| Roseanne's Blog |
GLENN: Today on Roseanne's blog, I'm trying not to laugh at this because it's crazy. I'm trying not to laugh because she's crying out for help. I don't know anything about Roseanne other than I think she went nuts and then didn't she get better?
STU: I never heard that she got better.
GLENN: You never heard that she got better?
STU: No. She is eternally sad.
GLENN: Okay, I thought she got better.
STU: Better from what? Like
GLENN: Didn't she she had like some tragedy or molestation thing happen to her or something.
STU: When was this?
GLENN: You have two ways to go. You don't remember that? Didn't she, like, visit her dad, like I don't know.
STU: You might be right. I'm not up on my Roseanne.
GLENN: I don't, either. I'm just kind of vaguely remembering that there was something really sad and tragic in her life.
GLENN: And I think the rest of her family was like, what? I think her mom and dad were like, what? And I think she accused them or him or something of molesting.
STU: You are deep into Roseanne history. I think we need an accurate Roseanne history update here because now I'm intrigued. I don't think anybody heard this story before.
GLENN: I don't think anybody keeps one. I don't think Wikipedia is like, Roseanne Barr, I think she had a TV show. I think everybody's pretty much like
STU: See, this is a sad tale.
GLENN: This is a sad tale because she doesn't get well.
STU: There's no happy ending at the end.
GLENN: There's no happy ending.
STU: There's no uplifting music.
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GLENN: I thought she got better.
STU: There's no speech where she was
GLENN: And then he read her blog today, okay? And now, I just want to ask you, Stu, okay? I'm not a psychotherapist, I'm not I've no health training whatsoever.
STU: No, you do not. You don't
GLENN: So I don't know.
STU: Right. You don't look healthy, you don't know anything about health.
GLENN: Mental health.
STU: I didn't realize that but I think the same would apply.
GLENN: All right. So you can make me cry. So here's the you just stop me when you think I'm not a psychiatrist, but she might not be the healthiest to people.
GLENN: All right? From Roseanne's blog: Glenn Beck is stealing from me.. Okay? Okay, you're thinking, oh, Roseanne, she's so funny.
STU: Look, I would stop you here but I don't know. Maybe she has a really good argument here.
GLENN: Maybe I have been over at her house, wherever she might live, stealing stuff. I just wanted I just wanted a pair of her nylons. Is that so wrong?
GLENN: Okay. Glenn Beck is stealing from me. Glenn Beck is a vampire and he is vampiring off my blog. I have been
STU: Well, wait a minute. This is true so far. You are doing a segment on national radio mentioning her blog.
GLENN: Oh, my gosh! She's right. Okay, see? I'm not an expert.
STU: Right. So far, so good.
GLENN: Do you have your license?
STU: Yes, I do.
GLENN: "I've been writing about energy vampires here for years."
STU: Which I'm sure you knew.
GLENN: I did.
GLENN: Energy vampires.
STU: Because you've read her blog a lot of times.
GLENN: Now I notice that he's calling Obama and the Democrats vampires using all my verbiage for which I own the copyright here at RW.
STU: You are saying she says she owns the copyright for, what, the word vampires?
GLENN: I don't think so, I'm not sure. All of the verbiage from
STU: Is it possible that from maybe like, you've got to go like Bella or something? You've got to go back to those times.
GLENN: You might want to go you would think that she would go after Stephenie Meyer before me but
STU: Bram Stoker? Go to Bram Stoker?
GLENN: I don't see, Bram, what's happening with the vampire thing? Notice that he's calling Obama and Democrats vampires.
STU: When are you doing I've never heard
GLENN: No, I said last week that I think I I believe I said all politicians are sticking their fangs deep into your neck and sucking all the blood out of the economy.
STU: Yeah, okay.
GLENN: I did say that they were vampires but I didn't honestly, your Honor, I didn't know it was even possible for Roseanne to own the vampire story line. "This is what he said. The Democrats..." I don't believe I said that. "The Democrats are trying to vampire off of our businesses and we need to drive a stake through their heart." No, never said that. Never said that. "This is calling for a race war. It truly is."
Now Stu, at any point you can stop me and say
STU: Well, Glenn, I don't know. I mean, you know, she hasn't even defined race war. What if she's talking about like Speed Racer? Speed Racer.
GLENN: Speed race war.
STU: Yeah. Maybe that's what she's talking about.
GLENN: No, I don't think she is, I don't think so. Then she says, Mormons have been programmed to heed the word programmed to heed the words of their prophets, and Glenn Beck hangs out with those prophets.
STU: Oh, like when you had that prophet party last week?
GLENN: It is so amazing. We all got together, you know.
GLENN: Just hanging. And I'm like, hey, prophet dude, what's happening? And
GLENN: Some reason I don't think that happened. Never met him before. Like to. In fact, I believe I wept one time.
GLENN: Yes. When Larry King, who apparently has he's a Jew. Wait a minute. Oh, the Jews are always in on it.
GLENN: Anyway, when Larry King offered to introduce me to the president of my church and I said, no, I don't no, that's okay, I what are you going to say? Hey, you know, it's like the pope. Are you going to go up to the pope: So what you been doing? I'm a Catholic, you're a Catholic. We're just kind of hanging out, huh? I said to Mr. King, I don't really that's okay. And then right after that the president of our church died, and I loved the man and he was great. But that's only because of my programming.
Anyway, the truth is Glenn Beck supports a Confederate economy.
STU: Confederate economy, is that a slave reference? Is that a just an alternative?
GLENN: I'm not sure. I thought we were talking about vampires.
STU: That's true. So she's saying a different economy for vampires.
GLENN: I support a Confederate economy based on slave wages. Glenn Beck is happy that lots of American citizens have lost their jobs and their homes.
STU: That's what you guys were celebrating at the prophet parties.
GLENN: That's exactly right. We were together and I'm like, "Hey, dude, are you so psyched that people are out on the street?" And he was like, "Dude." And I said, "Dude!" It was fantastic.
STU: The bakery did find it odd when you ordered the Caterpillar layoff cake.
GLENN: We don't talk about that. We don't expose all of those things. "He's blaming it on all of the Democrats who have a black leader." You know, I'd just like to point out I do agree with her on that.. The Democrats do have a black leader.
STU: Okay, yes, yes.
GLENN: I'd like to go a step further. So does America.
GLENN: Yes, yes, yes.
STU: Wow, that's weird. I didn't notice that until now.
GLENN: The whole country has a black leader. How subtle is that racism, huh? Because that's what she says: This is subtle racism at its lowest.
STU: At its lowest.
GLENN: At its lowest.
STU: Is it so low like we can't see it, like it's a dog tone?
GLENN: It is such a low level of racism that it's almost like most people don't think that exists.
STU: Right. It's (inaudible).
STU: You can't even notice it.
GLENN: You can't hear it a bit, but the dog is going crazy... which some people have said Roseanne Barr is. I don't.
GLENN: No. I don't think she is..
STU: She's made some really
GLENN: But she can obviously hear racism noises that only dogs and Roseanne Barr can hear. Anyway, "He's a Republican and he's working to elect Romney/Palin 2012."
STU: I'd be fine with Romney/Palin 2012.
GLENN: I'd be fine with just Palin, Palin/Palin.
STU: Will Todd run?
GLENN: I wonder wouldn't he be great? He would be like, he would be over at the G20 and would be like, hey, let's go snowmobiling.
STU: I like that.
GLENN: Yeah, I think that would be great. I wonder if we can get that in there, if we can just have no vice president or the husband who's a snowmobiler. What do they call them? Snow machines?
STU: Snow machiner? I don't know.
GLENN: I wonder if we can get that in the new Confederate economy.
STU: You know what would be good, too, is if Obama can stop the global warming, we can get an ice bridge and then they can take snowmobiles from Alaska to Russia.
GLENN: If we can get the snow bridge built with stimulus dollars.
STU: Look at all these possibilities.
GLENN: Not used on the Microsoft bridge that is built with stimulus dollars. Anyway, she goes on to say be aware of how the cable channels are sending a despicable antiracist message into your living rooms. Turn off your cable news, turn off televisions if you want to resist being programmed by Satan workers.
STU: That's a good point.
GLENN: But, my dear Mr. Pro slavery teenage girl marrying anti gay marriage anti women's rights anti worker anti constitution America hating traitor polygamist, you will not have the last word!
STU: Can I call you down and stop you? I'm starting to think that maybe she's having problems.
GLENN: All right, let me ask you this. Do you think this is a threat? Because she says, the law will punish the guilty and they will be named here. Roseanne Barr is the husk that types these words. Is that like what you put like, what, corn comes in that you tear off and throw in the bar gauge?
STU: No, I think she just forgot a Y.
GLENN: She then says, Mr. German skinhead, mark your doors, Mr. Polygamist. I've got to meet this wife. Is she hot?
STU: The other one, you mean?
GLENN: Or the others?
STU: The other ten?
GLENN: I don't know.
STU: I'm sure they're hot.
GLENN: I bet she's hot. Anyway, mark your doors for the angel of death will not pass over your house.
Your mask will fall, you'll be exposed as a "death lover" NEC TECH bot/bought.
STU: What was that last part there?
GLENN: The angel of death is an energy vampire, search vampires here in the archives. No, I don't think so. Oh, the last part was
STU: Yeah, you told me that
GLENN: Was I'll be exposed as a "death lover" NEC TECH bot/bought.
STU: NEC TECH.
STU: Bot/bought. It says the word
GLENN: That's just the way she rolls. That's just the way she rolls, literally she rolls.