Glenn Beck: Offsetting the Offsets


Glenn's Carbon ONset Program


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VOICE: Citizens of the world, we need your help. We must act now to offset the carbon offsets from the Democratic National Convention, but time is running out. We need to pump over 60 million tons of carbon into the air in just a few short days. If we don't act now, the consequences will be catastrophic. In fact, your kids will die. Well, possibly. Corporate sponsors are needed and more than welcome. Go to GlennBeck.com to help or call 888 727 BECK to make your pledge.

GLENN: Yeah, it's quite a big day on the program today. We're greening well, we're more browning than greening. What are you, a colorist all of a sudden? We're just trying to make a difference in our world. We care about the children, care about the animals, we care about, you know, a nice comfortable 77 degree year round temperature and if there's one thing I know we can do. I mean, we can't solve wars, you know, we can't seemingly come up with anything else but oil to run our cars, but one thing we can do, we all work together and hope, hope to change. We can keep a steady 77 degree temperature year round and I think that's I think it's time. I think it's time that we all step to the plate and say, isn't it time? Yeah, I think it is. We've crossed over 3 million pounds now but our goal is 70 million pounds of carbon. That's what the offsets we're doing in Colorado. We don't know yet if any of those offsets were actually being purchased from Al Gore's company which sells offsets. Wouldn't that be great. But we're trying to onset the offsets from the DNC convention, and I think you can help out. The number's 888 727 BECK. Have you made your pledge of just burning an extra carbon or two this week. It's for the children. Please. Make a difference.

Family cloth stacked on the toilet



Pail beside toilet:


For your nose:



By the way, you know, so many people ridiculed Sheryl Crow and she said, you know, we should all use one piece of toilet paper and that's clearly a joke and we were one of the only shows that was intellectually honest enough to say that doesn't sound right. And when we read it in context, we pointed out that she was joking. However, at the time we also pointed out that some people won't be. Here's the latest from the environmental front now. Reusable toilet paper. It's called The Family Cloth or Family Wipes. They are being urged now as eco friendly replacement for toilet paper. You can find this in Yahoo! Answers and green websites, for the eco friendly alternative to toilet paper. Here's just an excerpt from this. The purpose of the Family Cloth is to reduce the waste created by toilet paper. The environmentally unfriendly aspects of toilet paper happen before it arrives at your home. Trees are destroyed for the necessary pulp and large amounts of chemicals are used to turn the wood pulp into the soft fluffy white tissue we like to use. In addition those darn packages of toilet paper are big and a lot of fuel is burned getting them to your destination. These concerns are causing people to ditch their toilet paper and use a Family Cloth instead.

I would like to talk to somebody, anybody on planet Earth that has ditched toilet paper and is now using Family Cloth. We have about eight million listeners. Out of those if people are let me see. These concerns are causing people to ditch their toilet paper out of eight million people in this country, I would assume one, one is part of that. There has to be somebody who happens to be just changing the station right now and they're like, oh, this guy, I hate wait a minute. He's talking about Family toilet paper, I've done that! Family wipes, you bet. I'm going to call him up. I'd love to talk to you if that's you. The article goes on. Old T shirts are the most popular source for the family cloth pieces. Using them for a family cloth prevents them from becoming yet another piece of landfill. Cotton T shirt material is soft and very absorbent. They also receive high ratings from female users because they don't leave any of the annoying tissue dust after usage.

For those unfamiliar with Family Cloth, the name is somewhat misleading. No one seems to be certain where the term originated but it's not an accurate title. Family members do not share a single cloth for their bathroom wiping needs. Oh, why? How many times do you have to wash this cloth? Can't we just use one piece of cloth, all of us, all day long?

Each family member has their own cloth. Most often they just stack a bunch of clean cloth strips. They are left near the toilet in the bathroom. And then the family cloth is placed in a bucket and every few days those are washed. Hmmm. That's fantastic. I think the Progressives and the environmentalists are leading us into an America that most of us could only have imagined. You know, it's some, like, spooky science fiction book. You can just say no way could we ever be that yeah, yeah, we're on our way. Oh, to the Family Cloth. And by the way, if you're listening right now and you're not thinking that the Family Cloth is a good idea, well, ask yourself why is it you hate the planet so much. What is it about you? What is it about you that you should maybe reevaluate and change? And if you don't change, well, maybe we should send you to a camp. Maybe we should enlist you in the Coming Green Corp where you can serve to make the planet green. You can learn how important it is, where if we all just come together and fight to keep our planet green, the deer will start to talk like Bambi and we'll finally be able to understand Thumper... you're like, yes, you are a bunny and I don't want to kill you, no. That's why I'm using a Family Cloth.

Are we insane? The answer to that, if I were standing at a convention, I would have said it like, "Are we insane?" And then I would have said, "No." And then tried to get you to say "No" back and it would be great because we could all be like stupid zombies chanting something back: "No. Yes, we can! No, we shouldn't!" Oh, I can't... I'm going to go into some of the stuff.

'The Handmaid's Tale' got it right, just with the wrong religion

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

Just in case The Handmaid's Tale's heavy-handed message wasn't already heavy-handed enough, a recent episode made it clear there's always room for further hysteria. Particularly, in relation to depictions of a “patriarchal society" run by Christian doctrine and determined by men — oh those dastardly men.

RELATED: Christian privilege is the new white privilege

The show appropriates Margaret Atwood of the same name, depicting a totalitarian society led by Christian doctrine in which women's bodies are controlled, and they have no rights. The story sounds familiar, but not in the same way Atwood and the show's creators have so smugly assumed.

Just as tone-deaf as 4th wave feminism itself, and tone-deaf in all the exact same places. Most notably, the show's heavy-handed indignation toward Christianity. Toward the patriarchy. Toward conservatives and traditional values. And just like 4th wave feminism, the show completely overlooks the irony at play. Because there is a part of the world where women and children are being raped and mutilated. In fact, in this very real place, the women or girls are often imprisoned, even executed, for being raped, and they are mutilated in unspeakable ways.

Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life.

There is a place, a very real place, where women are forced to cover their entire bodies with giant tarp-like blankets, which is all the more brutal given the endless heat of this place. There is a place where women literally have one-third of the rights of men, a place where women are legally, socially and culturally worth less than men.

They cannot drive cars. They cannot be outside alone. They cannot divorce, they cannot even choose who they marry and often, they are forcibly married at a young age.

They are raped. A lot. Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life. This is the life of tens, perhaps hundreds of millions of women. And, I'll tell you, their religion isn't Christianity.

Science did it again. It only took 270 million years, but this week, scientists finally solved the mystery that has kept the world up at night. We finally know where octopuses come from: outer space. That explains why they look like the aliens in just about every alien movie ever made.

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It turns out octopuses were aliens that evolved on another planet. Scientists haven't determined which one yet, but they've definitely narrowed it down to one of the planets in one of the galaxies. Hundreds of millions of years ago (give or take a hundred), these evolved octopus aliens arrived on Earth in the form of cryopreserved eggs. Now, this part is just speculation, but it's possible their alien planet was on the verge of destruction, so Mom and Dad Octopus self-sacrificially placed Junior in one of these cryopreserved eggs and blasted him off the planet to save their kind.

This alien-octopus research, co-authored by a group of 33 scientists, was published in the Progress in Biophysics and Molecular Biology journal. I'm sure you keep that on your nightstand like I do.

Anyway, these scientists say octopuses evolved very rapidly over 270 million years. Which sounds slow, but in evolutionary terms, 270 million years is like light speed. And the only explanation for their breakneck evolution is that they're aliens. The report says, “The genome of the Octopus shows a staggering level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes — more than is present in Homo sapiens."

Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

They mention that the octopus' large brain, sophisticated nervous system, camera-like eyes, flexible bodies and ability to change color and shape all point to its alien nature. Octopuses developed those capabilities rather suddenly in evolution, whereas we're still trying to figure out the TV remote.

These biological enhancements are so far ahead of regular evolution that the octopuses must have either time-traveled from the future, or “more realistically" according to scientists, crash-landed on earth in those cryopreserved egg thingies. The report says the eggs arrived here in “icy bolides." I had to look up what a “bolide" is, and turns out it's a fancy word for a meteor.

So, to recap: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an alien race of octopuses packed their sperm-bank samples in some meteors and shot them toward Earth. Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

President Trump's approval rating is rising, and Democrats — hilariously — can't seem to figure out what's going on. A few months ago Democrats enjoyed a sixteen point lead over Republicans, but now — according to CNN's recent national survey — that lead is down to just THREE points. National data from Reuters shows it as being even worse.

The Democratic advantage moving towards the halfway mark into 2018 shows that Republicans are only ONE point behind. The president's public approval rating is rising, and Democrats are nervously looking at each other like… “umm guys, what are we doing wrong here?"

I'm going to give Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi a little hint. We know that the Left has enjoyed a “special relationship" with the media, but they might want to have a sit down with their propaganda machine. The mainstream media is completely out of control, and Americans are sick of it. We're DONE with the media.

RELATED: The mainstream media wants you to believe Trump is waging war on immigrants — here's the truth

Look what has been going on just this week. The president called MS-13 gang members animals, but that's not the story the media jumped on. They thought it was more clickable to say that Trump was calling all immigrants animals instead. In the Middle East, the media rushed to vilify Israel instead of Hamas. They chose to defend a terror organization rather than one of our oldest allies.

Think about that. The media is so anti-Trump that they've chosen a violent street gang AND A GLOBAL TERROR ORGANIZATION as their torch-bearing heroes. Come on, Democrats. Are you seriously baffled why the American people are turning their backs on you?

Still not enough evidence? Here's the New York Times just yesterday. Charles Blow wrote a piece called "A Blue Wave of Moral Restoration" where he tried to make the case that the president and Republicans were the enemy, but — fear not — Democrat morality was here to save the day.

Here are some of these cases Blow tries to make for why Trump is unfit to be President:

No person who treats women the way Trump does and brags on tape about sexually assaulting them should be president.

Ok, fine. You can make that argument if you want to, but why weren't you making this same argument for Bill Clinton? Never mind, I actually know the reason. Because you were too busy trying to bury the Juanita Broaddrick story.

Let's move on:

No person who has demonstrated himself to be a pathological liar should be president.

Do the words, “You can keep your doctor" mean anything to the New York Times or Charles Blow? I might have saved the best for last:

No person enveloped by a cloud of corruption should be president.

I can only think of three words for a response to this: Hillary Frigging Clinton.

Try displaying a little consistency.

If the media really wants Donald Trump gone and the Democrats to take over, they might want to try displaying a little consistency. But hey, maybe that's just too much to ask.

How about starting with not glorifying terrorist organizations and murderous street gangs. Could we at least begin there?

If not… good luck in the midterms.

In the weeks following President Trump's decision to recognize Jerusalem as Israel's capital, the mainstream media was quick to criticize the president's pro-Israel stance and make dire predictions of violent backlash in the Middle East. Fast forward to this week's opening of the US Embassy in Jerusalem and the simultaneous Palestinian “protests" in Gaza.

RELATED: Just another day in Iran: Parliment chants death to America after Trump pulls out of nuclear deal

Predictably, the mainstream media chastised Israel for what they called “state-sanctioned terrorism" when the IDF stepped in to protect their country from so-called peaceful Palestinian protesters. Hamas leaders later admitted that at least 50 of the 62 Palestinians killed in the clashes were Hamas terrorists.

“In our post-modern media age, there is no truth and nobody even seems to be looking for it …. This is shamefully clear in the media especially this week with their coverage of the conflict between the border of Israel and the Gaza strip," said Glenn on today's show. He added, “The main media narrative this week is about how the IDF is just killing innocent protesters, while Hamas officials have confirmed on TV that 50 of the 62 people killed were working for Hamas."

The mainstream media views the Palestinians as the oppressed people who just want to share the land and peacefully coexist with the people of Israel. “They can't seem to comprehend that in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, only one side is actively trying to destroy the other," surmised Glenn.

Watch the video above to hear Glenn debunk the “peaceful Palestinian protest" fallacy.