Glenn: So, here it is. Here are some of the things that Barack Obama has promised he would do and then my prediction of what would actually happen. First, taxes. Give a tax break to 95 percent of Americans. Odds of that happening, well, seeing that, you know, 95 percent of America doesn't pay taxes, pretty low, but cutting checks to people who don't pay any income tax, let me tell you, that's a lock. Yeah. That one's going to happen. Unfortunately for the rest of, you know, America, the budget shortfall makes this one darn near impossible. I'm really sorry, but it's that damn George W. Bush. This economy! You know, that's what's going to be said. It's that George W. Bush. Look. The economy is much worse than I thought it was. Wait a minute. Weren't you meeting with Warren Buffet and everybody? By the way, didn't he lose, like, 70 percent of his value there in Berkshire Hathaway? Anyway, the next one is restore Clinton era tax rates on top income earners. I think this one's going to be said, Well, we just can't keep it at the Clinton levels because of all the damage that George Bush did to our economy. They'll be running against George Bush just like everyone has run against Herbert Hoover. Can we just run against the real people once in awhile, the people who are still having influence? Do you know what I'm saying? The tax rates of Clinton era are not going to be -- he's going to say can't do it. In fact, I wish I could do it, but it's got to be higher. That's what's coming. It's much worse than I thought it was. He said if you make under $250,000, you will not see your tax increase by a single dime, not your income taxes, not your payroll taxes, not your capital gains taxes, nothing. If you make over $250,000, you will not see your taxes increase by a single dime. That's a lock. That one's going to happen. Well, I think the whole thing will be, you know, I promised that I'm not going to raise your taxes by a single dime and they're going to go up about 100,000 dimes. So -- no, I'm just -- he says he's going to dramatically simplify tax filing so that millions of Americans will now be able to do their taxes in less than five minutes. I like to call that a flat tax, but not Barack Obama. I think what he's going to say is, Look, now you can either try and find deductions or just pay this simplified rate, right here. It's 50 percent. Isn't that easy? How simple that -- he's always looking out for you, kid, yeah! We have Jim on the phone. Yes, Jim. Go ahead.
Caller: Hi, Glenn. I'm listening to you. It's very interesting about his campaign proposals. Listen, even he's talking about a lot about tax credits and I'm wondering if I would qualify for one because I'm in middle of reading the Christmas Sweater and I really need some extra money for Zoloft, Celexa, and Paxil and --
Glenn: See, I just don't think that that really is necessary. He says he's going to give American businesses a $3,000 tax credit for every job they create in the U.S. I think that's fantastic, especially with the unions coming. $3,000 tax cut? What he's going to say is now, finally, all those people who aren't hiring somebody because of a $60 a week difference can hire somebody, with all that extra money. Shouldn't you give some to the unions or to the DNC? Really? I can't wait for -- 3,000 -- Stu, how many jobs can we create with that $3,000 tax credit? That's $60 a week for companies.
Stu: The problem is going to be office space because we're just going to fill the entire place up.
Glenn: He says he's going to eliminate capital gains taxes for small businesses and start-up companies. We can't -- do you know what? We can't do that because our other policies have turned so many big businesses into small ones. Now we just can't afford to do that. Eliminate income taxes for seniors making under $50,000. I think the response will be: Luckily our health care plan is going to eliminate most seniors. Stu, you think this might be a little harsh? I mean, this is -- we're trying to bring people together, give them hope.
Stu: Well, again I think --
Glenn: I've got it.
Stu: Sow, you've got it?
Glenn: Seniors, you're going to meet Jesus soon. That's a happy thing. Don't you think?
Stu: Exactly. Who wouldn't want to meet J.C.? He's the man.
Glenn: You call him J.C.? He doesn't let me call him J.C.
Stu: We're kind of tight.
Glenn: He's still on the Call me Lord kind of thing.
Stu: I think after awhile you get kind of --
Stu: He'll come around.
Glenn: What's it like to be you? Then he wants to expand the child and dependent care tax credit and I think the response to that -- that one's going to happen because he's going to say, We're happy to make you dependent on the government. Even in the process of birthing children, we want to be right there. Can we cut the cord for you? No, no, no, no, never cut the cord. Expand the earned income tax credit. I believe Barack Obama's response will be, We feel kind of weird about this because you didn't really earn that money. We just allowed you to collect it, but that's just a technicality. Create a universal mortgage credit. I think the thinking here is if we encourage people to enter into contracts with companies that they can't honor, well, that will encourage companies to enter contracts with people who can't honor contracts. Everybody wins. Create a small business health tax credit. Translation: That's not really government health care if the government is just paying for it, negotiates prices, and telling businesses that they have to do it. It's completely different than universe sat health care. Provide a $500 make work pay tax credit to small businesses. I don't even -- provide a $500 make work tax credit to small businesses. I don't know what that means exactly, but I think that's part of the Obama universal raise program. You know, the bastard companies that are going out of business should be paying you more, obviously! By the way, two senators in Ohio -- I'm sorry -- two Congressmen in Ohio, it's my understanding that were fighting for DHL. One of them was in Ohio and Ohio was going to shut down their big plant, you know, the DHL -- I don't even know what it is, some sort of handling center and they were going to shut it down and Congress got involved ad tried to tell DHL you must keep these plants open because they were important to this guy's community. You must keep these plants open. DHL looked at him, we're going out of business, man. What are you talking about? Well, you're going to keep these plants open. Out of business! What part of that don't you under -- do you speak English here, because I could speak German. Do you speak English here? I mean, it's crazy. You will leave it open! We'll leave it open. People can walk through. Lots of space available very soon. We're DHL. Reggie
Caller: Hi, Glenn. I'm listening to your coverage of Obama's plans and it's very interesting. You mentioned universal health care. Do you have the details of that plan?
Glenn: No, I don't, Reggie.
Caller: Because I'm wondering if they cover testosterone injections because I'm reading The Christmas Sweater and all masculinity has been sucked out of my being.
Glenn: Let me go to the next one, provide a $1,000 emergency energy rebate to families. It's an emergency. We've got to do it. Quick! Don't even think! A thousand dollar emergency income rebate to families. I think Obama's response will be I'm happy to implement our emergency rebate plan, also known os our plan we announced when gas was $4 a gallon and electricity and natural gas weren't at six year lows, but we're stuck with it now. So we're going to -- it's an emergency. Energy, he said he would spend $15 billion a year on renewable sources of energy. I think Obama's requesting to say I'm just going to make this check directly out to Al Gore. By the way, did you see the New York Times editorial with Al Gore? Are -- the solutions to our economic problems are also the solutions to global warming. Oh, my gosh, what a coincidence. That's fantastic! I mean, Al, thank you, thank you for Internet, thank you for the solutions to not only saving the world but saving America.