Glenn Beck: Cake or Pie?


A very young Glenn Beck shows his allegiance to cake (and future weight control issues)...

GLENN: Well, let's give it a shot. Hold on just a second. Let me go to -- oh, I'm not going to do that to Nathan. Nathan, you have -- if you listened to yesterday's show, you are appreciating that joke. Nathan, the Insiders, apparently there is some sort of controversy Stu has told me about.

CALLER: Yes. There is a war that has been brewing for weeks now and is tearing our community apart and we need to know which side you stand with.

GLENN: Okay.

CALLER: Is it cake or is it pie.

GLENN: I'm sorry. Hmmm?

CALLER: Is it cake or pie?

GLENN: This is the Insider Civil War?

CALLER: Yes.

GLENN: Cake or pie?

CALLER: Yes, it is tearing us to pieces.

GLENN: And what is the big controversy? I say yes.

CALLER: For cake or for pie?

GLENN: I can't have both?

CALLER: No. It has to be one or the other.

GLENN: No, it doesn't.

CALLER: Yes, it does.

GLENN: No, it doesn't. I went last night, I took my family out to a restaurant here in Seattle. It's called 13 Coins and it's a place my mother used to take me when I was a kid on very special occasions and so we finished The Christmas Sweater and I went and I took them and the guy was taking the order and he said, all right, what do you want. It's 3:00 a.m. eastern time to me and I'm looking and I said, I'm just going to have some hash browns and he said, "Okay, you want to hang with the hash browns? I said, peach cobbler. And he said, you want hash browns and peach cobbler? And I said, uh-huh. And do you have any ice cream? He said, okay, your order is hash browns, peach cobbler and ice cream? And I said, how's your, how's your apple tart? So no, it doesn't have to be one or the other. I mean, hey, it's America.

CALLER: Well, but between the two, which one do you prefer? Now, we have determined the cheesecake belongs to the pie family, if it helps.

GLENN: How did you, how did you -- 

CALLER: I have the definition here that says despite the name, cheesecake are technically tarts. That is open top pies. Therefore cheesecake is a pie. It has a crust.

GLENN: Well, then it should be a cheese tart. No, they have cheese tarts. Cheese tarts suck.

CALLER: Well, but it's not about tarts per se. It's about cake or pie.

GLENN: But you just said that cheesecake is technically a tart.

CALLER: But it's in the pie family. So it's still technically a pie.

STU: Will you make a decision, you flip-flopper? Just say one.

CALLER: Well, you say one.


STU: I say cake! I say cake! I'm going to take a stand!

CALLER: Boo!

STU: Cake!

CALLER: Pie!

GLENN: You know what, it's got to be pie because there's too many options with pie.

CALLER: See, thank you.

STU: There's no options with cake. Cake just has one flavor.

GLENN: No, it's vanilla, chocolate. Go deeper.

STU: Strawberry short.

DAN: Ice cream cake with the crunchy stuff in the middle.

GLENN: That would be -- I believe ice cream -- excuse me. I believe ice cream cake would be probably in the torte family if cheesecake -- yes, if cheesecake is in the torte family, in the pie family, then ice cream cake would be in the pie family.

STU: Cupcakes. Hello? Coffeecakes.

CALLER: With cheesecake, that's all there is to it.

GLENN: Cupcakes, that's like putting a different category for doughnut holes. They're doughnuts! Cupcakes are not a crazy -- you know what that is? That's just to make you feel better about, than standing there and eating, you know, a whole cake.

STU: Yes. When does pie do anything like that for you? Cake is trying to make you feel better. What has pie got -- 

GLENN: Pie liberates you.

STU: No, it does not. It's fruit flavored!

GLENN: Pie is not trying to live -- pie is not trying to live a lie. By giving you a little bit of cupcake and going, "Oh, you can feel good about yourself, fatty fat fatso." Pie says, "You want a big slice of me? Come and get me!"

STU: Is that what pie does when it fills it with fruit flavoring filled with all sorts of vitamins and nutrients? They are not trying to send some secret message there? Is that what they're doing?

GLENN: No, no, no. You know why? Because it's covered in sugar.

STU: It's covered in icing. Cake gets icing. It's liquid sugar! It's so much better than pie.

GLENN: Sorry. Stu's wrong. That's why he's the producer of the program, at least until tomorrow at 12:00. Hey, Stu, by the way.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Stop by my office tomorrow afternoon, will you? And just for no apparent reason whatsoever, bring a box.

STU: Are you making me a pie?

GLENN: Yes, I am.

STU: Oh.

GLENN: Hey, and bring in some of those pictures that you have on your desk, just bring them with you. Anyway, so I'm going to go with pie, Nathan, all right?

CALLER: Thank you.

GLENN: You're welcome, brother. It's the kind of big problems we solve here on this program. Yeah, we do it daily.

On Thursday's radio program, Grace Smith and her father, Andy, joined Glenn Beck on the phone and provided a first-hand account of Grace's refusal to wear a mask at school.

Smith, 16, began a maskless protest after her school district in Laramie, Wyoming, decided to implement a mask mandate. As a result, Grace received three suspensions, was issued two $500-citations, and was eventually arrested.

"How long were you in jail?" Glenn asked.

Grace said was taken to jail but was never booked nor was she was placed in a jail cell.

Glenn commended Grace's father, Andy, for raising such a "great citizen" and asked if it was Grace's idea to protest. Andy said it was Grace's idea, explaining that they took the position of arguing on the grounds of civil rights rather than the efficacy of wearing a mask.

Grace has since withdrawn from public school and started a home school program. She also told Glenn that she will continue to fight the school district, legally.

You can donate to Grace's legal fund here.

To hear more from this conversation click here.

Disclaimer: The content of this clip does not provide medical advice. Please seek the advice of local health officials for any COVID-19 and/or COVID vaccine related questions & concerns.

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It seems the Left wants a civil war and some on the Right want a national divorce. The country is split right now unlike anything Glenn Beck has ever witnessed. There are two sides: Those who want to fundamentally change this country and those who believe in KEEPING the experiment of liberty that the Founding Founders intended.

The ideological gap seems impossible to cross, but Glenn explains why he won't secede. David Reaboi, Claremont Institute senior fellow and author of "National Divorce Is Expensive, but It's Worth Every Penny," tells Glenn why a national breakup is not an impossibility just because it will be difficult.

What can we do to fight back … peacefully? How can the states that still believe in the Constitution create pockets of freedom in the shadow of tyranny? On his Wednesday night special this week, Glenn answers that and provides a road map to preserving what the Left is trying to destroy.

Finally, James Simpson, author of "Who Was Karl Marx? The Men, the Motives and the Menace Behind Today's Rampaging American Left," provides solutions on the issues the "red states" must unite around before Left and Right America officially call it quits.

Watch the full episode of "Glenn TV" below:

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To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

An Afghan interpreter who helped save then-Sen. Joe Biden's life in 2008 was among those stranded in Afghanistan after Biden's troop withdrawal. He has now escaped the country with his family, but not with President Biden's help.

Thanks to private organizations, including The Nazarene Fund, the interpreter and his family have now been rescued.

Watch the video clip below to hear Glenn Beck share the details:

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To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

A shocking new report by The Daily Wire reveals that the furious father whose arrest at a school board meeting likely sparked the call for the FBI to investigate anti-CRT parents like domestic terrorists was furious for good reasons: The Loudoun County School Board allegedly tried to cover up his daughter's rape.

Rep. Chris Stewart (R-Utah) joined Glenn Beck on the radio program Tuesday to discuss the incident and explain why he joined 60 lawmakers in a letter to Attorney General Merrick Garland demanding answers for why the FBI is targeting parents.

"We want to know ... what kind of coordination took place between the White House, activist groups and teachers unions, and the Department of Justice," Stewart told Glenn. "Because we have evidence that there was [coordination] and, in fact, that the White House are the ones who initiated this. They asked for these activist groups to write this inflammatory letter to the Department of Justice saying they were 'intimidated' and that they 'felt threatened', giving the Department of Justice Attorney General Garland, the excuse to say, 'Okay, well, we have to respond'."

Stewart went on to say he believes the federal government would only involve the FBI in such an issue if its purpose is to silence and intimidate parents concerned about the "poison" being taught to their kids in school. So, what can he and the other representatives who disagree with the Biden administration's overreach of power do to stop it?

Watch the video clip below to hear Stewart explain:

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To enjoy more of Glenn's masterful storytelling, thought-provoking analysis and uncanny ability to make sense of the chaos, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.