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VOICE: The Glenn Beck program presents more truth behind America's march to socialism.
GLENN: That's right. Let's say you rent a car in the suburbs of Chicago. Gee, isn't that the town where our president is from? I love that town. After you choose your car that you're going to rent, don't forget to fill out the legally binding affidavit stating whether or not you're going to be spending 50% of your time in Chicago because if you are, you have to pay the 8% tax Chicago has decided to require of other towns. Now, you might ask yourself, gee, how can Chicago levy a tax against people who are not even living or doing business in Chicago? Well, some people not very enlightened, probably not -- they are probably creationists -- they say you can't. For example, those Darwinian haters at Enterprise Rent-a-Car, they are legally challenging Chicago's right to collect this tax. Enterprise is refusing to give out the affidavits at their non-Chicago-based operations. Now, if that sort of protest sounds familiar, let's state what Chicago is doing in another way. It's called taxation without representation. I have no idea if Enterprise is, you know, clubbing baby seals the rest of the time. They may be. They may be like, "Hey, Bill, what do you say? Shall we kill a few seals? I don't know. We're almost, we're getting low on whale oil." But in this case they're doing their best founding fathers impression. They deserve a lot of credit and, by the way, this is not a paid commercial. However I'm open, Enterprise. Maybe I'm being a little hasty here. I mean, maybe Chicago is, maybe they're just thinking too small. Maybe that's my problem. They haven't gone far enough.
For instance, let's say there's a Dunkin' Donuts on my way to work. Sometimes I need -- and I mean, there's a difference between need and want -- I need the waffle, bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, or four, to fuel my commute. Just sayin'. I get hungry. I need it. Well, I pay for the sales tax in Connecticut where I bought the sandwich, but I wind up eating about half of the food within the borders of New York. Well, how could I possibly cheat New York like that? Actually come to think of it, since I really will be holding the sandwich through a bunch of different towns, shouldn't I be paying some sort of property tax in each town that I drive through? And then there might even be a usage tax. If they could just give me a GPS, then I could hold down a button and it will note the location of each bite. Of course, if I'm chewing across town lines, I should probably have an alternative minimum localized chew tax there.
Now, the one time that the paperwork could be a little daunting is on a flight. Just saying. I mean, since airspace extends upwards, we're going to have to pay taxes for every individual town you fly over, there's got to be something that we could pay for that. Don't worry. Don't worry, we're all going to work it out. Trust me, I know this. As a guy who has literally been trying to finish my fence for going on two years now because of paperwork in my town. Surprising, same town where not a single house has sold since December. It's crazy like that. I'm sure the government's going to make this incredibly easy to deal with.
VOICE: That was even more overwhelming evidence that we are destined to be a bunch of socialist pigs very, very soon on the Glenn Beck program.