VOICE: The Glenn Beck program presents Spotlight on Science.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: We'll restore science to its rightful place.
VOICE: A series dedicated to President Obama's passion for everything science.
GLENN: Science robotic kind of humor there. Welcome to the program. Because of science, we now know that our evil SUVs are heating up the Earth. Because of science we know it's not any other factor such as the sun. That's so old-fashioned to think that the sun might cause heat or warmth on the Earth. It's not -- it's certainly not warm on the moon now, is it? Sun is still there. What's the difference? Don't think too long on that. "The sun doesn't affect normal temperature changes. You know, maybe there's a problem with some imperfect temperature gauges." And we know that we're about to flood entire cities, cause more tornadoes, have more nuclear explosions until Al Gore removes that slide. And because of science they have alerted us to these dangers and we don't feel, well, stupid, spending $278 million on a satellite that will track carbon dioxide in the Earth's atmosphere. They just launched a satellite yesterday to help save the Earth, and here's the update on how it's doing with all that scientific thinking. A NASA satellite to track carbon dioxide in the Earth's atmosphere failed to reach its orbit during launching Tuesday morning, scuttling the $278 million mission right down the old crapper. By the way, really $278 million, that's no big deal really. I mean, we build museums for more than that.
By the way, "failed to reach its orbit" is another way to say that I think it kind of fell out of the sky and crashed and burned, but only in Antarctica and I hope, gosh, I hope all of that, you know, that fuel that it burned, I hope it wasn't a lot of carbon dioxide because isn't that where the hole is? Or is that on the -- oh, they fixed that? That's weird. Hey, and Antarctica really is a good place for it to land because Antarctica is not warming. Science told us that. During the burning of the third stage, the payload fairing failed to separate as commanded. I hate when that happens. The fairing has considerable weight relative to the portion of the vehicle that's flying, said the manager of the Taurus rocket program. "We didn't have that jump in acceleration." Whoa. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. I'm not a scientist, but I'm a thinker here. I think I know why this rocket failed. The satellite was on a Taurus rocket? I mean, I've ridden in a Ford Taurus before and, you know, don't get me wrong, it's a sweet ride. It is a lovely car, especially this time of the year, but of course it doesn't have the acceleration to make it into orbit. You know, when I think about rocketing satellites into space, I think of a Bugatti or a Lamborghini. Those are sweet rides, man. But again I'm not a scientist. I'm just a flat earther Holocaust denier clinging to my Bible and my guns.
The satellite fell back to Earth, landing in the ocean just short of Antarctica. Oh, thank goodness, I thought for a second they might kill one of those penguins and then Al Gore would have wept for a week. Gee, I wonder how much of the ice it caused to melt. You know that big flame thing going on before it went out. Scientists have hoped the new data would help them improve climate models -- hang on just a second. Let me just -- improve climate models, better understand carbon sinks like oceans and forests that absorb much of the carbon dioxide. I'm just trying to -- improve the climate models, which the models are telling us that the science is settled -- and better understand the forest and the oceans which eat most of the carbon dioxide. It's a good thing that this thing didn't go up into space because we don't need it anyway. The science, after all, on all of this stuff is, of course, settled.
VOICE: You've been listening to Spotlight on Science, exclusively heard on the Glenn Beck program. America's number one source for science and science-related items.