Glenn Beck: Alcoholics will save America


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GLENN: You know what, the FDIC, do you know where the FDIC went and doubled, more than doubled the insurance now? It went from $100,000 in the bank to $250,000 in the bank. It's all guaranteed by the federal government. Why did they do that? Why did they do that? My first thought is because what was worth $100,000 now takes $250,000? Is that maybe what it is? I don't know. They did that because they guaranteed these mutual funds and when they did that, the banks said, what the hell are you doing? People are going to take their money out of the bank and put them in the mutual funds. So this is a way for them to correct the problem that they just created. They are never the solution. They are always the problem. Some let's just, let's think this one through. Let's just say that the government decides to bail out these banks and erase the bad mortgages from the banks' books. The government then now holds the paper until the housing market comes back. How long is the housing market going to take before it comes back? When you know you've got a shoe out there ready to drop, that when the government starts to release this paper, it's going to flood the market with more supplies. It's crazy, a little thing called supply and demand. How are you going to get the housing market -- the housing market will be artificially created. It will be an artificial bubble. If things start to go up, it's artificially created by the government. And all the government has to do is to release those houses and the prices will go down again. But that's not the story they are telling you. They are saying that they are going to hold the paper until the housing markets come back and then the government gets it off their books and then money is going to be so profitable. We are going to be rich. But in the meantime if the government's plan works, as it never does but let's just say it does because we're living in fantasy land, millions of Americans will have no equity in their homes. If you originally put 20% down and your house is worth less now than 80% of the purchase price, you have no equity. You might be able to afford your mortgage but you can't afford to sell your house because if you do, you are not going to have any cash to put down on the next house. So you stay. Paycheck to paycheck, you can't move. Things get bad. Can you afford your house?

This is the thing. Everybody bought houses and, "Well, it's never going to get worse than this. It's all going to be great." The only reason why I didn't buy into that is because it's been bad, and I said that. I said those very things one time. Oh, what a stupid idiot. I actually said one time to my wife, we'll never make less than this. I made like a quarter of that for, like, ten years after. This is the dumbest thing that you could ever say. You don't buy for the future being great. You're prudent and you're like, okay, you know, that way if one way or the other, we're good.

So you can't sell your house, you are living paycheck to paycheck, you can't move. So if you can't move, how much money are the Realtors going to make? How about the mover industry? Are they too big to fail? The property title companies, the mortgage brokers, the real estate attorneys, the house inspectors. On and on and on and all the way to the places that those people shop, or don't shop anymore. Trickle-down economics. Trickle, trickle, trickle. People lose jobs because those people aren't spending money at those stores. Most people start to tighten spending. Trickle-down economics. So go ahead, congress. Take the foreclosed mortgages off the banks' books, but then what? Trickle. You know who's going to save this country? This is an opinion. Nobody's ever going to say this. You know who's going to save this country? Alcoholics. Yeah. Yeah, winos, luscious. Drug addicts. That's who's going to save this country. Because for those of us who are winos and in recovery, we know how this game works. Only the -- darn it, if you're a recovering alcoholic. Today's the day to say, yes! I'm an alcoholic! Hello, my name is Glenn and I'm an alcoholic. This is the day for you to celebrate your alcoholism. This is the day for you to say, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, I've already been down this road; I know this answer. My life was completely spiraling out of control and nobody -- they would have killed me if somebody would have said, "Oh, Glenn, oh, my gosh, you are so poor, you can't afford anything, your life is out of control, you're on the verge of losing your job. Let me pay your bar bill." That wouldn't have helped. I would have been dead by now. It wouldn't have helped if somebody was paying for my drinks. I wouldn't have benefitted from somebody, you know, giving me a loan while I was sleeping in my own vomit. That really, that really wouldn't have been a good thing. Enable, enable, enable, trickle, trickle, trickle. Alcoholics, did you need to hit the bottom? Yep. You know who alcoholics -- you know how I know when an alcoholic isn't going to make it? And alcoholics will tell you this. We're very judgmental people. I can tell you when a person says to me, "Well, I don't think I want to -- I don't think I want to, you know, drink anymore. I think I've hit the bottom." I'm pretty sure when somebody says to me, when somebody says to me, "I was laying in the fetal position in the floor and it was life or death. It was do I die or do I live," that person, that person who said it was at that moment that I said, "You know what, I can't do it like this anymore," that person is going to survive. The ones that are like, "I don't know, it wasn't so bad," they're going to drink again. They may be sober for a little while. They may be dry for a little while but they're going to go back. Not to say that I couldn't go back and drink again. I mean, it's in all of us. It's in all of us. It makes life easier. Just like money makes life easier, alcohol for me makes life easier, for a while. And then it's out of control and I can't do it anymore. I needed to lose everything. I needed to know there was no other place for me to go. I needed to be in the darkest place, the most painful time of my life, that didn't get any darker because there was no one there, because I had created a horrible, horrible place. That's when I faced my storm. And you have a choice. Be destroyed by that storm or understand what that storm is and move to the other side. And the other side of the storm is sunshine and love and warmth and security. I'm not secure in my future. I'm really not. I don't know -- and I mean this sincerely. I don't know in 2009 whether I'll have a job. I don't know that. I have contracts, but the whole world could change. I don't know where I'm going to be living in 2009. I don't know what I'm going to be doing. I hope I'm doing this. But you know what? I'm not happy. Used to be that I had to control, but I don't care anymore. I just want to be happy. I just want to be whole. I just want to be with my family. And going through the storm, whether it be an economic storm or an alcoholic storm or whatever it is, going through it and realizing the storm will never kill you because that storm you created, it only stops you from getting into the sunlight. Stop feeding it. Stop giving out of power. Take the lumps. Is there anybody out there that says, I'd rather take the lumps right now. If it means really bad pain, I'll take the lumps so my kids don't have to take the lumps. I mean, congress thinks that we can't handle this. What they think, if we nosedive, they are going to lose their job. That's what they really think. Right now it's still all about them. It's all about the enabler. "I can fix this problem. I can fix this. I can save you." No, you can't. No, you can't. Especially since enablers are part of the problem. So I'm sorry, but until there's a bailout that actually makes sense and is clean and there's no special interests, until it resembles some sort of a free market bailout that is tax incentives, that puts the burden on our shoulders not through the government, not through their oversight but says I'm going to open up these markets so people can change, people can make their own way, people can invest, we can make it easier for people to do business, then you know what, bring it on. Bring it on. Because watch what we can do. Sit down, congress, sit down, Mr. President, get the hell out of our way. Watch what we can do. Our forefathers saw us in action over 200 years ago. They knew we can do it.

We've read about how they conquered things. Let them sit down now. Watch us, how we conquer and they'll be proud. They will know they built a country and a Constitution that could withstand near devastation, but it would survive. And watch out. Because any alcoholic will tell you once you've been in that fetal position, once you've had to look into the abyss and say who the heck am I, what do I really believe, we are stronger, we are better, we are freer. A friend of mine said to me one time, you don't even know who you are. You don't even realize the power that you have inside of you. I thought she was nuts. I said, I know exactly who I am. She said, no, you don't; someday you'll figure it out. It took my personal crash to figure it out. And who I am is a guy that doesn't have answers. I'm a guy who looks for answers. I'm a guy who won't give up. I'm a guy who will make mistakes. I'm a guy who doesn't know the future. I don't know my own future, but I don't care. Because I'm a guy who believes that goodness surrounds each one of us, that we are meant to be happy. We just have to get out of our way to be happy. And no one can make you happy.

Here, can I make you happy? No. No one in make you happy. You just have to stop being miserable and that is really hard to do. But once you figure it out, that usually it's you, your expectations, your belief in something else to get your happiness or to get your wealth or belief in Washington or whatever else that's making you miserable, you'll stop being miserable. Once you realize that, you'll stop being miserable because you won't have faith in that. You'll have faith in where faith belongs, in the designer of the universe that said you should be happy. I created this. What, do you think I did tulips? You think I did cherry trees? You think I did all of this so you'd be miserable? You're meant to be happy. Just get out of your own way. This is our time. This is our challenge. This is our opportunity, to right our own wrongs. To change the course of not only our country, the world, by not focusing on the world and our country but ourselves. Alcoholics, recovering alcoholics, stand up. Tell your friends and your neighbors, you know what? The bad ain't as spooky as you think it is. The bottom ain't the bottom, man. The bottom is actually a very, very horrifying place that I never want to go back to again, but you know what? I'm kind of glad I was there. Because now look what my life is like. Now I understand what I have. I understand what's important and I understand the power of the individual and the power of setting things right, not just burying them.

My fellow supporters,

It is with a heavy heart that I must make a sad announcement today. The time has come to press pause on the dream of Beto for president. It's not the end of the Beto dream. It's just pressing pause for a while, like pausing a Foss CD. The dream will keep right on spinning, until we return to it and press play again. I mean, look at Bernie Sanders. That guy's almost twice my age and he's still running for president. That means you can look forward to Beto running for office for decades to come. I have found there is tremendous joy and freedom in running for office and never winning. All the travel, Vanity Fair cover stories, food and free beer, with none of the hassle or responsibility of having an actual job in elected office (or any job at all). It's really great.

With the exception of myself, no one has supported Beto more faithfully and true than you, the fans. I'd also like to thank my wife Amy for continually raising our children so that I can travel this great land in my never-ending quest to find myself (and also to connect with you, the fans). From attending my very hip and not-at-all contrived jogging town halls, to slapping those trendy Beto bumper stickers on your hybrid-SUVs, to steadying tables all over America so I could jump on top of them and yell and jab the air, to clicking "like" on all those Facebook videos of my dentist visits – you perpetuated this Beto dream way longer than it had any right to be perpetuated.

So, I'm sure you're now wondering – what's next for Beto?

Other than pursuing my career as a solo rock recording artist, I believe the best way I can serve America and bring true justice to this great land of ours is by stealing from the rich and giving to those who fall in the sweet spot on the intersectionality charts. Except I won't steal from my billionaire father-in-law, only because getting my family cut out of the will would not be in America's best interest. You need a Beto who is independently wealthy via his wife and so do I. Plus, as you know by now, from following the 2020 presidential campaign so closely, the only acceptable status quo in America is leaving the wealth of Progressive elites alone. Everyone else's wealth is fair game, including the middle class. It's the right thing to do.

You need a Beto who is independently wealthy via his wife and so do I.

Therefore, from this day forward I will henceforth be known as Beto Hood. You will be able to join the cause by purchasing official Beto Hood merch soon at Beto Hood dot com. Together, with my band of merry men, who will be known as "merry non-binaries", we will roam the land, righting all the wrongs and bringing about all the social justice that Donald Trump refuses to let you have.

Beto Hood and his Merry Non-Binaries will live on the road. And in the woods (in eco-friendly, fully sustainable treehouse yurts). And in the shadows. We will skateboard and learn archery and rappelling. We will become proficient in hand-to-hand combat. We will become experts in all weaponry except guns, since guns are the evilest weapons. We will care for all the animals of the forest. You already know my affinity for squirrels. Not only will we continue to rescue all the orphan squirrels, we will train them in petty thievery and nimble sabotage. We will affix tiny helmets on them, fitted with tiny Go Pro cameras to live stream their heroic exploits on Facebook. Side note: my colonoscopy next week will also be live streamed on Facebook and available to rent on iTunes.

Using the skills I honed as a college graduate scaling the gates of UTEP, Beto Hood and his Merry Non-Binaries will scale the gates of America's richest and steal from their grotesque wealth. Jewelry, high-end electronics, precious antiques, art, women's shoes – nothing of value will be off-limits. Drawing on my experience while my father was a county judge, we will live above the law. It will be dangerous work, the Lord's work as some people say. But totally worth the risk.

Also, we will not wait for Constitutional amendments nor judicial overreach to get rid of America's AR-15s. We will steal those too. One by one. Using very large versions of those stretchy sticky hands that come in cereal boxes, we will literally be able to snatch these vile guns right out from under the noses of the monsters who own them. Then, with our literal mountain of confiscated AR-15s, we will melt them down and use the metal to build a flotilla of sturdy watercraft, called Beto Boats (trademark pending). Families will be able to use these Beto Boats to save themselves and others when the rising waters of climate change overtake our cities in exactly ten years.

Who needs the presidency? I have big, bold plans for a bright future as an outlaw hero.

Who needs the presidency? I have big, bold plans for a bright future as an outlaw hero. So, don't cry for me, America. Beto will be just fine. Dropping out of this race is nothing that another months-long, head-clearing road trip won't cure. And after that, I'll start shopping for some tights.



[NOTE: The preceding Memo was a parody written by MRA writer Nathan Nipper – not Beto O'Rourke.]

Ryan: Making of an Ant Queen

Photo by Kevin Ryan

The embattled, Nobel-Peace-Prize-winning author Liu Xiaobo wrote that "Life is priceless even to an ant."

An ant colony can only survive for a few months after the death of its queen. On average, queens live 10 to 15 years. Some, up to 30 years, one of the longest insect lifespans, hidden deep within the colony, protected, unable to use her wings because she's a little bigger than she used to be.

Plus she's very busy.

The majority of ants are female. Wingless, sterile worker ants. They build nests, they forage, they hunt.

Theirs is a far briefer life than the queen's, ranging from a few weeks up to a year. But they see more of the outside world than any other ant.

The bigger they are, the farther they travel. And they release pheromones along the way so that they have a trail home.
Drones — winged male ants whose primary function in life is to mate with the queen — die after mating and rarely make it out of the colony.

Then, there are the soldier ants. They protect the colony and attack.

To quote philosopher Bertrand Russell, "Ants and savages put strangers to death."

They go on raids.

The attacking colony rarely loses, so most colonies flee as soon as an invasion begins. But they sometimes remain and fight.
Ants on both sides of the battle die in droves.

Henry David Thoreau describes an ant battle in Walden: "On every side they were engaged in deadly combat, yet without any noise that I could hear, and human soldiers never fought so resolutely."

If the attackers succeed in overtaking a colony, they pillage the eggs. Some are eaten, fed to larvae. But others become victims of slave raiding. Meaning that the victors return home with their enemy's unborn, feed them, nurse them. Then, when the eggs hatch, the victors force them into slavery.

Often, the slaves even develop an allegiance to the colony which ransacked their home and enslaved them. They'll even help raid other colonies and either die pointlessly or help with the seizure of the next generation of slaves.

Sometimes, however, the slave ants rebel.

In the words of Persian poet Saadi, "Ants, fighting together, will vanquish the lion."

Flying ants, both male and female, leave the colony to form another colony. Once they find a suitable place, the males's wings fall off and they mate to their death. Then one or more of the females becomes queen.

*

It felt odd, any time I sat with a roomful of media, a few hundred journalists from all over the world, as they simultaneously, silently, decided "Yep, that's newsworthy. We should hammer that."

It wasn't like everyone turned to each other and said, "Let's agree on the narrative."

It was an energy.

Photo by Kevin Ryan

Like in Houston, at the third Democratic Debate, after Biden misused the word "record player," you could hear chatter spread through the room, people muttering the words "records" and "record player."

In Houston, the media watched the debate from a gymnasium around the corner from the auditorium. So I could contrast the crowd's reactions with the media's reactions.

Nearly every time, there was a disparity between the two. The media were more relaxed — during the debate at least. The audience enjoyed any mentions of identity issues. There were a lot. But the media barely reacted at all.

This was a good thing, probably.

*

It's impressive to see how politicians force their stump speeches into a new form, depending on the context. How they say it like an epiphany.

That night brought the opposite for the ever-fledgling Kamala Harris. I could not believe it. Was this the same woman who'd made Iowa hers, just a little over a month ago?

All night, she was so loyal to the tactic she'd premeditated that she didn't realize it wasn't working, like she kept putting on a puppet show on some busy sidewalk.

At one point, she declared, proudly, "We're not talking about Donald Trump enough."

The most talked-about man in the world, perhaps in our country's history.

In five weeks, she became an entirely different candidate. Her latest version resembled a Xanax-fueled stepmom. It was like she was transforming into Joe Biden.

She kept laughing at her own jokes. And the entire media room cringed every time.

Photo by Kevin Ryan

Amy Klobuchar's pre-formed jokes and half-zany dad jokes fell short every time, too. Most of the media saw Klobuchar's long rants as a chance to chat with a neighbor or jet off to the nearest bathroom, which was likely a locker-room full of plastic flight containers and padded camera cases and journalists who curse like sailors.

During the debate, the press was stoic. So if a candidate got a reaction from them, it carried a certain authenticity.

They laughed at things that the audience ignored or disliked or didn't notice. In part because the audience didn't do a whole lot of laughing. But the media laughed like professionals laugh. In-jokey and staid yet ready for anything unexpected.

They loved it when Booker said the thing about "Let me translate that to Spanish … 'No'." And Yang's opening handclaps. As well as Pete Buttigieg's reaction to Yang's raffle.

The biggest laugh of the night in the media center, surprisingly, was when Yang said, "I am Asian, so I know a lot of doctors."

*

Early scientists believed that ants adhere to a complicated hierarchy, which biologist E O Wilson compared to the Hindu caste system. The idea was, ants and humans have a lot in common, and ants belong to a society divided by class and determined by labor.

In the Wealth of Nations, father of capitalism Adam Smith wrote: "It is the great multiplication of the productions of all the different arts, in consequence of the division of labour, which occasions, in a well-governed society, that universal opulence which extends itself to the lowest ranks of the people."

Ants have been organized into colonized societies since the Cretaceous Period, 140 million years ago, when dinosaurs still dominated the Earth. All of that changed 74 million years later. Which was about 66 million years ago. When a comet slammed into what is now the Yucatan Peninsula, resulting in the KT mass extinction.

80 percent of all plants and animals died. The ash and dust and debris polluted the air, blocked the sunlight, transforming the Earth into a dark, frozen wasteland full of asthma.

Insects, carrion-eaters, and omnivores all survived. Any purely carnivorous animals starved to death, while mammals and birds fed on insects and worms until the earth repopulated itself with more animals that could be eaten.

The K-T Mass Extinction ushered in a new era of life. Species that had lived in constant retreat from predators were suddenly able to form more elaborate purposes.

After these lifeforms thrived for tens of millions of years, certain mammals started to become vaguely humanlike.
Early humans popped up about 300,000 years ago.

Meaning, ants have existed for 140 million years, which is 139.7 million years longer than humans.

For reference, if you counted to 300,000, it would take you roughly three-in-a-half days. To get to 140 million would take about four-and-a-half years.

Humans only began developing language about 100,000 years ago.

Yet we're the ones with libraries and governments and ABBA and iPhones. What did ants have? Other people's sugar?

*

Before the debate, I wandered out of the gymnasium and onto bustling sidewalks with makeshift security fencing on each side. And hopped over the massive yellow tubes that belonged in E.T. and pumped cold air into the building. Past dozens of police and security, through an elaborate weave of temporary checkpoints and wires bigger than a fire hose.

On the street, I passed a group of six-or-so teenagers flipping DELANEY signs around like those cardboard "WE BUY GOLD" banners which actual people bob around while dressed as Elvis or Lady Liberty or a Banana.

Photo by Kevin Ryan

The sun cast a delightful orange over Houston, glitter in the humid air.

Those kids were having a blast with those signs. Laughing so hard they had to stop occasionally and slap their legs.

On the other side of the fence, some of the most powerful people in the world were readying for battle, and these kids could not have cared less.

*

The protestors had gathered just outside the gates of the campus entrance.

Far as I could tell, it was me and no other journalists present. The rest of the media were in the gymnasium, preparing for the debate or networking or already on-air. Once they got into the media center they stayed put. For many reasons, I assume.
The air collapsed under a wave of heat unique to Houston.

Photo by Kevin Ryan

Gnarled blockades served as borders on both sides of the street. Locked into steel fencing, flanked by rows of police cars with their lights on but their sirens off.

Worse than the humidity, and more intense, was the energy bouncing out of the protestors on Cleburne Street. The opposite of suction energy, shoving out with tension and panic and elation.

Photo by Kevin Ryan

Curtis Mayfield's "Move on Up" blared from a Bluetooth speaker. I envisioned a slow zoom from above, beginning with the top of my head and rising, up and up and up. Drawing in the greater scene. Up past Trump's message-board plane. A panorama of city, then county, then state, capturing the topography and nuance of each snapshot of nature.

The higher the camera rose, the more I resembled an ant. One more wingless worker or obedient soldier rushing from place to place on a mission.

And when you got far enough above, you saw the colony that each of us belongs to.

Then it shrank like a passing bobsled, and Earth itself resembled an ant.

The scale of it is daunting.

For thousands of years the sky has filled humans with romance and humility and wonder. A restive impulse that strikes when we gaze up at the moon, the stars, the galaxy, the quiet.

But at ground level, I was a man in the throes of a great human drama. And my job was to document it as neutrally as possible.

The 120-odd protestors on the south side of the street spilled onto the sidewalk and into a lawn, and they chanted as the Trump plane groaned overhead.

They were crowded together, and they were all fighting for different causes. Lots of contradictions under the same banner.
Next to a group of Beto supporters with pro-choice t-shirts, several women chanted

We.
Want.
A pro-life.
Dem.

Chaos itself occupied the south side of the street. The protestors weren't sure how to handle it. So they chanted and sang and probed for the problem. Like so many tiny creatures hauling an orange slice.

Across the street, facing that horde of supporters, two men gripped pro-life signs.

They were the counter-protestors. Their barricade was far wider than needed. The grass around them looked sad, like the trail a dog makes along the fence when it wants to escape.

Behind the two counter-protestors, a mini-bus covered with photos of aborted babies, tangled fetuses, severed and indistinguishable chunks.

Photo by Kevin Ryan

Photo by Kevin Ryan

I squinted and gasped and felt downright unwell.

Two days earlier, my wife and I found out that she was pregnant with our first child.

At the very moment I stared at images of tiny human shapes contorted and grey, our baby was the size of a pea.
A few weeks later, we'd see its heartbeat pulsing like a strobe.

I'm not making a statement on abortion. That's not my job as a journalist.

It's more my admiration for the impeccable depth of life. The timing. How messages and symbols confront us all the time, with unmatchable creativity.

Because there I was, literally in the middle of two opposing factions. Again. In the divide. Tangled into so many dichotomies. Life and death. Freedom and oppression. Order and chaos. Activity and stagnation. Creation and loss. Art and nature.

And I had once again remained in the middle.

This brought me tremendous satisfaction. It signified personal and journalistic success.

It was also a bit ridiculous.

As a reporter, I never wanted to pick a side. I already had a side. My side was America, and Ireland. My side was humanity.

My side was life.

New installments of this series come out every Monday and Thursday morning. Check out my Twitter or email me at kryan@mercurystudios.com

"Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak.Not to act is to act."
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The cost of discipleship can be daunting and few people are willing to sacrifice and stand in the face of evil to do what they know God is asking of them. The "Bonhoeffer Angel Award" is awarded to someone with the vision and courage to act when others only talk, to dig in and listen to the whisperings of the spirit when others turn a deaf ear. It is only fitting the inaugural award go to the visionary founder of Mercury One, Glenn Beck.

The award was presented by the Board President of Mercury One, David Barton and CEO of the Nazarene Fund, Tim Ballard. There was a touching video tribute as well including the likes of Penn Jillette, Senators Mike Lee, Ted Cruz and Joe Liberman, Congressman Loui Gohmert and Rabbi Daniel Lappin.

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE:

Glenn will be hosting the annual Operation Underground Railroad gala Saturday, November 2nd with keynote speaker Tim Ballard. If you are able to join us, tickets are still available and donations of all sizes are welcome.

Summer is ending and fall is in the air. Before you know it, Christmas will be here, a time when much of the world unites to celebrate the love of family, the generosity of the human spirit, and the birth of the Christ-child in Bethlehem.

For one night only at the Kingsbury Hall in Salt Lake City, on December 7th, join internationally-acclaimed radio host and storyteller Glenn Beck as he walks you through tales of Christmas in the way that only he can. There will be laughs, and there might be a few tears. But at the end of the night, you'll leave with a warm feeling in your heart and a smile on your face.

Reconnect to the true spirit of Christmas with Glenn Beck, in a storytelling tour de force that you won't soon forget.

Get tickets and learn more about the event here.

The general sale period will be Friday, August 16 at 10:00 AM MDT. Stay tuned to for updates. We look forward to sharing in the Christmas spirit with you!