think it really wasn't a good idea. The tar was leaking by the time it got to the mail room. They called down: Are you asking for tar and feathers now? "Glenn's not here. Please leave a message. Beep." We know that's you. "Don't know what you're talking about. If you'd like to speak to somebody in Latin, press 1."
STU: If I habla Inglés, I wouldn't be playing mariachi music.
GLENN: Inglés sounds good, doesn't it? Habla Inglés? Doesn't that sound good? Could you pour some Inglés sauce on that? I'd like to have let me see. I get a box of your mini Inglés, please, like one of those.