GLENN BECK PROGRAM
GLENN: I don't know if I can do it because I know the answer! I know the answer who the person of the year is going to be. Come on! Who could Time magazine appoint person of the year? Who is it going to be? You know the answer. There's only one possibility. Come on. Say it with me. Al Gore.
You know it's going to be Al Gore. It's going to be Al Gore, it's going to be, who is it Brian Williams nominated? Oh, this makes me want to vomit. Brian Williams, veteran journalist. Of course, he has a really good sense of humor. So maybe he was joking. Brian Williams said, my nominee for 2007 person of the year is a woman, a woman with a history of abuse, a woman who's never run for elective office, someone we all know, someone who makes her presence known on a daily basis in all of our lives and for my money is better than any male alternative. That woman is Mother Earth. You've got to go kidding me, right? This is Brian Williams saying this? "A woman who has a history of abuse." Yeah, she's been vomiting hot lava on people forever. Oh, he meant the other way around. "She's never run for elective office." No. "Someone we all know, makes her presence known on a daily basis." Yeah. Yeah, by earthquakes. "For my money, better than any male alternative." We don't have another choice now, do we, Brian? I've got to tell you, if Father Earth put up a little parallel Earth some place else, I might want to check it out. I want to see what the dude's got going on. You know what I'm saying? Might make a little more sense on that planet.
Go ahead and print it....
You know it's going to be something -- I hate those copouts, too. Mother Earth. Oh. Who did they nominate last year? Oh, I remember. You. You're the person of the year because you buy a lot of crap on the Internet. So you're important. Yes, you are. You are! And now Mother Earth. Could we get some actual people involved? I hate to break it to you, but it's called the person of the year, not the thing of the year, not the planet of the year. And I got news for you. I think the planet of the year should be Saturn. Got a lot of cool rings and stuff, unless that's Uranus. I just wanted to say that on the air (laughing) because I'm 12! Person of the year, Mother Earth. Brian Williams, it makes me want to never watch you again, not that I am watching you because I don't notice when I stop watching you but I ain't watching you, but that's a different story. I can threaten it! And I like Brian Williams, too. He's funny... looking! And I said Uranus!
Aretha Franklin says, there are a number of people who truly deserve this award. However, Bill Cosby is my selection. Wait a minute, hold it. This one might make sense. Bill Cosby is my selection because of his work and involvement in the crisis of the African-American community. Bill's objectives are to alleviate some of the problems and issues facing the community today. Yes! Holy cow. He truly represents a universality and global brotherhood -- oh, can we stop with the global talk? In his heart and soul he cares deeply about people. Aretha, R-E-S-P-E-C-T yeah, right back at you, Retha.
John Kerry, Democratic senator from Massachusetts who ran for President against George W. Bush -- that's the way they said it, too. This is Time magazine. This is their deal: John Kerry, Democratic senator from Massachusetts who ran for President against George W. Bush in 2004. If this was Fusion magazine, it would say, John Kerry, Democratic senator from Massachusetts who ran for President against George W. Bush in 2004... and lost. (Laughing) Uranus. (Laughing). He said, I nominate Marine Lance Corporal James Crosby because it's the most politically correct thing I could possibly do -- I'm sorry, he didn't write that. I nominate Marine Lance Corporal James Crosby, outreach coordinator for the Massachusetts Department of Veterans Services, who reminds us what it means to keep faith with our brothers and sisters in arms. Even those brothers and sisters who maimed, tortured, put electrodes and bare wires on genitalia in the fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan. What a pile of dog crap that is.
Three years ago, a rocket attack in Iraq left James with a spinal-cord injury that put him in a wheelchair, but his spirit endures, and he carries on as an inspiration to a new generation of vets.
Uh-huh. Thanks, John. Me think you've been nipping at the catsup bottle a little too much.
Stephen King says -- that's the way they describe him. Stephen King, the author of more than 50 best selling novels, some of which have become feature films. It's Stephen King. Do I really have to put what he does after it? It's like, Jesus, who saved many, was also the Messiah. I mean, I think we get it. It's Stephen King, freak boy. He nominates, and see if anybody understands this one. He nominates Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. They symbolize the media's growing obsession with issues of personality over substance. People care more about the details of Spears' child-custody case than they do about where the billions the U.S. government has poured into Iraq have gone. I'll tell you where they've gone. Into Uranus! (Laughing.) That one didn't really work. It was not really a double meaning there. It really meant that it was in Stephen King's butt. So I apologize for that.
Who wants to -- Stu?
GLENN: Who's it going to be, person of the year? By the way, we've got to do person of the year from hereon out. Our January issue of Fusion magazine needs to be person of the year.
STU: Well, you just want to copy Time essentially?
GLENN: Yeah, except we'll put the right person on.
STU: I kind of like that idea. An alternative person of the year.
GLENN: Pardon me?
STU: An alternative person of the year.
GLENN: No, it won't be an alternative, not be an alternative person.
STU: It will be alternative to what they name.
GLENN: Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I thought you meant somebody who was like, oh, yeah, this is great. Global warming.
STU: No, I don't think that's what it's going to be but that is what, of course, the Time person of the year is going to be, either Al Gore or Mother Earth or something of that nature.
GLENN: Can you think of anybody else?
STU: You know what a legitimate recommendation from me? General Petraeus. You've got a guy who, the surge is --
GLENN: You mean the guy who betrayed the United States of America?
STU: Well, for two reasons. I mean, obviously the surge turning around, you know, whatever, this incredible amount of improvement that has happened in the war but also he has been a big, you know, not by his intent at all but been a big political thing with the whole -- with the ads attacking him and everything else. That was another big story this year. That would be a really good one. They are never going to do it.
GLENN: No. See, here. Stu?
GLENN: He would have to beat out Mother Earth and Al Gore. Has Petraeus ever won a Nobel Peace Prize? No. Why? Part of the industrial complex, the military industrial complex.
STU: I just don't think that --
GLENN: No, no.
STU: I just think he is trying to --
GLENN: No, I don't want to hear that Al Gore was part of the administration that, you know, said that regime change has to be our policy.
STU: Well, he was only the second in command of that. He was only the vice --
GLENN: I don't think it's necessary to --
STU: And he is also the vice president with the Kyoto Treaty and they didn't ratify it.
GLENN: I got it, but let's not talk about it. Let's forget about all that.
STU: But I think it's important to --
GLENN: So Dan, who do you think it's going to be?
DAN: Glenn, just hit me. This is another big contender here in the eyes of Time. The undocumented worker.
GLENN: Ooh! That's good.
STU: I can see that.
GLENN: Yeah. All right, help me out on this one. It's got to be Al Gore. You don't win a Grammy, an Oscar, a Nobel Prize, visit the White House -- what else? What else has he done? Made a slide show, you don't have all those awards based on that slide show and not become person of the year unless you're conservative.
STU: Yeah, exactly. It's such a friendly thing, too. I mean, it just seems it's going to be obvious. I mean, they do tend to put -- they had, 2006 was you, as you said, which is just ridiculous. 2005 --
GLENN: I want to thank Time for that honor and I just want to point out to Al Gore that I was the person of the year before he was.
STU: Or at least at the same time because I think you would include him.
GLENN: It didn't say him. It said you.
STU: Yeah, but he also did create the Internet and it was about the information age. You would think that he would be included in that. I'm just saying. George Bush has won it twice.