Glenn is expecting liberals to hate the upcoming Glenn Beck Common Sense Comedy Tour and write scathing reviews of it. So in an effort to be helpful Glenn has invited his listeners to do their job for them, by writing their own version of a liberal's review of the show before it even hits the stage.
Here's a sampling of what we've received so far (and what you can expect to see in liberal blogs in the coming days)....
Imagine that the New Testament is being written in the first decade of the twenty-first century, the government is Satan, and the Messiah is a forty something Mormon who looks like he turned two fish into five thousand and then ate them all and you will begin to understand what it is like to be at the Glen Beck Common Sense Comedy Tour.
Beck, who has suggested that his Comedy Tour shows him to be an out of the box conservative unafraid to mix politics and humor, fails miserably at his hackneyed attempts to be funny and succeeds only in his tired regurgitations of the same radical conservative talking points readily available from any of his like minded colleagues. If you go to laugh AT him however, instead if at his material, then the sight of his pallid, sweat drenched figure wallowing laboriously around the stage is bound to elicit at least one hearty chuckle.
Individuals with inquiring minds, truly interested in learning, would be better served by spending twenty minutes surfing random YouTube videos, as watching a monkey ******* into its own mouth is both more funny, and more educational than watching Beck’s banal ranting. The only thing more depressing than watching Beck huff and puff under the stresses of his own weight is the realization that you are likely sitting amongst a pool of Beck’s kool-aid drinking disciples who are clearly laughing continuously to hide the fact that they have no idea what’s going on. As the night wears on, Beck’s angry, conspiracy filled and transparently racist proselytizing will leave you praying only for the appearance of the twenty-first century Judas.
Terrick, Republic MO
As Glenn stood on stage, crying from the stink of his dumb, white, racist jokes, his pasty skin glistened as the sweat dripped thicker than his sarcasm. I'm starting to believe there are indeed conspiracies, because somehow his unfunny routine drew crowds of right-wing lemmings, each of whom robotically guffawed at the typical Republican talking points. The only thing worse than his act was his hair. Shock jock by trade, entertainer by accident, Glenn gives crazy people a bad name. Next time President Obama flubs a joke, he will compare it to Glenn's routine instead of the Special Olympics. Sadly, I don't even think ACORN workers could have bribed a crowd to enjoy his show. I give this act two thumbs down. I would have rated in terms of stars, but that would just encourage this mental case's patriotism.
Richard, Charlotte NC
My 4 year old daughter has mastered the art of what my wife calls "crocodile tears". Basically she turns on the tears so people will feel sorry for her and give her the attention she so badly desires.
Glenn Beck has mastered that art as well. This man can turn on the tears quicker than any grown man (or woman) that I have ever seen. My daughter could actually take lessons from him.
You have to realize, however, that if Becks' tears were real, he would have plenty to cry about. His beloved Republican Party is collapsing all around him and the only thing he has to hold on to are tired out talking points that amount to a lifeboat with Swiss cheese for a hull.
To understand how Beck succeeds at what he does, and he is no doubt successful, you have to look at who his audience is.
Predominantly white elitists who still believe they are the master race and Affirmative Action has no place in our society. These are angry people, make no mistake about it. They got their clocks cleaned in the last election so now they just hold tea parties and watch cry babies in movie theaters.
Glenn Beck is not funny but he is funny to watch. His appearance alone is enough to make you chuckle. HD TV is his worst enemy. Some faces were made for radio, Glenn's is one of those.
So if you can stand a couple hours of conspiracy theories and Armageddon predictions I suppose you can join the lemmings and see what the fat man has to say. Write to me and tell me how many different shades of red he turned.
Me? I'll stay home. I have enough of a loudmouth to put up with there.
And she doesn't even cry as much!
Roger, Pittsfield MA
Journalist Beck's Racist Remarks go too Far, Again.
It apparently wasn't enough for radio and television talk show host Glenn Beck to join the racists of America for his Tax Day Tea Parties, like his Fox News colleges. No, he is visiting various cities in America over the next weeks to continue spreading his Anti-American rhetoric. The difference-this time the racists have PAID to hear it.
In Beck's Common Sense Comedy Tour, the audience laughed, they cried (though not nearly as much as the "talent",) and then suited up in their white robes. Ok, so maybe the latter of the three didn't happen, but Glenn's Anti-Obama rhetoric wasn't exactly the comedy the title promised us. Hearing that he wanted old paralyzed minority grandmothers to die, rather than let Obama help the sick of the nation sickened me. Hearing the crowd laugh and cheer over the remark nearly put me in cardiac arrest.
And then we have the second portion of the show. Our star decided it would be a good idea to portray a founding father, screaming that's he's "Mad as Hell" that our president would want to have a cleaner earth, help the poor, and heal the sick.
In short, saying that this crybaby isn't worth the time or money doesn't quite cut it. I hope the Fox News recovering alcoholic falls off the wagon, and his liver fails. That's comedy we all can believe in.
Justin, Weselberg Germany (US Air Force)
He's at it again. The loudmouth fatty spewing his hate speech to a bunch of know nothing inbred hicks who obviously wouldn't know real entertainment if it came up and knock the one remaining tooth out of their stupid heads.
Yes I'm talking about Glen Beck. His Common Sense Comedy Tour has hit the road....and the wall. A word to Beck: Comedy is supposed to be funny. The only thing funny about the show was Beck's appearance. That is if you think it's funny watching a pasty, chubby man waddle across the stage, all the while screaming racist, sexists rants to the imbeciles in the crowd.
One minute he'll be squawking about the supposed harm done by one of our greatest presidents, Woodrow Wilson, the next he'll be screaming his fat sweating face off about the evils of same sex marriage and how the country is doomed to socialism.
While I have never been to a Republican or KKK gathering, I think I can now say that I came as close to one as I ever want to be. I was truly shocked to see how easily the mob was whipped into a frenzy by Mr. Beck.
He pulled no punches as he provoked the lemmings into an enraged mob with his lies about Obama and the good people in his administration. I could have sworn I smelled freshly cut onions as Beck shifted gears to the "emotional" part of his act. Cry me a river Mr. Beck. When you run out of onions there are always nose hairs. If you can find them under the folds of your fat face.
I could go on, but I have wasted enough time on this sorry excuse for entertainment. Use your common sense and miss this wreck of a show.
Kevin, Carlsbad CA
Glenn Beck has failed in yet another brazen attempt to turn thinly veiled right-wing hate speech into comedy.
I had the misfortune of sitting through Beck’s “Common Sense Comedy Tour” last night and, throughout the two-hour snooze fest, there was little “common sense” or “comedy” to be found. I suppose in some sick way, Beck’s performance could be considered entertaining, as watching a festively plump madman ramble on about his self-destructive obsession with the ideas of rich, dead, white people far removed from relevance demands a morbid fascination, similar to a grisly car crash or watching the GOP’s approval ratings fall further through the floor. Regardless, aside from the mere spectacle of the unmitigated disaster occurring on stage, Beck left his audience wanting less and less as the evening went on.
Of those that “appeared” to enjoy the performance, their ilk was predictable: illiterate, intellectually bankrupt bigots who displayed no shame in their brash, ebullient echoing of Beck’s point of view, like puppets awaiting the next command from their master. To those of us in the audience enlightened enough to see through the phony façade of care and passion the blubbering Beck poorly attempted to convey, the brainwashing was clear. His fawning and slobbering over the Constitution’s original intent and idiotic rambling about how an over two-hundred year old document, written when people still wore powdered wigs, is somehow relevant today baffle the mind. Beck, it seems, does not appreciate progress and would rather we revert to a more hateful, evil time when his kind went unopposed and thrived through the pain and suffering of the poor and downtrodden.
If you’ve run out of old George W. Bush speeches on your TiVo and are looking for a quick, straight-off-the-GOP-teleprompter “fix” with a little history, politics of old and racism mixed in, then this pitiful performance is for you. For those of you actually capable of rational thought, watching this hatemonger spew propaganda at you for hours in the hope of eliciting some weak chuckles is (and I’m being polite) an epic, colossal waste of time. Avoid at all costs.
Tony, Cincinnati OH
As if a nationally syndicated radio show, and prime billing on right-wing extremist Fox News Channel isn't a big enough platform for him, political commentator Glen Beck takes his 3-ring circus act on the road. As with the "tea parties" another one of Beck's pet projects, lines to get in to see these shows were minimal at best. And you can probably imagine the class of people that were standing in these short lines.
I got a chance to speak to some of these primarily white, republican, Obama haters. One gentleman I spoke with wouldn't even get out of his camouflage hunting chair with beer can holders to answer my questions. His attention was consumed by his 6 children. I could tell that his answers wouldn't be the right ones, judging by his sleeveless "Don't tread on me" t-shirt, and countless NRA tattoos.
Now onto the show itself.
Funny? Not more than the type of person there to see it. Beck attempted a few jokes and observations about our current administration, ranging from stimulus packages to national security concerns. The crowd of racist rednecks applauded loudly as the hideously overweight Beck spouted articles from the Constitution, and again later when he talked about the Founding fathers and Bill of Rights.
The part that had me more puzzled than any of the other social blunders witnessed was the fact that people actually bought tickets the see this sweaty, festering, folly of a man get up and talk about ideas that are obsolete, and the bulk of our progressive nation just isn't interested in any more.
The night had finally drawn to a tortured close, and I was anxious to get out of there. I ran to catch my plane, as it jetted me off to my times square office. I tried to catch a little shut-eye, but every time I closed them, all I could see were the commoners who make up this "armpit of America". Clinging to their guns and religion. And a very sorry attempt at the fine art of comedy, who is Glen Beck.
Jeremy - Biglerville, PA
In a classic display of sweat, nose-hair-pulling tears, and dollar store GOP pride, Glenn Beck recently premiered his 2009 Common Sense Comedy “Show”. Let’s be honest - we knew what to expect. From the moment Beck - standing on stage in all of the glory of his white power pride and fishing line toupee - opened his mouth (And his pasty, clammy pores), there was no stopping the sopping wet Fox News spokesman. Eager to satisfy the crowd of gun-toting rednecks lounged about the theater, Beck sprayed his usual cut ‘n’ paste Republican propaganda. He spared no time before enthusiastically spewing his hatred for African Americans, undocumented workers, and environmentalists all about the room, throwing in a few conspiracy theories about health care and fluorescent light bulbs - are the Socialist aliens here yet, Glenn?
In all frankness, though, putting Beck’s crazy conspiracy theories and founding fathers fetish aside, the show itself is meaningless—really, truly meaningless. The fact of the matter is that every time this long-winded, sobby gasbag gets up on stage, the hole in the ozone layer gets bigger. The rampant, hate-mongering humor shooting from his flabby, flapping lips is stale at best, and his attempts at political sobriety fail epically to jump over the ‘90’s DJ hurtle. The fact that he charges his simpleton militia followers money for the privilege of hearing the his earsplitting recruiting speech is shocking. Glenn Beck is nothing more than a bitter white man projecting his misery about his albino locks, over-sized perspiration glands, and excess body fat onto innocent minority groups. No one should be subjected to this insane, screaming lump, or the traveling right-wing circus troupe he calls his show.
Beck is a lot of things, but a funny, humane, non-clammy entertainer, does not a delirious, bawling, half-bald radio host make. Face it, Glenn: no sane, levelheaded, humane person wants to pay money to see a hot dog imitate Rush Limbaugh for two hours.
Erica - Temecula, CA
I was pulled away from my desk putting together the obituary for tomorrow's run when I was informed I had once again drawn the short straw, and assigned to cover for one more agonizing time Glenn Beck's "Common Sense Tour."
Not surprising this year the only thing that changed was the title. It was the same old Republican Spin Rubbish.
The audience was the same Redneck, Hay Seed group as usual straight out of Hew Haw. If Glenn had a punch line (which I doubt) you could not hear due to the knee slapping from the local yokals.
Oh yes he laughed, he cried, he sweated lots, and combined with slobber the stage hand he had hired came to mop the floor when the knee slapping died down.
Take my advice and critique, stay home and watch the paint dry, that is more entertaining.
Sue - Sonora, TX
Last night, radio personality and Fox News pundit Glenn Beck presented his "Common Sense Comedy Tour." Predictably, Beck's tired recounting of the conservative Republican litany is neither common sense nor comedy.
For two long hours, the pudgy Beck presented his views about life and government with an audience consisting primarily of his core listeners, many of whom already share his views on topics such as gun ownership and the ill-conceived Tea Parties. Well, not exactly presented. The manic Beck alternately screamed and blubbered, working the crowd into a wild frenzy hanging on his every word, who ended the evening with a standing ovation for their sweaty, rotund "messiah." Beck continually railed against the current administration and its policies, offering nothing but half-baked ideas in defense of his radical theories of government and the economy. And, while he told his doe-eyed devotees to "get the facts and make up your own mind," it was obvious he fully expects them to do neither and to take everything he says at face value.
If you are looking for a show with intelligence and wit, you are certain to be disappointed with Beck's tawdry three-ring circus.
Caryl - Windsor, CO
Glenn Beck is at it again. I recently attended Beck's so called comedy show. At least that's what it was billed as. For those of you who have blissfully never heard of Glenn Beck, he is "faux" news latest GOP shill and host of a radio show. Beck is known for psychotically slipping in and out of weird voices, sweating profusely and attempting to grow goatees that are invisible on his pasty skin.
His stage show is like a GOP political ad. He rants against Pres Obama with thinly veiled racist jabs. His audience looks like they would be more at home at a Klan rally. You almost expect tea bagging to spontaneously break out as he whips the fat white racists into a frenzy.
I personally found nothing funny, but the clearly 100% republican lemming audience seems to love it. As Glenn raps up his monotonously boring show he uses his coup de gras....crying on command. I'm sure i saw him pull out a nose hair just before the water works began. In summation, if you want to be bored to sleep, relieve the GOP/KKK glory days check it out. If you have any decency demand this shock jock dangerous lunatic be forced off the air and into counseling!
Michael - Fort Smith, AR
Imagine being transported to Thomas Paine's Colonial America. You walk down the dusty streets only to be accosted by a fat, pasty skined, town-"cryer"(and I do mean cryer) who also turns out to be the village idiot. He yammers on and on in and endless monologue about the end of the world. As people pass by oblivious to this madman's loud rantings he comes up to you, apparently because you made eye contact. Never make eye contact! What do you do? Normally such lunatics that you meet in the street can be ignored and you can find your way to the nearest tavern. Unfortunately this is not possible with Glenn Beck and his Common Sense Tour or should I say his Non-Sense Tour.
If your idea of a good time is listening to a hackneyed right-wing retelling of a pamphlet that's over 200 years old this "comedy" tour is for you. As for me I'll save my tuppence and head for the tavern.
Allan - Mesa, AZ
Last night I had the misfortune of seeing Glenn Beck's "Common Sense Comedy Tour". Believe me, I use the word "comedy" very lightly. There was very little of either "common sense" or "comedy" during the 2 1/2 hour misery that was Glenn Beck.
For those of you who don't know Glenn Beck, he is a right-wing nut job who has somehow managed to become the number 2 Republican party shill, right behind Rush Limbaugh. He has a nationally syndicated radio talk show in the a.m. and an afternoon "news" show on the Republican mouthpiece, Fox News Channel. Believe me, this man is not the journalist he claims to be. He is much more like a shock jock who tries, and fails miserably, to entertain.
Imagine, if you can, an over-the-hill, paunchy, pasty, sweaty, effeminate fat man, constantly on the verge of tears (or so he wants us to think), trying his hardest to be funny. It was embarrassing to watch. Not only was he unfunny, he seems to have a hard time telling the truth. All he had to rant about were the typical GOP talking points. The audience, however, like lemmings being led to the sea, were eating it up. That speaks volumes to the mentality of these racist, mentally deficient dimwits.
In the future, when trying to extract information from "terrorists", the CIA should forego the waterboarding and go straight to the real torture. Make them watch Glenn Beck's "Common Sense Comedy Tour". They will be talking in no time.
Tammie - Wharton, OH