|2 Mice Carrying Plague Disappear From New Jersey Lab|
VOICE: The Glenn Beck program presents Spotlight on Science.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: We'll restore science to its rightful place.
VOICE: A series dedicated to President Obama's passion for everything science.
GLENN: Yes, the WE Surround Them project is really not -- okay, it does have nine principles and twelve values. You can find them at the website. Then I ask you to pass them on to your friends, talk about them with your family and then join us on Friday, March 13th on television for a special. All the details at GlennBeck.com. But it doesn't get any more complex than that really. I mean, you're science-minded, are you not? I mean, we have to put science back in her rightful place. Our fearless leader Barack Obama told us. He's working on science and that's why he's got $120 billion of the stimulus cash dedicated to science! And why not give them all the money? I mean, it's going to go toward helping great projects like this one, where scientists are doing some important studies on mice in Newark, New Jersey. Plague-infected mice missing now from a New Jersey research lab. When I first read that I thought, you don't suppose they mean the plague, do you? I mean, maybe it's like another plague like that nasty orange Grove plague of 1947, not the one that earned the nickname Black Death, right, contributed to nearly 240 million people, not that one that started with mice and rats, right? Can't be. I mean, who would be stupid enough to lose mice infected with the plague? Don't answer that question. The frozen remains of two mice infected with the bubonic plague are missing from a New Jersey bioterror research facility and the facility waited seven weeks to report the incident to federal and state authorities. Oh, they only waited seven weeks. I mean, I know the trail was already cold because they were frozen. But could we maybe have gotten somebody on the horn? Hey, get the Feds on the blower real quick, will you? We got the mice missing. At first I thought the mice had escaped. I thought it was something like bioterror habitrail and something happened and one of the pipes broke and they, you know, scurried into -- they're frozen mice. What happened? Who got them out of the freezer ?
Okay, so let's just get this right. It is the plague. They are a bioterror research facility acknowledged they waited seven weeks to report the missing plague mice. I mean, I hate to point this out but these guys are researching this with a foundation in terror. Shouldn't you of all people have a little more sense of urgency or dare I say it terror in the matter?
Officials with the University of Medicine and Dentistry -- why am I going to an expert at the University of Medicine and Dentistry in New Jersey in Newark, where the remains went missing -- why do we have a bioterror lab with bubonic plague-frozen mice at a dentistry university! FBI officials and officials with the University of Medicine and Dentistry said the missing mice pose no public health threat. I'm fine. Makes me feel better after all. It's a scientist telling me he's okay. In other words, not as much as a dentist but they won't wear lab coats. And scientists have never, ever been wrong. This, by the way, is the same facility where three live plague-infected mice went missing in September 2005 and, see, nothing happened that time, except more mice seem to be missing now.
Could we maybe fix the problem with the missing plague mice? I mean, I'm not a scientist but I am a thinker. You might want to keep a closer eye on the plague mice. I'm just saying. Kind of a good rule of thumb: Keep the mice with the plague locked up, maybe in a freezer with a lock. I don't know. I'm not a scientist, but I'm just skippy, I'm just supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy inside because the same scientists who couldn't keep the plague mice in a jar have concluded that the mice are dead from that time. Problem solved. Glad the mystery is over. Thank you, scientists. But what about the latest missing mice? Was it a janitor that was like, "I just thought these mice just crawled into the freezer next to the tater tots. I was just throwing them away. No big deal." Who went into the freezer and removed -- may I just say it? I know we're all thinking it. Scooby Doo, where are you? "The frozen mice were noted missing when an animal care supervisor went to prepare them for sterilization and incineration." That happens every time. You know some scientist with the munchies rivaling through the freezer can't resist those plague mice. That's some good eatin' there. You know what I'm saying? University officials, you know the dental school, think the remains were incinerated earlier but there is no record of that. Well, they are probably busy. Why write down every infected plague mouse that you incinerate. I did it, I think, I'm pretty sure. I leave it in my pocket. By the way, I think that missing dead plague mice are a lot worse than the live plague mice that went missing. Maybe that's just me. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think -- I mean, I'm just having to -- I live in a world now where I have to prioritize my plague mice, you know. Generally my rule of thumb is plague mice, bad in any form. But if the plague mice were already dead, you know, that means with near scientific certainty that the mice were incinerated or stolen, you know. It's worse than the habit rail thing that I -- you know, one night they're like, "Hey, hey, plague nice, come here. Come on. I'm tired of this habitrail. When you've got the beautiful City of Newark right there, come on. No, no, (coughing), I've got a cough and a wheeze and I've got the sniffles. I'm going to stay here." "Come on, chicken, let's go! It's Newark, New Jersey!" I mean, why else would somebody want to steal a dead mouse with the plague other than to use it for harm? Is there anybody that's like, "You know what, this is so cool. It's a collector's item. It's a plague mouse." I'm not a plague mouse scientist or a dentist, so I wouldn't know. But, you know, maybe we just release some giant plague snake and put him out in Newark, New Jersey, you know? Somebody who's like, "Hmmm, some big boa constrictor or something that's just like, man, what's that I smell? I have this thing for plague mice?" And he can just sniff them out and eat them. But let's make sure we put one of those tracking devices on the plague snake.
VOICE: You've been listening to Spotlight on Science, exclusively heard on the Glenn Beck program, America's number one source for science and science-related items.
STU: Glenn, can I --
GLENN: No, uh-uh.
STU: May I just --
GLENN: We don't need --
STU: I just need to ask one --
GLENN: They're fine. They incinerated the plague mice.
STU: I'm sure they did but this is just a recommendation for future science.
STU: You're going to be inserting let's say the bubonic plague into an animal.
GLENN: We're pretty sure that's what happened. It was like somebody probably said, "What did I do with the bubonic plague?" And then somebody said, "I just inserted it into some mice."
STU: And this is very important bioresearch. But when you have -- let's say there's rats on the loose that have this bubonic plague. Aren't you kind of making it double scary that they're rats? Because you've got bubonic plague could be running around in an animal but does it have to be a scary, creepy animal?
GLENN: No, it's mice. It's mice. Mice are not rats.
STU: What I'm saying is --
GLENN: Mice are cute. Rats are --
STU: Not when you've got a flood of them.
GLENN: I don't think we really want the bubonic plague kitty cats.
STU: What I'm saying is cute little puppies with floppy ears, when they've got the bubonic plague, it's okay to at least die happy. You know what I mean? At least there's something to bring you joy as you die from the bubonic plague.
GLENN: That puppy, I looked at him, was so cute before my eyes started to bleed. "Ring around the Rosie."
STU: You can't be mad at a puppy. You'll never be upset when a puppy is looking your face even when there's bubonic plague being transferred.
GLENN: And people will keep an eye out for that puppy, too. If they have a picture and they're like, "Missing, this six-week-old puppy." And everybody would go, "Look how cute, look how cute he is." And then you look, "Look at that cute little puppy right there." You go get it.
STU: Right. It just seems like their current philosophy is bad. Like if they're going to start with, like, bubonic plague tarantulas, if you just released a flood of them, that would be terrible.
GLENN: I personally think that we should only inject the bubonic plague or things like this in very large animals.
STU: Like elephants?
GLENN: Yeah. Because if an elephant escapes, you know what I mean?
GLENN: You pretty much can find it. You're like, nobody's like, "Oh, jeez, what happened to the elephant?" People are immediate -- once you are in the lab and you're like, "The elephant's gone!"
GLENN: There are phone calls coming in all over, "There's a giant elephant!" So you need like the elephant.
STU: And you can't break into a lab and steal a frozen elephant. It's impossible.
GLENN: No. You never say, "I'm pretty sure I incinerated that he will fan. You know."
STU: You know.
GLENN: It took you all day to do.
GLENN: I'm just saying.
GLENN: See, this is common sense.
STU: This is how we won all these science awards.