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GLENN: Do we have Tim in Cleveland is a forest manager. He's cutting down trees today in celebration of Earth Day. Do we have Tim on the phone? Tim, are you there?
CALLER: Yeah, I'm here, Glenn.
GLENN: Hi, how are you?
CALLER: Good, how are you doing?
GLENN: Well, I'm very good. I'm very good. Where are you cutting down trees, sir?
CALLER: I'm in Ashtabula County, Northeast Ohio. It's a wildlife habitat. My landowner is a big hunter and we're going through his woods and making a couple of half acre clear cuts and that's where he will lay in wait for the deer to come. Deer are very curious creatures and they will come and investigate these clear cuts and he'll shoot them.
GLENN: This is like nirvana here.
GLENN: This is not only going to hack off all the environmentalists but all the PETA people, too.
CALLER: That's exactly right.
GLENN: So Tim, how come I don't hear the chainsaws running.
CALLER: I can start it up right now. Do you want to hear it?
GLENN: This is too good to be true. Tim, hang on just a second because I want to savor this moment. Hang on just a second. Let me give our commercial for this half hour and then you start.
CALLER: All right.
GLENN: Stu, this is like Dan, I need Barry White music. This is almost full fledged light some candles, this is eroticism.
STU: I'm just glad it's so good for the Earth on Earth Day.
GLENN: You say is that and it sounds sarcastic.
STU: It sounds sarcastic? No.
GLENN: Give me a little Barry White on the program, will you?
(Earth Day spoof)
GLENN: That's right, it is time to go all green. We go back to Tim who is a forest manager. He is cutting down trees in honor of Earth well, not really in honor. We could say in honor of Earth Day, can't we, Tim.
CALLER: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
GLENN: In honor of Earth Day. That's fantastic. Are you ready?
CALLER: Yeah, I'm ready.
GLENN: Go ahead.
CALLER: I have to yell "Timber" first.
GLENN: You've got to what?
CALLER: I have to yell "Timber" first.
GLENN: Oh, okay. Don't you do that right before the tree falls?
CALLER: Timber! (Chainsaw starting up).
All done. I laid down an Aspen tree with Glenn's name on it and an Aspen tree with Stu's name on it. So you are both involved.
GLENN: That is fantastic. Those are little teeny trees. Don't you have like a big huge oak or something?
CALLER: No, no, we don't cut oak. We cut Aspen and stuff like that and we leave behind the good stuff.
GLENN: Well, I'm looking for somebody else that would be willing to cut down the good stuff, you know. They are not American Elms, are?
CALLER: Well, actually they are. Yes, they are.
GLENN: They are? Because I know those are like here in New York City, you go to Central Park, American Elms, those are a big deal because they are almost wiped out and everything else. So I mean, give me another Elm, just give me another American Elm.
CALLER: I want to hear another American Elm? Coming right up. Let me fire this back up.
GLENN: Because they are so loved here in New York City.
CALLER: Yeah, I know. (Chainsaw starting). I forgot the
GLENN: I don't think you are actually cutting any trees down. Stu, do you think he's cutting any trees down?
CALLER: Yeah, I'm cutting them down.
STU: They must be very small trees.
GLENN: Well, no, they could be small. They're small. They're junk trees. These are, what do you call those trees that are
CALLER: Cull trees.
GLENN: What do you call them?
CALLER: Cull trees, C U L L. Cull trees, poor quality trees.
GLENN: The ones that just kind of, they grow up in the forest, and they are little stupid trees.
CALLER: They are.
STU: This is what's positive here is when you cut down trees for a purpose such as what's happening right now, what usually happens, and this is why the tree density is so much higher in this country than it used to be is that there will be more planted, there are more I mean, when you cut down trees for paper, it's a positive thing because you wind up planting more trees and, you know, over time it's clearly been shown that all these environmental benefits that go to these companies that are supposedly cutting down trees, blah, blah blah, blah blah, they were going to plant them anyway because it's part of their business plan. So I mean, right now if you had only waited a little while to cut these trees down, maybe the government could have given you some money to replant them.
GLENN: That's fantastic. Thank you, Stu, for that. That is beautiful.
STU: Thank you.
GLENN: All right, Tim, thanks a lot. I appreciate it.