GLENN: It's about the suicide of that teenager. Did you see this at all? Really the details are not that important, where he is, who he was, who the parents were, really not that important because I think when you look at this teenager, you don't see him. I think you see yourself, at least I saw me. Real quick detail so you know: Kid gets online and said "I'm going to kill myself." He sets up a web cam. People start coming to the web cam to see if he's going to kill himself. He says, I'm going to take a bunch of pills. He takes the pills. People are online chatting about it. He goes down, they watch him, and he dies. I'll give you the chat from it here in a minute. It's astounding, and it says something about us as a collective and so you have to decide who you are. But first let's see if we can see ourselves in this kid that killed himself.
To whom it may concern. I'm going to leave this from whoever struggles across my book marks later on. I hate myself and I hate living. I think if someone knows me reads this, they will know who I am. So I'll leave this unsigned. I'm an A-hole. I've let everyone down and I feel as though I'll never change or I'll never improve.
Do you see yourself there at all? Have you ever been there? I've been there. This rings so true to me because this kid is Eddie. These, almost these exact words, with an exception of A-hole, is in the Christmas Sweater. This is where I was and this is where so many Americans are today, and it's a lie. "I have let everyone down." That's true. Many -- forget it. All of us have let people down. All of us have gone through a day where we just keep making mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake. And then we follow it with another day where we just keep making the same choices. And inside we're like, "Why did I just do that? Why am I... oh." But we keep making them and before long it's just this gigantic wall of regret and mistakes, and we no longer can think that we can get past that wall. And then we start to think that we can never change and never improve. Another lie that almost caused my death.
"I'm in love with a girl and I know I'm not good enough for her." Another lie. "I've come to believe that my life has all been meaningless." Maybe, because of the choices that you made, but it can change the minute you decide it's not. He says, "I keep trying and I keep failing. I've thought about and attempted suicide many times in the past. I used to think of my failure in some mystical way of telling me that I really was meant for something meaningful." You are. "The only thing I dread besides the pain is the way my family will suffer." This is why I didn't kill myself, and I'm ashamed to say it but it was cowardess that saved my life. I was afraid of the pain. I was afraid of putting the gun in my mouth. I couldn't throw myself off a roof. That would freak me out. If I could have just gone to sleep. I don't know why I was too stupid to think of ODing on something, but I guess I was doing it in a way with all of the alcohol. "I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I thought that I would not be able to describe why I wanted to do this, and I'm right. There's no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every day." Oh, I remember waking up every day, oh, I just remember waking up every day. Every morning on the drive to work, I was in Louisville, Kentucky and I would drive 84 and there was a bridge abutment and it just had my name on it and I remember driving past it every day and I remember seeing it come around the corner and I remember saying to myself, "Dear God, today give me the strength just to plow my car into it," and I would step on the accelerator and, please today I'm just going to jam my car right into the bridge abutment. I hated, hated every single day, would just dread.
Again this is the note that this teenager that killed himself left behind over the weekend. "There's no way to tell you or anyone else I dreaded every new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give me every opportunity to improve upon myself, and I let him down. I think that I'm a major disappointment to him." How many of us have felt that way? Every single one of us I think at some point questions. We're just trying to live up to our parents or impress our parents or make somebody in our family just notice us because we think that they don't. "I have a job but I'm always broke and I'm in college, but I barely show up to class and that's about it. I want my life to end. I'm tired of screwing up everything. I'm tired of people always telling me that they don't like me. I'm tired of trying to be decent." How many of us are tired of just trying to do the right thing? How many of us will fatigue here as everyone else has bailed out and we're not because we lived our life the right way? "I'm tired of trying to be decent. I hope someone finds this post and I hope that my parents know that I screwed up and not them. It's my fault that I screwed up my own life. The hate rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or those who have crossed my path. This hate rages with full force towards me and only me." Oh, wow. Have you noticed how hate and despair is only really taking two forms. If it can't make you lash out at others and arm yourself and go into your school or your business and shoot everybody because you're so full of rage, that rage is turned on to you. It's you. But the key here is in both cases you're left without hope. In both cases you're left with, "It will never get better."
"You have touched my life in one way or another, especially those whom I call family. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I hope that you can find it in my heart to see it as a way for me not to suffer anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long." To me that is the key phrase, "For being at rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long." It is the reason why I am alive today and if it wasn't, if it wasn't for the true meaning of Christmas, I wouldn't be alive today.
I remember, I know the day, I can tell you what the room looked like, I could tell you who was standing in the room. I know the day that I finally said, "If you tell me that if I do these things, you'll take away all the guilt, all the things that I've done, all my past and you'll just wash them away, you've got to keep your promise because you're God. And if you don't, then you cease to exist because I for once will keep my word because I know if I don't, I will die." And it was life and death. And all I wanted, all I wanted, all the anguish, all the pain, all the -- everything was just that guilt that was constantly eating at me. I just wanted to go away.
"Please forgive me for taking my life so early. I tried so hard to fight against this strong battle. I've reached out for help so many times and yet I believe I was turned away because of the things that I did. That is the punishment I'm willing to take, for I know who I am and I have only brought myself and others pain." That's not who you are. That's a lie. You're not being punished. Your actions are punishing yourself. You are not being punished. What kind of dad punishes you? What kind of God punishes you for that? Your actions, the way the universe is designed, your actions cause another reaction. If you are making wrong choices, it happens automatically. He's not like, "Oh, well, I'm going to screw Eric." He's not doing that. You stop doing those actions, you pay for the actions that you have done in the past because you can't stop the universe. It's like trying to bail these banks out; you can't do it. You can't do it. They did these mistakes. These people got themselves into debt, they got themselves into the only -- there is no forgiveness of that kind of debt. You can't forget it. It's going to be shifted some place else. Somebody else, wow, somebody else is going to have to carry that burden. And I only know one time that has actually worked. It ain't gonna work in the financial system because, well, maybe he will show up and carry that burden. But he's not punishing you.
I've reached out for help so many times but I'm being punished. I know who I am. No, you don't. You're meant to be happy. You're meant to be complete. You're a powerful force. "I love you all and I will forever live within the memories recreated. Forgive me. Love always and forever." There is -- the mind is a powerful thing. As you think, it becomes everything, from a skyscraper that I'm looking at right now, I'm looking -- I can see the Empire State building. The top of the Empire State building was meant as a post for the Zeppelin to come in and dock and land. People would be deboard -- this was the plan -- deboard the Zeppelin and come down and land on top of the Empire State building. Man could actually fly across the ocean with trapped natural gas, gases that were here. They just sealed them up and said, "Hey, let's go across the ocean and we'll land on a building" that at the time was so remarkable, so huge that they named it a skyscraper because it was huge, it scraped the sky. That came from the imagination before that was built that was in somebody's head. And all they did was put it down to paper and then tell somebody else, "Hey, you know what we could do if we do this." And somebody else joined and said, "Oh, my gosh, you know what, if we did this, we could also make it stronger, we could make it bigger." Somebody else said, "Oh, my gosh, we could take that Zeppelin and we could dock it there." People dismiss the power of the mind. They dismiss the power of the imagination. As you think, will become. You create. You create everything in your world. The way you view the world is what you have created. Your happiness, your sadness, your pain. You create it. You can't change the things that happen to you, but you can change the way you look at them.
You know, I just saw a book that's coming out. It's a new book by Jon Huntsman. It's Winners Never Cheat but it's an updated, Winners Never Cheat Even in Difficult Times and it's a new edition. Jon Huntsman, he's a mentor to me and I just think he's an amazing man. I just, I could spend years sucking his brain dry and trying to learn everything that he knows. He is just an amazing man. But it was just right before I went on the air, I was just reading something that he said that is in his -- on his mother's tombstone. He says, "On my mother's tombstone are etched Shakespeare's immortal words, "Sweet are the uses of adversity." Wow. "Sweet are the uses of adversity." We can sit and look and say, my gosh, or we can realize that adversity is there for a reason. He said that his failures, he looked at some mystical thing as saying, "Well, you were destined for great things." You are. You are. I mean, I was in a fetal position ready to kill myself. This note could have been written by me in 1995. It could have been written for me in 1984. I had two serious bouts with Depression that went, and my mother committed suicide, my brother I lost to suicide. I understand it. I get it. If I would have gone then, I convinced myself, "Gee, I'm not good for anything; I just keep hurting people, everybody I meet, everything I touch." But then I learned from the mistakes and I dedicated myself to not make those mistakes, and I still make mistakes but I try to learn from them and try to change my -- and look. In that time I've had four glorious children. I have good friends. I don't know how much of an impact I've made, but I know a couple of lives that are different because I didn't die and better because of it. You are meant for great things. You and I, we may never be the President of the United States and the whole world may never know our name but it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter. But you've got to learn, well, the Lord just keeps giving you the same problems over and over again and until you give up and not give up like I'm going to take my own life, give up and say, "Okay, whatever, whatever. Whatever it is you want me to do. Whatever." And when you do, your whole life changes. When you do, it's so much easier. I've got to tell you, because then you can blame God for everything that goes wrong and you were like, hey, I wasn't steering, you were the one driving; you took me here. It's an amazing thing.