Glenn Beck: What are the Odds?



GLENN: What are the odds? What are the odds that in North Kansas City a couple would get a -- would get their credit card bill back... and they would find -- they are McCain supporters, and they would find on their credit card bill a $2300 donation to Barack Obama's presidential campaign? What could this guy -- you know what? I have to tell you something. I've had a "Come to Jesus" moment on Barack Obama and there's two ways to really look at this. There's this guy is surrounded by some of the most evil people you could possibly imagine. The signs are everywhere. I mean, it's one thing after another after another after another, and you could start to say, "Wait a minute, I'm not buying any of these excuses," or, or you could say, "Well, he's just the most unlucky guy ever." Now, I used to be at the "I don't think I buy any of these excuses." But you know what? After seeing that last credit card thing with the ACORN and you're like, "Okay, now somebody is stealing credit cards and making donations to the Obama campaign." You could say, you know what, everybody who's nefarious seems to be involved in helping this guy get elected. But that's just -- you know what it is. Luck. Because hard work, you don't -- look. The one thing I've learned is you don't really control your own destiny. People are going to do everything they can to keep you down. You don't trust -- you don't -- you won't be able to make it and that's what's happening to Barack. He's just trying to make it. He's just trying -- and think of the odds that he is overcoming. Think of the horrible -- look, you think you had it bad? You have no idea what life is like if you're Barack Obama. I know he's ahead in the polls and everything and I know he's probably going to do an unbelievable job at winning this November, but it's way closer than it should be. Why is that? Policies? No. He's hopeful, he's changish. Bad luck.

Think of this. I was just noodling this before I went on the air. Think of these things. Out of all of the women in America that he could marry, hundreds of millions of women that Barack Obama -- he's a good looking guy. He's fit, he's trim, he's smart, he's successfulish. He's -- you know, he's got a bright future, unless you know about his luck thing. Out of all the women that he could marry, the possible next President of the United States, he finds the one woman who's not proud of her country and wants to change its history? The one he happens to luck into. What are the odds? I mean, it's not like they were related at all on those things. It's just, he falls in love with her and he's like, oh, my gosh! And he probably didn't even know it until she said it on the campaign trail. It was like, oh, my -- I didn't know that. And then, you know, because this is the way all women are, (mumbling). And he's like, okay. And the new couple, you know, they're still happy; he doesn't know she's unhappy with the country. Well, they pick out a new church and they go there for 20 years. Everything seems great, except now they find out after he starts running for President that the pastor, a guy they considered, quote, family hates America. What? What are the odds? His wife doesn't like America. She's not -- she's never been proud of the country. Completely unrelated, a complete coincidence, the pastor hates America. Poor Barack Obama. I mean, maybe Reverend Wright and Michelle have something in common. Maybe they have been sitting around talking about it but she knew. But Barack, "Jeez, now we've got two family members that hate America." What are the odds? And not just people that hate America, but this pastor who was "Family," thinks America is a racist country where all the white people in the government are trying to kill all the black people in the country with AIDS. They invented AIDS. Now you not only have somebody who hates America but you have somebody who's crazy in your family and you didn't know it for 20 years. And by the way, if that were true, if the government were trying to kill all black people in America, black people, you should be very, very safe because it's a government-run program. I mean, you are going to die of natural causes way before the government could actually get around to actually killing you.

But then Barack Obama's luck gets even worse. I mean, that's, that's bad enough luck. At this point I'm thinking, come on, that's not a coincidence. I mean, he's attracting these things to him. No, no. Can't you see? You're not in control of your own destiny. You're destined to be a victim and a victim -- there's nobody who knows victims like Barack Obama.

Think of this. Okay, he's in that church for 20 years. Apparently the pastor would only say crazy hateful things about America not around the dinner table, not around his house and never, ever say things like U.S. KKK of A or, you know, G-damn America or anything like that. Only the times that Barack and Michelle were in attendance did he say things like that and apparently all of the friends that would have been shocked by something like that, they didn't attend that weekend, either, because nobody ever said, "My gosh, you should have heard what the pastor said this weekend; it was completely out of character." Nobody said anything. He didn't know. What are the odds? It's crazy. And that pattern went on for 20 years. That's how bad of luck Barack Obama has, 20 years. Every single time the guy doesn't show up for church, it's nonstop the government creates the AIDS virus. Unbelievable. What are the odds? How was he supposed to know that the pastor was a nut job? For two decades the Obamas missed every racist hateful comment toward America and so did all of their friends. The rest of the time, every time they were there, you know, he was talking about actual Bible stuff. The odds are unbelievable. And that's just the beginning.

Then Barack is like, "Hey, I want to be a state senator. Where should I have it? I mean, I could launch it from a park, you know, I could go to like a cool podium some place, maybe I can go to Pizza Hut. Where could I possibly -- and somebody says, hey, I know, you can go do it at my house. And he's like, really? Now, you would think to yourself, well, that's lucky. And I'm sure that's what Barack Obama was thinking, "I don't know if I have a place to do it, I don't know if I can get a park and a podium, I don't know if I can get into Pizza Hut and we'll have room for all the cameras. And this guy seems to have a big house. I mean, I don't know him, we live in the same neighborhood but we don't really talk." Okay, so he launches at his house, and it's this beautiful house. Turns out -- ready for this one? Turns out the guy is a home grown terrorist. I mean, who knew? I mean, besides everybody because the guy wasn't hiding it and it was in the New York Times, but who knew? I mean, Ayers had blown up buildings, even the Pentagon, which is wild because somebody else just blew up the Pentagon and you'd think that that would come up in conversation, you know, like when you're meeting him. "Hey, by the way, you're launching your campaign over at the William Ayers house. You do know that he's the guy who blew up the Pent..." that's how unlucky Barack Obama is. He didn't know. I mean, what are the odds? You've really got to feel for Barack Obama at some point. This guy just can't catch a break. He's just trying to do the right thing. He's just trying to organize his community. That's it. It's completely -- you know, the As aren't where the As are supposed to be and the Fs are over in the G slot and he's like, I've got to reorganize this whole community now. I'm busy. Can somebody throw me a bone and tell me who's a terrorist and who's not a terrorist? I mean, what are there? Only a couple of hundred domestic terrorists in America, maybe? I mean, I think I'm being pretty generous. Maybe a couple of hundred people? 300 million people in the country and you're like, "Oh, crap, I'm sitting with a domestic terrorist at his house launching my campaign?" It's incredible. This guy is Charlie Brown. You've got to feel sorry for him. He's a victim!

And you, you can relate to him because you're a victim, too. You'll never be able to make it. You need somebody to help you. And because he understands victims, he can help you. I just, you know, I just refrained this in my head and realized what are the odds? My gosh. But our story is just starting. It gets worse. It turns out Barack was on a board of community organization. He was the star. He was the man. He was the guy. They hand-picked him: "You need to run this." He could have picked any board. Any board could have picked him. Out of all the hundreds and thousands of boards, he happens to be sitting on the same one as the domestic terrorist! I mean, is that rough luck or what? You're like, "Oh, crap. The one that picks me is that one?" And then, and then he serves on another board with Ayers. I mean, he couldn't get more unlucky. Is he cursed? I have to -- I'm worried that maybe he's cursed. Does somebody have a voodoo doll against him?

Now, I don't want this all to be doom and gloom. I want you to know that they have hit some lucky patches, thank goodness. Otherwise, I mean, how could they, how could they go on just victims of all of these ill-timed events and chance meetings and friends that turn out to be practical enemies of the state or former prisoners? My goodness. Well, it's not all bad news. I mean, according to Barack and Michelle, they did have one stroke of luck. They got rich. You won't, you know, because you -- well, when they get in, well, they will help you get rich. But they just happened to stumble into it. It had nothing to do with hard work or anything. In fact, Michelle Obama put it, "It was like Jack and his magic beans." Man, I guess you have to be really unlucky for a very long time to get Jack and his magic beans to make you a millionaire.

So at least now they could put food on the table several million times, you know, although in a way that was bad luck because it hurt the medicine that you need the federal government to make it. "Wait, wait, wait, we were only lucky." Turns out federal government, you know, they weren't the ones that helped the Obamas get rich. Amazing, I mean just think of the odds, the odds in the other way on how unlucky they've been. They are the one couple who has been able to make it without the government. So now they had some money. Luck. Victims? Lucky victims, very unlucky but sometimes lucky victims.

So they decided to buy a new house because they have got money now and they are like, hey, let's buy a new house. That's the American dream. And his wife is like, no, no, that's the American promise. So they went out, they looked and they're like, we can't afford these houses, even for us millionaires, they can't afford these houses. But they got a lucky deal. They got an amazing deal. The seller decided to split their lot into two lots. This almost never happens. They're like, "We want to buy this but we can't afford it and they are like, hmmm, what could we do? You know what, I like you guys so much, why don't I split this lot into two. I wonder if there's anybody that wants to -- oh, my gosh, there's a buyer, and a buyer for the other half of the lot just showed up. It was incredible. Again what are the odds? So the Obamas bought one half and somebody else -- I don't know who it was -- bought the other. I mean, has anything ever like -- has anything happened like that with you? I never even heard -- again, very, very unlucky lucky victims. Because you know victimization is right around the corner. Right, as soon as they start feeling lucky, victimization sets in.

So it was so exciting because not only did they get the home for $300,000 under market value, and this is in 2005 when home prices were going through the roof. They got -- the person was like, I like you guys so much, I'm going to sell it to you for $300,000 less, and somebody else who we don't know yet is going to buy the other part of this lot. And on the same day that they closed on their new property, the buyer who bought the other side was closing on theirs. It was so exciting, and their new neighbor was nice. They got to know him. It was Tony Rezco. And out of the kindness of his heart, he paid the full price for the empty lot that had been sitting there for months, which made it possible for the Obamas to get a $300,000 savings. So lucky, those victims.

And then because Rezco is such a great guy, he was like, you know what, I don't want to live there. Why don't I sell my strip of land so you can have a bigger yard and no one would buy the lot that, you know, he was -- that Rezco paid for, nobody would buy it anyway. So he was like, "I'm not going to live there and there's nobody willing to buy it. Why don't you guys buy it." It's incredible. And what luck because Tony Rezco's a political fundraiser, you know? Now, here's the victimhood again. Little did they know, who would have seen this one coming. This political fundraiser who bought the land that he never lived on gave them this sweetheart deal. Apparently unbeknownst to the Obamas, he was into sweetheart deals with politicians, and just this year he was convicted of several counts of fraud and bribery and -- but that's not the Tony Rezco that Obama knew. He just knew the nice neighbor guy who bought the strip of land so he could buy a house. That's it. It was a really -- I mean, he's admitted that, boy, that was a stupid thing for me to do. I don't even know what I was doing there. So I mean, he's learned his lesson, you know? Nice guy, helps you buy and save hundreds of thousands of dollars, you know, turns out to be a bribe attempt or at least, you know, not this case but other cases like that. Not this one, but other ones. What are the odds? It's just horrible.

And as if his luck couldn't even get worse, the champion of the people, you know, the champion of the community organizers. "Wait, wait, wait, N doesn't belong there. That's where the O goes." And he's just trying to organize communities. Here he is, the champion, the Messiah of the people in an attempt just to help the community... organize, he decides to donate some of his campaign money to a group who's also out. They're just getting everybody... organized. But out of all of the groups, out of all of them, out of the gazillions of groups that are out there getting communities... organized, out of the phone books and phone books of every city in America you can page through, what's the one he stops on? My goodness, Charlie Brown, he finds the one that's committing voter fraud in every single swing state. What are the odds! And to make things worse, there are employees who are supposed to be nonpartisan wearing ACORN For Obama shirts, which doesn't look good... but once again you'll never get ahead because the system is stacked against ya and you want to talk about the number one victim in America. It is Barack Obama.

Oh, by the way, just have to throw this in. His mentor -- I mean, here he has a dad who abandons him and he's like, hey, let's do some father and son things. And he comes upon this mentor, this guy name Frank. He writes about him in his book. He just hangs with him and he teaches him and everything. It's great. Turns out that Frank is Frank Marshall Davis, a communist, a well known communist back in the Sixties, and he hates capitalism. What horrible luck! What are the odds! Out of all the fatherless mentors he could find, he finds the communist!

I just have to tell you, he's the most unlucky luckiest victim I have ever seen, but I just fall to my knees and pray that when Barack is elected, his bad luck streak of friends and associations finally ends. He wins that presidency and he's the luck -- I feel... feel... feel like the luckiest man... man... man... alive. It would be great, wouldn't it? Keep your fingers crossed. I hope he doesn't have any unlucky days at the White House.

'The Handmaid's Tale' got it right, just with the wrong religion

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

Just in case The Handmaid's Tale's heavy-handed message wasn't already heavy-handed enough, a recent episode made it clear there's always room for further hysteria. Particularly, in relation to depictions of a “patriarchal society" run by Christian doctrine and determined by men — oh those dastardly men.

RELATED: Christian privilege is the new white privilege

The show appropriates Margaret Atwood of the same name, depicting a totalitarian society led by Christian doctrine in which women's bodies are controlled, and they have no rights. The story sounds familiar, but not in the same way Atwood and the show's creators have so smugly assumed.

Just as tone-deaf as 4th wave feminism itself, and tone-deaf in all the exact same places. Most notably, the show's heavy-handed indignation toward Christianity. Toward the patriarchy. Toward conservatives and traditional values. And just like 4th wave feminism, the show completely overlooks the irony at play. Because there is a part of the world where women and children are being raped and mutilated. In fact, in this very real place, the women or girls are often imprisoned, even executed, for being raped, and they are mutilated in unspeakable ways.

Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life.

There is a place, a very real place, where women are forced to cover their entire bodies with giant tarp-like blankets, which is all the more brutal given the endless heat of this place. There is a place where women literally have one-third of the rights of men, a place where women are legally, socially and culturally worth less than men.

They cannot drive cars. They cannot be outside alone. They cannot divorce, they cannot even choose who they marry and often, they are forcibly married at a young age.

They are raped. A lot. Theirs is a cruel, bloody, colorless life. This is the life of tens, perhaps hundreds of millions of women. And, I'll tell you, their religion isn't Christianity.

Science did it again. It only took 270 million years, but this week, scientists finally solved the mystery that has kept the world up at night. We finally know where octopuses come from: outer space. That explains why they look like the aliens in just about every alien movie ever made.

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It turns out octopuses were aliens that evolved on another planet. Scientists haven't determined which one yet, but they've definitely narrowed it down to one of the planets in one of the galaxies. Hundreds of millions of years ago (give or take a hundred), these evolved octopus aliens arrived on Earth in the form of cryopreserved eggs. Now, this part is just speculation, but it's possible their alien planet was on the verge of destruction, so Mom and Dad Octopus self-sacrificially placed Junior in one of these cryopreserved eggs and blasted him off the planet to save their kind.

This alien-octopus research, co-authored by a group of 33 scientists, was published in the Progress in Biophysics and Molecular Biology journal. I'm sure you keep that on your nightstand like I do.

Anyway, these scientists say octopuses evolved very rapidly over 270 million years. Which sounds slow, but in evolutionary terms, 270 million years is like light speed. And the only explanation for their breakneck evolution is that they're aliens. The report says, “The genome of the Octopus shows a staggering level of complexity with 33,000 protein-coding genes — more than is present in Homo sapiens."

Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

They mention that the octopus' large brain, sophisticated nervous system, camera-like eyes, flexible bodies and ability to change color and shape all point to its alien nature. Octopuses developed those capabilities rather suddenly in evolution, whereas we're still trying to figure out the TV remote.

These biological enhancements are so far ahead of regular evolution that the octopuses must have either time-traveled from the future, or “more realistically" according to scientists, crash-landed on earth in those cryopreserved egg thingies. The report says the eggs arrived here in “icy bolides." I had to look up what a “bolide" is, and turns out it's a fancy word for a meteor.

So, to recap: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an alien race of octopuses packed their sperm-bank samples in some meteors and shot them toward Earth. Lucky for us, they landed in the water. Otherwise, we might be octopus pets.

President Trump's approval rating is rising, and Democrats — hilariously — can't seem to figure out what's going on. A few months ago Democrats enjoyed a sixteen point lead over Republicans, but now — according to CNN's recent national survey — that lead is down to just THREE points. National data from Reuters shows it as being even worse.

The Democratic advantage moving towards the halfway mark into 2018 shows that Republicans are only ONE point behind. The president's public approval rating is rising, and Democrats are nervously looking at each other like… “umm guys, what are we doing wrong here?"

I'm going to give Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi a little hint. We know that the Left has enjoyed a “special relationship" with the media, but they might want to have a sit down with their propaganda machine. The mainstream media is completely out of control, and Americans are sick of it. We're DONE with the media.

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Look what has been going on just this week. The president called MS-13 gang members animals, but that's not the story the media jumped on. They thought it was more clickable to say that Trump was calling all immigrants animals instead. In the Middle East, the media rushed to vilify Israel instead of Hamas. They chose to defend a terror organization rather than one of our oldest allies.

Think about that. The media is so anti-Trump that they've chosen a violent street gang AND A GLOBAL TERROR ORGANIZATION as their torch-bearing heroes. Come on, Democrats. Are you seriously baffled why the American people are turning their backs on you?

Still not enough evidence? Here's the New York Times just yesterday. Charles Blow wrote a piece called "A Blue Wave of Moral Restoration" where he tried to make the case that the president and Republicans were the enemy, but — fear not — Democrat morality was here to save the day.

Here are some of these cases Blow tries to make for why Trump is unfit to be President:

No person who treats women the way Trump does and brags on tape about sexually assaulting them should be president.

Ok, fine. You can make that argument if you want to, but why weren't you making this same argument for Bill Clinton? Never mind, I actually know the reason. Because you were too busy trying to bury the Juanita Broaddrick story.

Let's move on:

No person who has demonstrated himself to be a pathological liar should be president.

Do the words, “You can keep your doctor" mean anything to the New York Times or Charles Blow? I might have saved the best for last:

No person enveloped by a cloud of corruption should be president.

I can only think of three words for a response to this: Hillary Frigging Clinton.

Try displaying a little consistency.

If the media really wants Donald Trump gone and the Democrats to take over, they might want to try displaying a little consistency. But hey, maybe that's just too much to ask.

How about starting with not glorifying terrorist organizations and murderous street gangs. Could we at least begin there?

If not… good luck in the midterms.

In the weeks following President Trump's decision to recognize Jerusalem as Israel's capital, the mainstream media was quick to criticize the president's pro-Israel stance and make dire predictions of violent backlash in the Middle East. Fast forward to this week's opening of the US Embassy in Jerusalem and the simultaneous Palestinian “protests" in Gaza.

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Predictably, the mainstream media chastised Israel for what they called “state-sanctioned terrorism" when the IDF stepped in to protect their country from so-called peaceful Palestinian protesters. Hamas leaders later admitted that at least 50 of the 62 Palestinians killed in the clashes were Hamas terrorists.

“In our post-modern media age, there is no truth and nobody even seems to be looking for it …. This is shamefully clear in the media especially this week with their coverage of the conflict between the border of Israel and the Gaza strip," said Glenn on today's show. He added, “The main media narrative this week is about how the IDF is just killing innocent protesters, while Hamas officials have confirmed on TV that 50 of the 62 people killed were working for Hamas."

The mainstream media views the Palestinians as the oppressed people who just want to share the land and peacefully coexist with the people of Israel. “They can't seem to comprehend that in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, only one side is actively trying to destroy the other," surmised Glenn.

Watch the video above to hear Glenn debunk the “peaceful Palestinian protest" fallacy.