VOICE: The Glenn Beck program presents Spotlight on Science.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: We'll restore science to its rightful place.
VOICE: A series dedicated to President Obama for everything science.
GLENN: That's right. You know, this program has won all kinds of awards and medals and everything, statues, and we just, we were just presented the Swedish black hole award, which was great, but it sucked all the presenters right into the award which was kind of tragic. You would think the scientists would have figured that one out. But let's not get bogged down in those facts. You know, most people, we do this segment because most people who listen are, you know, conservative or common sense and they don't understand all this crazy science thing that Obama was talking about. So every day at this time we'll help the President fix science back into her rightful place.
For example, there are too many Canadian geese in states like Connecticut. Wait a minute, hang on just a second. Canadian geese, aren't those the ones that were sucked into that airplane just -- let's not get sidetracked on that. Let's just stay to the facts. Too many Canadian geese in states like Connecticut. Estimates are -- scientific estimates -- 40,000 Canadian geese in the state, primarily in the Southwestern region, which would be where all the airports are. They have the perfect combination of foraging food, nesting and covering habitat in the state. They also don't have many natural predators left in Connecticut. This is where science steps in and creates a predator. Scientists are now recommending, well, not just murdering the geese. I mean, that's what simple minded people -- you and I, we just go grab a shotgun. Let's go have some geese! No, it's, we need science to help us on that. So is the science-approved method of controlling the geese population in the state of Connecticut? Local environmental activists are urging local residents, especially those with waterfront property, to do their part in controlling the geese population through geese family planning, quote/unquote. Not only is family planning an economic stimulus we learned last week from President Obama, it's also the right way to control geese. How are you to help out with family planning of geese? No, no, Mr. Unscientific, not little tiny geese condoms but here's what you need to do. According to science... to reduce their long-term growth rate, you need to locate their nests and oil their eggs. This is what they are asking now in the State of Connecticut for citizens to do, especially those with waterfront property. You locate their nests and oil their eggs. How do you oil geese eggs? One, register with the Fish and Wildlife Service; two, get permission of any private property owners; three, get an approved scientist. I think we have to use the Yellow Pages for that one. Four, bring a dog to scare away the geese; five, try the float test. If an egg submerged in water sinks, it means it's been incubated for less than 13 days and the chick has not matured. So the egg is allowed to be oiled. If the egg floats -- I think then what's inside of the egg is a witch and you have to burn it at the stake. Oh, no, I'm sorry! Sorry, that was just me, the crazy unscientific conservative figuring, there goes my nonscience again. The real answer, of course, is forced geese abortion. How? You bring a spray bottle filled with corn oil. Then you spray it all over the egg. Remember, quoting, it only takes a small amount of oil to prevent the gases from diffusing through the pores of the egg which will cause the embryo to die of asphyxiation. Once you've murdered the embryo -- I'm sorry, not being scientific again. Once you have frozen the embryo to death, you will officially be a scientist!
VOICE: You've been listening to Spotlight on Science, exclusively heard on the Glenn Beck program. America's number one source for science and science-related items.
GLENN: Man, I am so glad, I am so glad that we are finally going to fix science back in her rightful place. Thank you, President Obama.