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GLENN: We are creating or saving jobs every single day. It is absolutely fantastic. We finally now know exactly how President Obama is going to count the jobs that he is saving or creating. Under the rules released now Monday, the White House told the governors, mayors and contractors to keep it simple. Quote: Just count the people being paid out of the Recovery Act dollars. This is from the deputy director at the White House budget office. Just count the people being paid out of the Recovery Act dollars. Well, that makes sense, right? I mean, it sounds perfectly simple. It's a great sound bite? I mean, just don't think about it for very long. Quick, pass this, quick, it's an emergency! Once you start to think of it, then you start to think of, well, let's say your situation. Let's say you run a company. Well, let's say this radio show is a company. I'm not planning on firing anybody right now. Well, I might fire Stu. But other than that. But let's say I get $100,000 in stimulus funds. This is how they would count the jobs. I would tell them the number of people that I'm paying with that money and since I'm not firing ‑‑ you know, I'm not planning on firing anybody, the number would be zero, right? I'm paying them anyway but I'm getting $100,000 in stimulus money. This is why they have set it up this way. I'm not firing anybody. The number is zero jobs that have been saved or created but since I wanted the stimulus money, I'm incentivized to not say zero. Otherwise why would I take the stimulus money? In fact, it's best for me to make that number as high as possible to justify my decision. So instead I would say I'm paying two or three people with that money, even if that doesn't cover their salary. I'm paying seven people right now with $100,000 in stimulus money. Really? I'm going to pay them anyway. I'm just pocketing the money that I would have given them otherwise. Then the politician from my district who secured the money is also incentivized to make sure that number is as big as possible so we report the number back to the president and he takes credit for three jobs saved: Mine, Stu's and Dan's, even though I wasn't planning on firing anyone.
Now, that might sound like we're basically taking the amount of money and dividing it by the average salary, and it is, but Obama's not doing it. This is where the beauty comes. It would be too obvious if we just took the money and then divided it by salaries. However, if he just relies on business owners like me, well, I'm independent. I'm not getting those numbers from, you know, some government source. I'm getting it from the private sector. Let's for the first time hold up the private sector. But it actually gets worse than what I explained.
Here's the real life example given from Washington. Ohio officials have estimated a $20 million bridge construction project is going to create or save 10,500 jobs. They are going to build a bridge and it will save or create 10,500 jobs. For those mathematicians who happen to be listening in the audience because we were always number one in math, that's less than $2,000 per job.
Now, I suppose you could create a lot of jobs if you are paying people 96 cents an hour, which is about what that works out to, but we're not in China or Mexico... yet. Who thinks this is legitimate? Apparently only the president and the media. Everybody else is, "You've got to be kidding me, right?" This is how we're creating or saving jobs. See, this is better, though, than my theory. My theory was on how he was going to say he saved all the jobs is he was just going to continue to take companies over and then every day he doesn't fire all of the people in that company, he saved jobs. Did the president call you today to fire you? Nope. Saved another job. I don't know, I was thinking about closing down an entire company, but I didn't. He saved another job. Congratulations. We have another stimulus package coming our way. This would be ‑‑ count them ‑‑ three. This is the third stimulus package. Let's not forget we had a stimulus package last summer and that stimulus package was going to be big enough to be able to jump start the economy. I told you at the time, waste of money; you cannot jumpstart the economy; it has to bottom out. No, no, no, if we just give money to pour people, they will spend it and that will jumpstart the economy. The only thing that happened is we racked up more debt because we didn't have the money to send people. Instead why don't we consider a tax break? No, because a tax break doesn't make you dependent on the government. A tax break, of course, isn't fair because there are people who don't pay taxes. And don't they deserve money? No.
So the first stimulus package happened under that great conservative George W. Bush and then the second stimulus package happened under that great fiscally responsible Democrat Barack Obama. And remember, if we don't pass this stimulus package, we won't survive. We passed it. He's saving 10,000 jobs per bridge. Everything has got to be sunshine and lollipops. I don't understand why we're at 9.6% unemployment. Is it 9.6 or 9.4? 9.4% unemployment because the stimulus passed. He said if we pass the stimulus, it will never go higher than 8. We passed it. Now all we're hearing about are all these green shoots. If I hear one more person ‑‑ I feel like I'm watching a bird's‑eye Chinese stir fry commercial. Stop with the green shoots. That's all I'm ever hearing about is green shoots, green shoots, green shoots, green shoots, green shoots. What? The stock market was going up, we're past that. The president was saying we're past this, we've turned the corner, looks like we've averted disaster. If we averted disaster, why are they now talking about a second stimulus ‑‑ I'm sorry, a third stimulus package? Why would we be considering that? The answer is they're lying to you. We're not past it. We are in a false bottom right now. This is euphoria. This is also the amount of money that we pushed out there. This is inflated dollars. The inflated dollars, the first place they go is to the stock market. There was no good news on the stock market. The stock market, "Gee, the Dow is going up. Looks like everything's fixed." No, they just took all of the sick companies out of the Dow. That is great so. It's like, "Do you realize that this hospital has the highest cure rate?" Does it really? "Yesterday we had 40 people in intensive care and they all had leprosy. Today no leprosy." You've got to be kidding me! That's great! How did you cure it? "We moved them to another hospital." That's all they're doing. And we're like, "Wow, you're a miracle worker." Well, just the job I do. You know, cure leprosy and sprout green shoots. By the way, we should make more leprosy medicine? Why? I thought you could cure it. I'm just saying we should make some more leprosy ‑‑ just keep it on hand.
And here's what's going to happen. You are going to be the Americans I know you are, and you are going to stand up and you are going to say, "No more stimulus package" and those people in congress, they are going to stand up and say, "You are right! It's corporate welfare!" By the way, we're not creating jobs. If we're counting jobs that the government is paying for, if we are ‑‑ if the way we're creating jobs is the government is hiring people to build things but they are only giving the money to the cities and then the cities are granting this money out, that's Caldwell fair. We don't have new jobs saved or created. That bridge in Ohio, that's not 10,500 new jobs. That's 10,500 new welfare recipients. That's what that is. They are taking money from me and giving it to the 10,500 people to build the bridge. Really? That seems like a really inefficient bridge. Jeez.
