GLENN: You know, I just read a I just saw a blog from Wonkette, for $1525, do literally whatever you want to Glenn Beck in New York. Ooh. If getting double teamed by James Carville and Paul Begala is not your cup of tea bags.
STU: What? Tea bags? Zinger!
GLENN: Head over to eBay, have your credit card ready. Dough head wingnut star of Fox TV's Goin' Nuts Again With Glenn Beck.
STU: Keep saying it.
GLENN: Is selling his puffy body and all of its orifices on eBay. For one glorious day you can do whatever you want to Glenn Beck. We bet it's for some weird cause like preventing gay marriage.
STU: Yeah, that's definitely it.
GLENN: That is, it's a weird cause. Cancer. You don't have to marry him. Jeez, do whatever you like. Put him on a dog leash, blah, blah blah. Wow.
STU: Why are you reading this on the air? I don't understand. Because some idiot is going to be, "I'm extra snarky today."
GLENN: It's probably not legal to kill him.
STU: That's really
GLENN: I think we should check that out.
GLENN: I think we should check that out.
STU: I'm pretty sure. it wouldn't specifically be a hate crime.
GLENN: It's not a hate crime. It would be just murder. You'll be out in two years. Yeah, no hate crime there.
STU: What is this charity thing? It's for cancer.
GLENN: Well, I found out about it yesterday.
STU: It's not for cancer, right?
GLENN: We're not encouraging cancer.
DAN: Big distinction.
GLENN: You know, people are working really hard extra hours to cure cancer. Have you noticed nobody's working on making it worse?
STU: This is a one sided battle, and it has to stop. Yeah, so this is
GLENN: It's a very cancer, it's a very big tent. No, no, we're not for cancer.
STU: Now, is this right, $1525?
STU: That's terrible.
GLENN: It is.
STU: Most hookers get more than that.
GLENN: Pardon me?
STU: I believe most hookers get more than that.
GLENN: Wow. You're with good hookers.
STU: That's a good point. Also they're probably doing more for it. So I mean
GLENN: Most hookers go for more than that? Are you saying that I'm better than a hooker?
STU: No, definitely not. That's a good point.
GLENN: Okay, that's a very
STU: Maybe they are just, they believe you are going to fall asleep in the meeting.
GLENN: Look, here's the thing. Here's the thing. I saw this, I think it was yesterday or the day before, when it was on the website. I saw the front page of the website. It's like, meet Glenn Beck. And I'm like, really? Where?
DAN: There's a meeting you slept through.
GLENN: A meeting I slept through. And I click on it and I see it's for the City of Hope which is City of Hope, it's great, yada, yada, but I didn't know about it. And I thought, well, this is really egotistical. I mean, who wants to meet I'm surprised it's at $1525, quite honestly. Because really really?
STU: Well, I spoke to one of the people who set this up last night, and she informed
GLENN: Who set this up?
STU: This is someone over at Premiere Radio Networks, our syndicator.
GLENN: Did anyone run it by me?
STU: You were asleep in the meeting. I believe that is accurate. And she told me that I don't have the numbers in front of me, but that you were going for something like $1500 and that the Jonas brothers were at $40,000.
GLENN: Okay. Do you see what I'm saying? Do you see what I'm saying?
STU: I see what they're saying.
STU: I see what the market is saying.
GLENN: And that's what I would have been saying had they asked me. I would have said, "I don't think so. Who's going to pay for that?" What do you get in this? Go to the website.
STU: Okay. You and up to three guests can join Glenn Beck while he is on the air in New York City doing his radio program.
STU: You will get to see the action live. This is just like a hooker. As you spend one hour
STU: Watching through the soundproof window, before or after the show you'll have the opportunity to meet Glenn, take photos, autographs and get a signed copy of his latest book. This is a once in a lifetime experience. Really it's more than that. It's really more common honestly, every day.
GLENN: It's really not I mean, once in a lifetime. That's really all you need. It's not like you need a second trip to this.
GLENN: It's not like, gosh, that was so much fun, I want to do that again.
STU: Can I pay $1500 again for that?
GLENN: Can I pay $1500 to not do that again? Look, here's the thing. It's for City of Hope. So look. Pay more and you don't have to meet me. I'm just saying.
STU: Yeah, you don't have to come. That's true. You could just, you could spend thousands and then just not show.
GLENN: And then just not show.
STU: That's a great point.
GLENN: And, you know, we'd send you the book. I'd send you somebody else's book if you'd like. It doesn't matter.
STU: Actually, though, they've buried the lead here, Glenn. Third paragraph down, you and three friends will join me, this is apparently a quote that you gave in your sleep. You and three friends will join me
GLENN: I'd like to make a new policy here. Can we not have people give quotes from me that I haven't given?
STU: Well, how do you know you didn't do this? Seriously you could have done this six months ago and not even remember it.
GLENN: That is true.
STU: Which is you and three friends will join me, Stu, Dan and whoever else happens to be around that day for an hour of live radio fun.
GLENN: I never said that. You never said that. There are I will grant you this is one of those things that people get me on the way to the elevator and they're like, hey, Glenn, we want to do an auction for cancer. Oh, that's great, sure, let's do that. So just people come by? Yeah, sure, that sounds great. (Mumbling). They are saying all these things, hanging out with stuff and everything like that. "What? You're good with that, Glenn?" I didn't hear the last part. "Just cancer." Good, okay, ping, and then I'm gone. That's how that happens.
STU: It's certainly possible, Glenn.
GLENN: So look
STU: They are promising unlimited Coke Zeros for everybody who shows. So I mean, wow.
GLENN: You know what, look. Here, here.
STU: We're crazy here.
GLENN: Hang on just a second. Tania? Tania's at home. She's on the web cam. She may have Tania, are you there? Oh, there she is. Hang on just a second. Let me turn this up. Tania, this is now we're doing something for City of Hope. Can you hear me?
GLENN: We're doing something for City of Hope. So I want to know, if people come to the studio, will you make them lasagna for lunch?
TANIA: How many people are we talking about here?
GLENN: I don't know. How many? Three?
TANIA: Oh, yeah, I'll make it.
GLENN: She is giving me a very dirty look. Look, she's nodding off. I'm Nyquil to my wife.
STU: So you are saying you are throwing lasagna into this pot, Tania's lasagna?
GLENN: Tania's lasagna. Yeah, will you do that?
TANIA: Yeah, sure.
STU: Can they have Tania's lasagna and not come to meet you?
GLENN: Can they not meet me and just have lasagna if they will pay more?
TANIA: That's up to them.
GLENN: Yeah, I love my kids.
STU: What happened to your child
GLENN: Thumbscrews. No big deal, no big deal.
STU: It's not torture.
GLENN: No, not torture. No, there's no lasting pain, no emotional damage, except to me. So all right. Okay, sweetheart, thank you. So I don't know if that helps. I'm just trying whatever.
STU: No, it's funny. You torture your kids, but your wife's going to make some good pasta.
GLENN: So it's good. You've had her lasagna before, homemade meat balls and everything?
STU: Well, yeah. It's been a while since I had the meat balls but Tania's cooking is fantastic. I do know that.
GLENN: So you have lunch from my wife, okay? We'll serve you a little lunch here. That's it. Just, just make it a little better than a hooker.
STU: Can we get to 1/6 of the Jonas Brothers is all we're asking.
GLENN: No, I don't even need that. I just need to be out of the hooker range. And I don't think, quite honestly I don't think that's possible! I don't think it's possible for me to be out of the range of a hooker. And not really even a good one. Isn't Eliot Spitzer's hooker, wasn't she like $5,000?
STU: She was really expensive.
GLENN: So I'm not even
GLENN: a good hooker.
STU: Oh, no, no, no one ever said that. Well, I guess now that we've sold this so well, go to GlennBeck.com for details.