GLENN BECK PROGRAM
GLENN: Comrade! Comrade!
STU: Yes, comrade!
GLENN: Good news from the Western front!
STU: Oh, what is it, comrade Glenn?
GLENN: Charlie Rangel.
STU: I love Charlie Rangel.
GLENN: He's bringing us closer and closer to our dreams of a socialist nation!
STU: A socialist Republic, Glenn.
Related News Story:
GLENN: We have -- do we have Stephen Moore on yet? Stephen Moore, he's one of the brightest economic guys. He was for -- he started -- oh, what's it?
STU: Club For Growth?
GLENN: Club For Growth.
STU: Oh, those evil, evil people at Club For Growth, comrade.
GLENN: You know, if we could just stop the growth of this nation, we would be set, wouldn't we? Be great. I love these environmentalists who are like, yeah, and if we could just go back to candlepower, we would be set! Oh, I don't know about you, but those damn refrigerators, oh, they're such a pain in the neck.
STU: We need state-run and created refrigerators that will keep everything at a cool 61.
GLENN: Well, if it's like 58 outside.
STU: Right. And, you know, the good thing is --
GLENN: If you are in Arizona, it will always be like 110 in your refrigerator but that milk be sweet, man.
STU: Comrade, that's not a problem in Siberia.
GLENN: That's right! And if you like your milk cold, maybe that's where we should send you, to Siberia!
Hang on. Stop the music for a second. Stu, we need to find a Siberia. If we're going to do comrade updates, news from the Western front, we've got to have a Siberia that we could send people to.
STU: Well, we've got -- Alaska's cold but it's too pretty to be Siberia.
GLENN: I'm thinking more of Washington D.C.
STU: Detroit would be perfect.
GLENN: It would be great, wouldn't it?
STU: Oh, yes.
GLENN: You could warm your hands with the burning buildings and stuff.
STU: It's getting about as empty as Siberia is, too.
GLENN: It's great. And it's cold there. Is it cold there once in a while?
STU: It is cold there.
GLENN: It's in Michigan, right?
STU: I believe it is still in Michigan.
GLENN: It's still in Michigan.
STU: That's fantastic. You are a geography professional.
GLENN: Uh-huh. Shall we make Detroit?
STU: We could but the problem here is that --
GLENN: Are there any good places in Detroit?
GLENN: Not in Detroit. No, there's not. There's not a good place in Detroit.
STU: I was just in Detroit. It's very nice.
GLENN: You were at the airport. You know why? Because people are happy because they're leaving Detroit.
STU: Actually, Glenn, the Detroit airport is interesting because one side of it is called by the residents "Moscow," the Moscow airport because one side of it is brand-new and perfect and the other side of it is just this like, it was, like, built by the Soviet Union in 1950. So you get to see the two sides of --
GLENN: Nothing better.
STU: And there's nothing better than that.
GLENN: Nothing better than that. Cold concrete, I love that. It's beautiful, comrade.
Oh, wait. We have one more comrade update.
STU: Comrade Glenn!
GLENN: Yes, comrade!
STU: Glenn, all around this world people are buying Che Guevara T-shirts and we love that, comrade.
GLENN: You know what's great about Che Guevara is he's, like, personally responsible for executing 50 people with his own hands.
STU: At least.
GLENN: Well, I mean the ones we know positively happened in the middle of the night.
GLENN: You know in that prison, that Lynne Stewart would tell you he had to have.
STU: He had to have that, comrade.
GLENN: He had to have people that were dissenting. It's like Stalin. Okay, so 50 million people disagreed. What are you going to do?
STU: None of them disagree now. None of them disagree now.
GLENN: None of them. They are all in agreeance now.
STU: Well, the one thing we have to fix about those T-shirts is they apparently are charging people a price for them and getting a profit, which we immediate to make sure that stops right away, comrade. But there is a little bit more going on. There is an auction which I -- I hope it all goes to the state.
GLENN: An auction?
STU: Yes. $100,000 is the starting bid for a 3-inch lock of hair from Che Guevara.
GLENN: Nice. What the hell is wrong with us? What the hell is wrong with us?
STU: You know no communist can have enough money to win the auction.
GLENN: Wait a minute, wait a minute! If I had a lock of his hair, maybe I could, I don't know, put it in a Petri dish with some bleach or something and have it break down so I could make some new little baby Ches.
STU: Like a communist Jurassic park?
GLENN: Hey, wait a minute. I just thought of something. If I was making babe Ches and I'm thinking Che as in plural, are those those chairs that you sit out -- you sit on the chaise? Is that what it's from? Because if that's what he's responsible for, I kind of like him.
STU: Quote him.
GLENN: I say we should make babe Ches. Think of how many -- think about how many different lines we could have of merchandise if we could just make more Ches.
STU: And these Ches unfortunately will eventually kill 50 of your family members.