GLENN BECK PROGRAM
BECK: VOICE: Coming soon to theatres everywhere, GI Joe finally hits the big screen. And he's fighting the evil enemy that people today are most scared of, double crossing Scottish arms dealers. Plus, this time he's not American. He's international. GI Joe. "Sir, can I shoot back?" "Negative, son, you must wait to be engaged by the enemy." "I'm pretty sure I just got shot in the [ BLEEP ], sir." "Well, they may be avid skeet shooters." GI Joe, which now stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity will fight the enemy and will fight a new set of hard to follow international rules of engagement. "Okay, sir, should I shoot now? The guy's trying to stab me with his bayonet and he seems pretty pissed." "He's probably trying to sharpen his bayonet and your helmet." GI Joe like you've never seen before. "Sir, may I please respond? I've taken 40 rounds." "Affirmative, soldier, it is time to respond with extreme prejudice. I want you to put your gun down, call the UN and have them draft a harshly worded letter. We're going to sanction their [ BLEEP ]." It's GI Joe goes international. Absolutely no terrorists were harmed during the filming of this movie.
It's G.I. Joe gate for toy company Hasbro and movie giant Paramount as they move to change the 'Real American Hero' to an international entity. People have not reacted kindly to the blatant disregard for a WWII Medal of Honor recipient, so Hasbro went on damage control. Here is their lame explanation that has Glenn still saying he won't buy toys from Hasbro.
BECK: It's the GI Joe theme!
VOICE: Fight for freedom wherever there's trouble, GI Joe is there!
BECK: American hero? Hold it.
VOICE: GI Joe, Cobra the enemy, fighting to save the day. He's always there, fighting for freedom over land and air. GI Joe, GI Joe is there. GI Joe is the code name for America's daring highly trained special mission force. Its purpose, to defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined
BECK: All right, stop, stop, stop, my gosh, you are playing the old theme. I thought I heard "A real American hero" there but then when I heard the hatemongering positioning of an American soldier, an elite team, you know, of Americans that are protecting and defending freedom against this terrorist organization, I thought, oh, my gosh, what are we living in, the 1920s? I mean, we've grown so much since then. Can we at least play the new GI Joe international theme, please?
VOICE: Yo, Joe! He'll send a letter wherever there's trouble, GI Joe is there! GI Joe, international hero, GI Joe is there. It's GI Joe, bargaining with the enemy, talking to save the day. He never succeeds, he always fails. Your coffin, he's the final nail. GI Joe, international hero, GI Joe is there. GI Joe is the code name for the United Nations cavalry minimally trained special discussion force. Its purpose, to defend the human freedom of Cobra, an unfairly categorized terrorist organization determined to be properly understood. He'll never give up because he'll never start. It just would not be fair. GI Joe, international zero.
BECK: There we go.
VOICE: GI Joe.
BECK: Oh, I love that international discussion force. I do. And I think we need to engage in that more and teach our children it's the right way to go with a big hunk of plastic from Hasbro which, by the way, I understand there's a statement out from Hasbro? They're starting to feel some heat?
STU: Yeah, we actually got an e mail from a listener who thought was about to drive off the road because they were a big GI Joe fan from a kid and very upset but they found this statement from Hasbro and now they're okay. So they're like, luckily everything you said was wrong, luckily.
BECK: Oh, okay. That's what Hasbro said?
STU: This is what the listener said.
BECK: Listener said, luckily.
STU: This is the statement they referred me to. Hasbro's GI Joe team wanted to take this opportunity to clarify some of the facts ragged the GI Joe live action movie that we are propping with Paramount Pictures. First and foremost we are not changing what the GI Joe brand is about. The
BECK: Wait, wait. GI it's not changing it, defending freedom. Defending freedom.
STU: We're not changing what it's about.
BECK: Okay, go ahead.
STU: The name GI Joe will always be synonymous with bravery and heroism.
BECK: Listen to this. This is Hillary Clinton working for Hasbro.
STU: This is pretty irritating because it's real American hero. That's what everyone's upset about.
BECK: Real American hero, but it's now GI Joe instead of government issue is Global Integrated Joint Operation Entity. Come on, man. That's not GI Joe.
STU: They go on to say the GI Joe brand enjoyed a successful 43 year history spanning two key generations. The first was 1960s and 1970s which were more realistic. Then the second generation was created in 1982 and is based on fictional heroes versus Cobra fantasy.
BECK: This was a terrorist organization.
STU: The premise of this fantasy is the story of the GI Joe theme led by Duke and their fight for freedom wherever there's trouble they are quoting the theme song, against the evil Cobra commander and his Cobra force. This story line was an instant hit in the 1980s.
BECK: Hold it. Again they left out the terrorist force. Cobra no, it's against the terrorist force. That's what Cobra, that's what it said in the theme song just now.
STU: Yes, a terrorist organization that would stop at nothing to rule the world.
STU: This movie will be a modern telling of the GI Joe versus Cobra story line and its compelling characters that Hasbro created 25 years ago. The GI Joe team will not be based in Brussels. Because there was an earlier report that said that.
BECK: They changed it to the UN.
STU: It said instead they will be based out of the pit as they were throughout the 1980s comic book series and in keeping with the GI Joe versus Cobra fantasy, the movie will feature characters and locations from around the world. See, it's the same thing.
BECK: Same thing.
STU: They just
BECK: I for some reason still don't want to buy anything Hasbro and nor will I buy anything Hasbro for my son. Nope.
STU: You've got to believe that if
STU: They've got to know that it was real American hero is the big controversy and they do not at all address it through the entire press release.
BECK: No Hasbro for me, but thank you. And thanks for playing our game, Hasbro.
STU: Again they will continue to embody the values of bravery and heroism.