GLENN: Oh, yeah. Third most listened to show in all of America. Hello, you sick twisted freak. Welcome to the program. I'm glad you're here. I want to talk a little bit about Sarah Palin. I want to play a couple of things. You know, they said she didn't talk about the economy. Well, you know what? The way to talk about the economy is twofold. Talk about the economy and pull yourself up by the bootstraps, no bailouts for anybody, period. That's it. The other thing, the most important thing to talk about the economy is energy. She did talk about energy and here's a clip from last night.
GOVERNOR PALIN: Our opponents say again and again that drilling will not solve all of America's energy problems, as if we didn't know that already. But the fact, the fact that drilling, though, won't solve every problem is no excuse to do nothing at all.
GLENN: Stop for a second if you can. This is why she will catch on fire with the American people. She just says she says what you're thinking. People, I've been saying for a long time people are screaming at their televisions. You know, if I don't care if you're Republican or Democrat. You hear these politicians on the TV and they say, drilling's not going to solve the problem. How many times have you said, no kidding; really? Whoa! So what are you going to do? "We're going to give you a magic bean. Jack, Jack, I'll trade you that cow for a magic bean. We'll put that in the tank of your car and you'll go forever." What are you going to do? Well, this is why she's going to she'll take off is because she sounds like you. If she looks like you, lucky you. Stu said call me. I just but also she's presenting some solutions. She's been presenting solutions. Go ahead with the rest of this clip. Is this about the pipeline? Play the clip.
GOVERNOR PALIN: Starting in January in a McCain/Palin administration, we're going to lay more pipelines and build more nuclear plants and create jobs with clean coal and move forward on solar, wind, geothermal and other alternative sources. We need... (cheers and applause). We need American sources of resources. We need American energy brought to you by American ingenuity and produced by American workers.
GLENN: She was speaking my I tell you, last night it was almost erotic. No, it was. Listen to this clip. Cut 2. Or seven.
GOVERNOR PALIN: Harry Reid, the majority of the current "Do nothing" Senate. He not long ago summed up his feelings about our nominee. He said, "I can't stand John McCain." Ladies and gentlemen, perhaps no accolade we hear this week is better proof that we've chosen the right man.
GLENN: Yes! Yes! When stop for a second. When she started to say this stuff, man, it was downright, it was conservative porn. This is as close as you get yeah, thank you. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Now play the rest of that clip.
GOVERNOR PALIN: What the majority leader was driving at is that he can't stand up to John McCain and that is only, that's only one more reason to take the maverick out of the Senate, put him in the White House.
GLENN: Dan, that's when I said stop the music. That's when I said, "Ooh, she said the maverick." It's like, don't talk about your ex, really, don't talk about your ex. You're wrecking the mood here. You know what I mean? When I walked in did anybody else feel like when he walked out on stage last night, ooh, boy. It was like the like you had an amazing night, you had this amazing night... and then you wake up in the morning and you're like, ooh, that was kind of like I felt a little dirty because then John McCain walked on stage and you're like, "Oh, yeah, whew, to get to her I got to sleep with him. I'm not really sure."
Dan, do you have a little Barry White? Because there's let me tell you something. There's nothing like, there's nothing like a little Sarah Palin and Barry White at the same time. Play I know I asked for Cut 13. I want to play Cut 13 and Barry White. I mean....
GLENN: Thank you. Are we number 3 for a reason? The answer is yes. Now, listen. Just turn down the lights. If you have a candle there on your dashboard or something, just light a candle for a second. Think hot thoughts. Well, hot thoughts that sound a little like this.
GOVERNOR PALIN: Now, I've noticed a pattern with our opponent and maybe you have, too. We've all heard his dramatic speeches before devoted followers, and there is much to like and admire about our opponents. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or even a reform, not even in the state Senate.
GLENN: Oh, she's past first base with me right now, she is past first base. I'm saying, yes, baby, yes, I want more. Hang on. I have to have a cigarette.
GOVERNOR PALIN: This is a man who can give an entire speech about the wars America is fighting and never use the word "Victory," except when he's talking about his own campaign.
GLENN: Oh, yes. Second base. Oh, yes.
GOVERNOR PALIN: But, when the cloud of rhetoric has passed, when the roar of the crowd fades away, when the stadium lights go out and those styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot...
GLENN: Oh... oh... oh, yes... oh, yes. Right now I'm grossing America out. I know it. I know it.
GOVERNOR PALIN: When that happens, what exactly is our opponent's plan? What does he actually seek to accomplish after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet. The answer...
GLENN: Take me home, Sarah, take me home!
GOVERNOR PALIN: To make government bigger and take more money and give you more orders from Washington and to reduce the strength of America in a dangerous world.
GLENN: Stop. Stop, stop! Stop! This is when my erotic dream stops. Listen, you people who go to conventions. You don't wreck my conservative erotic dreams, okay? I can't take these stupid convention crowds who are always, "Boo!" Or, can we do it? "Yes, we can!" No, I mean, really, can we do it? "Yes, we can!" Or here's my favorite. Here it is: "Barack Obama was right." "And John McCain was wrong!" Oh, shut... may I quote the late, great Archie Bunker... shut up, yous. If I wanted to see you on television, I would have had a camera at your house. I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you. Shut up, yous.
Did it wreck it for anybody else? I'm watching this thing last night and she's going and she's going and she's going. And I swear to you, I'm like, honey, can you leave the room for a second? And I'm just, I am I'm in love with this woman. And then they start this nonsense, "Boo, boo." And I'm like, let the woman talk. She's mine! She'll never be with you! She's mine! Maybe it's just me. Go ahead and play the rest of this out.
GOVERNOR PALIN: America needs more energy. Our opponent is against producing it. Victory in Iraq is finally in sight and he wants to forfeit. Terrorist states are seeking
GLENN: Stop, stop, stop. None of this stuff ever works. When you do this long laundry list of things, they've got to go fast. You know what I mean? They've got to just state them. But these stupid convention people and the Republicans are no better than the Democrats. This is why I hate both parties. Number 751,174, "Why I hate both the Republicans and the Democrats" is because they always come out with these laundry lists and then to make it worse, they always, "Boo! Boo! No way! George Bush sucks!" I can't take it. I can't take it. I don't even want to listen to the rest of the clip.
Sarah, let me tell you something. You were this close to having me. No, you were. You were this close to having me. And I guess you're going to have to keep trying, baby. Just keep trying.
May I just go probably about 40 yards farther than I should? Come on, she's hot. (Sizzling). Why is everybody on my production staff looking at me like, come on, she's hot.
STU: You don't think you went too far already with your I mean, I understand you are making the point of political porn but we don't need you to act it out, ever. Ever again, ever. Never do it, ever.
GLENN: You think that was too far?