GLENN: I don't know. I don't know. But they are all out in green shirts and these green volunteers and these guys with the fanny packs and the green shirts without the ink on the fanny packs or, you know, no ink on the organic cotton baseball caps, too. They are all they're going through the trash can. You'll see them at the Democratic convention and you might say, how do you spot the loser. And you'll say, oh, the loser is the one that thinks they are making a difference by sorting through all of the garbage in case somebody put a spork in the wrong trash bin. So I know I like to go to conventions. Sometimes I don't even need a convention, not one that I'm actually attending. Sometimes I'll just go right here to the convention center in New York City. Sometimes I'll do it. Tania and I were looking for something to do this weekend and I said why don't we just go to the bus station, just go through the garbage cans because that is just such a pleasant experience, and look for sporks in case somebody put a spork and it can be recycled.
Now here's the great thing. They brought these sporks in because they wanted to make sure that the plates and the sporks were all biodegradable, and they make them. So they got them. And it's not like the hat thing. That was really complex. This one, they just shipped all of the eating utensils and everything, they just shipped them in from China. No word how they got here from China. I would imagine one of those big huge tanker ships that just burns carbon dioxide like crazy, just (making ship noise), for miles and miles and days and days. But I'm not sure. All of the sporks for the convention may have been tied to the feet of homing pigeons, little Asian homing pigeons: "Drop this plate off at the DNC in Denver." And the homing pigeon was like, "Well, I'm going to have to take a buddy because I'm going to get tired halfway through." And the buddy said, "Whoa, where would we stop?" And they said, "We can stop on one of those big tankers for a while and rest because they seem to be going the same way." And they said, "Not me, you won't get me on one of those tankers. They hurt the environment." That's why that bird's dead right now. But all of the birds that did decide to hitch a ride on the tanker carrying those little sporks on their feet, they all lived and I think that's fantastic.
By the way, there's no fried food at the convention because that's not healthy. How could you be saying you want universal healthcare but you then have fried food? Hello!
Let me ask you this question: Is it just me or do you feel somewhat the same as I do. Any party that says we're not going to ever let you deep fat fry Snickers bars or elephant ears or anything like that, I pretty much never join you or vote your way. They also would like all of the foods served on those organic plates. They are amazing. Stu, have you heard about these plates? Biodegradable.
GLENN: Plates, and sporks. You get them in China. So they are good for the environment.
STU: Right, because they run their factory cleaner than America.
GLENN: Yeah, and it takes nothing to get them over.
Anyway, so they got these plates. And they said on every plate there must be three colors. There has to be a combination of red, green, yellow, blue, or purple and white. I don't know what white food is.
GLENN: Rice, that's good. Salt, I wonder if salt.
STU: Probably not healthy enough.
GLENN: Probably not. Salt's bad.
STU: Plus you are hurting the ocean. What if you take the salt out of the ocean. Sea salt? My God.
GLENN: 70% of all ingredients should be organic or locally grown to minimize emissions from fuel burned during transportation. And probably you would also want to cut back on some of that fuel that was burned bringing the spork over. They also have greening workshops that have been held by hundreds of caterers, restaurant owners and hotel managers. The mayor of Denver, Mayor Hickenlooper, I just, you go ahead. You don't need me. That one's below my pay grade. You can do that one on your own.
STU: The question of when saliva life is above Obama's pay grade. But this joke
GLENN: Making fun of a guy named Mayor Hickenlooper, that's below my pay grade.
STU: There you go.
GLENN: You go ahead. You finished? All right. So Mayor Hickenlooper says, greening workshops is the new patriotism. Hmmm. Hmmm. Patriotism. Patria, doesn't that mean country? I thought we had stars on our flag, not a big planet.
STU: You know what I always found interesting myself, the old patriotism.
GLENN: That is so old fashioned of you. It's just so
STU: It's the one where you recognize the positive things that your country has done, in a sober way that you also recognize that we're not perfect.
GLENN: Wait a minute. So it's like you are just going up and going, woo hoo, I'm an American, and you got American flag T shirt and you're like, I got a truck and I'll just beat anybody up who says they hate our country. You mean that kind of patriotism?
STU: No, actually. What it is is
GLENN: How about this patriotism, where you are wearing a green shirt and you're like, "I'm green and I got these sporks from China. So I'm better than you. And I'm going to silence everybody who disagrees with me." That kind of patriotism?
STU: I think that's the new kind. I'm talking about the old kind of patriotism.
GLENN: What's the old kind in I don't know the old kind.
STU: It's a sort of weird tradition. I mean, it's antiquated, okay?
STU: But what is it, it's this tradition where you look at America and recognize.
STU: it's the greatest country that's ever
GLENN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, thank you very much, thank you. I would like him to be silenced now. Listen, here's the interesting thing. They've got somebody who's a I'm not kidding you. They have a balloon expert. Now, I'm no balloon expert, but I am a thinker. If somebody came to me, let's say, you know, a person who's running the convention, Howard Dean or whatever clown they have. And they say he says, calls me up (making ringing noises), and I hear (duck noises), oh, boy, it's a clown on the other "Yes, Howard." And he's like, "Indiana and Ohio and Hawaii." And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I get it. You can name all the states. What do you need? "I need you to scour the country. I need you to call people in California and Oregon and New Mexico and Mexico." And you go, no, that's not a state. "Yeah, not yet. And Southern Mexico." Yeah, yeah, what do you need? "I need you, I need you to woo! I need you to find biodegradable balloons." That's when I would respond, "I quit." Okay, I thought I was here for the good of the country. I thought we were doing something, you know? House is on fire. You know, that kind of thing. But this person apparently, because they are part of the new patriotism, you know that part where I wear green shirts, and I've got a spork and I'll kill you if you don't agree that the science is settled," that kind of person, that person said, "Biodegradable balloons, I didn't even think of that. That is fantastic." So they bought a bunch of biodegradable balloons. But the Democrats are not going to just take somebody's word that they are biodegradable. I mean, anybody from ExxonMobil. (Phone ringing). "ExxonMobil." "Yes, do you have biodegradable balloons?" "Sure I do. I'll send you a box for a million dollars in tax money (laughing)." No, no, this he know how that game works at the DNC. So what they did is they had the biodegradable balloon person who ordered the biodegradable balloons try to degrade them. Now, normally you would say you just take out an ink pen and you just, you would write on the balloon, "Intern." And then you just go, "Hey, want to have sex with me in the Oval Office?" And then you'd say, "What, I'm degrading the balloon. What?" But no, no, no, no, no, not in the Democratic party. That balloon wanted to be degraded.
So what they did is the balloon expert took that balloon and then put it on a compost heap. Normally you would think that would be anywhere where they keep the platform or the positions of this party. No, this is an organic compost heap. I think this has actual bullcrap in it.
So they put the balloon there on the pile and then they wait and they watch. Now, here's the interesting part of the story that I found yesterday. The person in charge of the biodegradable balloons said they were continuing to pour liquid on the balloons and still they're not degrading. First of all, that's an awfully fast balloon degrade slope. You know what I mean? Isn't it? You think if a balloon would just go away and just become dirt in, like, a year, I'd be pretty happy. But I'm testing it out? And I'm testing it out by pouring liquid on it. As they pointed out on the TV show last night, I don't think I have ever said, "Whew," after a really hot day mowing the lawn or something, come in and go, "Whew, man, honey, I could use a big glass of, you know, ice cold liquid." I've never said that. What kind of liquid is it? Because if it was water, you would think I would have been pouring water on. Liquid. What kind of liquid would make a balloon degrade? I'm sure, I'm sure that kind of liquid is better than the balloon I'm thinking acid. "I'm pouring some liquid on it. Look at that, just smoking away. That's pretty good." What kind of liquid were we putting on that one? I'd just like to know, just one of those things. But again, I'm not a biodegradable balloon expert. My expertise really is in biodegradable ink, but I'm keeping that one to myself because that way they won't have any hats or fanny packs.