GLENN: I think John McCain actually talked me back out of voting for him last night. All he needed to do is after the little film about him is just to say, good night, everybody, here's Sarah Palin again. That's all he needed to do. I first of all I just, it was the most rambling, boring. Was I the only one that was drifting? I was like, whew, honey, is there a poopy diaper I can change? Is there anything I can do? I mean, I was really it took everything in me to be able to concentrate.
Last night I get to Phoenix and we've been on the plane all day and, you know, the kids are all wound up. I'm riddled with ADD. So it's hard for me to pay attention in the first place. Holy cow. John McCain, you didn't make it easier going on and on and on about God only knows what you were talking about. No, seriously was I the only one that felt about halfway through, what the hell is he even talking about! What is that play the clip here of where he was talking about, "Hey, and by the way, we're going to make up for lost wages for you." This is a clip from last night.
SENATOR McCAIN: Workers who have lost a job that won't come back find a new one that won't go away.
GLENN: Stop for a second, please. I just would like to know what kind of program is that? How is the I would like somebody to explain this program to me. It sounds great. Can somebody explain this program to me? What, are we going to the federal government is it's called monstersjob.com. Monsterjob.com. There it is. It's called the Internet. Al Gore invented it. Get on the Internet and find a job that pays better. What are you even talking about?
Now, he's talking about an industry, job where the factories have shut down and everything else. Well, okay. So you're going to trust the government to retrain you and tell you the future? "Oh, this is where our future jobs are going." Really? "Yeah, and we'll retrain you." Oh, thanks again. Why don't you just punch me in the face.
You know what, let me tell you something. I really, truly believe that the hardest, the hardest hitting, the most difficult, the bloodiest sport out there is politics, but does anyone else feel like it's like, you know, you'd compare politics to boxing. You're going to get bloody. You get into that ring, you're going to get bloody, except when it comes to boxing, the two boxers keep hitting each other in the face. I feel like we're watching boxing where the boxers come out and punch us in the face and all of us keep sitting in the crowd going, "Yeah, I love that guy. He's my guy." "Bill, he just broke your nose." "He can throw a punch, can't he?" They are making a war between the two of them. They are both saying the same damn thing, which is nothing! And we're standing around getting hit in the face over and over again. Have you noticed that? They might hit each other in the face during the debates and during the speeches but then, then when they're finished, then they turn their sights on us: "Hey, John, come here. Now that the people have spoken, I guess they chose you: Let's go after them and punch they will in the face for the next four years." Tell me what that job training system is. Is that another government agency? Is that something that we already have?
Stu, can you help me? Do we already have that in place?
STU: We should if we done.
GLENN: I wish we did, darn it. You know what, this isn't even the thing that really pissed me off last night. I heard this and I'm like, oh, jeez, what is this? What? This is where my ADD you know, I really, at this point I'm looking at Cheyenne's diaper. I'm like, come on, poop, poop, poop, poop, let me change a poopy diaper as opposed to listening to this guy! So and he's like, "We're going to retrain people." I'm like, okay, wait a minute, I know I've heard this before; I think it's always been from a liberal, but I know I've heard this before, I've got to pay attention. And then he goes on and says something a little like this:
SENATOR McCAIN: We will prepare them for the jobs of today. We will use our community colleges to help train people for new opportunities in their communities.
GLENN: Okay, stop. This sounds a little like universal education. In our community colleges we're not going to do the universities because those are really, really expensive. We're going to do our community colleges. How do you mean we're going to use our community colleges? Is this universal education? Remember that question because it's kind of important later. Is this universal education? Yes. If it's popular... come here, I want to punch you in the face. Then he goes on and says this:
SENATOR McCAIN: For workers and industries, for workers and industries that
GLENN: Stop, stop, stop. I can't just play this without a warning. Please, if you have a weak heart and you had your heart, you were like, wait a minute, I got hope, I... this is going to be great. Just know yesterday was the greatest day. That's as good as it's going to get. Remember yesterday we were all like, yeah! Sarah Palin, I love her! That's as high as you're going to get, okay? Now you're going to start on the withdrawal of Sarah Palin. You know what, John? Just stand up and point to her, Sarah Palin. I mean, at least we'll have a few good weeks. We've got eight weeks left! At least we'll have a few good weeks before you are elected. By doing that, you'd be elected and then you'd get into office and then you punch us in the face for four years. Just please let me have eight good weeks before you or Barack Obama just pommel me to death, please? That's my last wish. My last wish as an American, as I define Americans today, you know, because we're going to redefine how this country is in about eight weeks. Just please, last wish. Let me just listen to Sarah Palin for a while because she gets it. You don't have to listen to her. I don't think you will listen to the speech, I don't think you really will listen to her in that four years. But just let me listen to her for a while, please. Warning: Wrap your head in duct tape because your head's about to explode. Here it is.
SENATOR McCAIN: For workers and industries that have been hard hit, we'll help make up part of the difference in wages between their old job and a temporary lower paid one.
SENATOR McCAIN: While they receive retraining that will help
GLENN: Excuse me. Wait. Hold it. What? This is where I'm like... this is where I'm trying to figure out, "Wait, what did he say." TiVo, it's the greatest thing. See, when politicians used to say stuff like this you know, back in the Seventies my dad would just go, "Honey, what the hell did he just say?" And she couldn't confirm or deny. It was the greatest for politicians. Now I got TiVo. I can go back do it, Dan. I can go back and hear him say it all over again just to make sure I haven't gone completely insane.
SENATOR McCAIN: We'll help make up part of the difference in wages between their old job and a temporary lower paid one while they receive retraining that will help them find suitable employment.
GLENN: Please, you've got to be kidding me. What program is that? Is this universal guaranteed wage. Good heavens. I hope Rush Limbaugh never loses his job and has to get a lower paying job. With all the bailouts we're doing, we'll be bankrupt in days. Wouldn't it be great! This would be great. If they put the Fairness Doctrine in wait a minute. I'm suddenly for this. I'm suddenly for this. If they put the Fairness Doctrine in, Rush and Sean and I will all be run out of radio and then we'll have to take a lower paying job at what's the growth industry here in America if these guys have their way? Oh, we'll go take those great jobs that are coming of building the little bamboo umbrellas for people's drinks in the emerging markets like China. So we'll make the little bamboo things and then you can make up the difference between the bamboo drink and Rush Limbaugh's current salary. It's great, isn't it? What are you even talking about?
This is why I said I think if this guy gets elected, he may be worse than Obama. But then I looked at Joe Biden. I mean, the guy who's sitting in the next office is Joe Biden, the number one liberal in America. The most liberal guy in America is Barack Obama. Number three is Joe Biden. Number four is a socialist. Does that kind of give you any idea where we're headed? Number four is... we need Casey Kasem. Counting down the biggest socialist of all time. Coming in at number four is a guy who's actually a socialist. He has the cojones which is a word you should learn because we'll all be speaking Spanish soon he's got the cojones to actually claim he's a socialist. He's coming in at number four! Who's clapping for this stuff?