GLENN: You know what my problem is? My problem is I'm way too optimistic. That's my problem. Everybody's like, "Oh, Glenn Beck, he's such a downer." Really? I'm too optimistic. Luckily Mark Sanford has come through and cured me of my optimism. Even though I have said we should throw all of the bums out, I secretly had this crazy hope that .00002% of politicians are actually good and decent human beings. No more. No more. I don't -- I'm cured. I'm cured. Fool me once, you know, shame on you. Fool me 145 million times, you know, I -- shame on me. Shame on me. You might think you have a good politician, because everybody does. Everybody's like, oh, yeah, but my guy -- well, no, not everybody. I live in Connecticut. We know. We got Chris Dodd. Hello! Is it possible, is it possible that you have a good politician representing you? I guess. I guess, but I mean, honestly, we've got to stop playing this game. The gods are just against us winning this game. Since everybody on the left is always, you know, whining if I use a Nazi reference, let me just try out just for a second here. If you're in Nazi, Germany, you're in the middle of the war and you have a vanload of Jews and you're trying to smuggle them out to safety, do you walk up to the nearest Nazi house and ask him to protect the Jews for you just for a little while? Of course not! Now, it's true that it is possible that you could get lucky enough to wind up knocking on the door of, you know, Oscar Schindler, but there's a pretty good shot you're not that lucky. Look how bad our options are in the situations like this. It's either believe the politician or believe the media. I think I'm going to hang myself. Of course, if Mark Sanford, you know, were in Argentina curing cancer in infants, the media would have reported the story exactly the same way. "He was with a girl, an underage girl. He was curing infants!" But this is the lesson to take from this. You might win the lottery if you buy a ticket but most likely, just like me, you're a big fat loser. But you still have better odds at winning that lottery than believing a politician is a good person and actually having them be a good person. Oh, why have I been cursed with this overwhelming optimism?
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Mark Sanford, I don't ever want to see you again. I don't want you to show up on my television, I don't -- I mean, I don't condemn you, I don't -- you know, everybody makes mistakes, everybody has problems, you know. Some of us aren't stupid enough to go to Argentina and think we can get away with it. I mean, I don't even begin to understand you. I don't even begin to understand you. I understand self-destructive. Believe me, brother, I've been there. I understand self-destructive behavior, I get it. But you know what? Don't even apply for the job because we've got enough self-destructive people around us, you know, helping us on the road of -- I mean, they're practically wiring bombs right now. They're practically -- you know, it's like our politicians are just doing -- wiring financial bombs everywhere. Barney Frank and Chris Dodd and Barack Obama and George Bush and the Republican Party and prescription drugs Part D and the border. It's just like, gee, hang on just a second; do we fasten the red wire or the yellow wire? You're supposed to be cutting the wires! So don't -- please, I don't need anybody else. We got plenty of dirtbags. We got plenty of people we can't trust. May I just beg the audience to please tell me that character does matter, please? "Well, Glenn, he's the best guy. He has the most potential. He has..." is he too big to fail? Nope. Nope. Buh-bye. Sayonara. I should have known. Do we happen to have the tape of Senator DeMint?
STU: Yes.
GLENN: I asked Senator DeMint two days ago, I said, would you vouch for his character? And Senator DeMint said... "I don't think I can vouch for his character. I mean..." he said, can anyone really vouch for someone else's character? Uh, yeah. Yeah, you can. I mean, sure, we don't know, you know, everything but yeah, pretty much. But he followed it with, can anybody really vouch for somebody's character? But let me just say this, "Mark and I are good, good friends." I mean, if you are good, good friends, yeah, I think you can vouch for somebody's character. And I just went, "Oh, okay. All right. Back in a minute." We went into commercial break and I looked at everybody. I looked at Oscar who is, he's on camera number 1 and I looked at Oscar and I said, "There's trouble there, huh? Don't you think?" He said, oh, yes.
STU: That was my turning point. I was down at the bookstore for the stupid bit we did the other day on the television show and I'm listening to this in my ear and I hear you ask this question and, you know, sometimes there's questions in these interviews that you have to ask the guys from South Carolina, you've got to ask it, but you find of feel like you know what the response is going to be. He's just going to be like, oh, yeah, he's a great guy, this is all media. I mean, you know --
GLENN: Well, I asked him two questions. I asked him two questions. I said, is this the media just going after this guy? And he's like, you know, well, you know... and he gave the typical answer to it. But the key on that question was the follow of, "Can you vouch for his character?"
STU: Because that, I was honestly expecting him to go, you know what, yes, he's a great guy. We all have things, I don't know everything about him, but he's a great guy." I expected something forceful enough to just -- I mean, these are two guys that in public life believe the, almost the exact same things.
GLENN: Yeah.
STU: They are both really strong conservatives.
GLENN: Yeah.
STU: You'd figure they would be close.
GLENN: Yeah.
STU: And he's like, well, I mean, you know, I don't know that we can vouch for someone's character but, you know...
GLENN: "I don't know. I don't know."
STU: That was my moment of change with that because as soon -- up to that point it didn't seem like they had anything substantial. It was just a bunch of sort of hearsay and bad PR response from their staff, which is understandable now.
GLENN: Can we -- can I just ask a question? Is there anyone within the sound of my voice that is serving or wants to serve that isn't a total dirt bag? I'm just, I'm -- you know, I'm willing to take, "All right, I've got a ton of parking tickets." Just not a dirt bag. An idiot or -- I don't know. Is it arrogance or idiocy? That this guy thought he could get away. He was -- do we have his love letters? We've got to read his love letters because they are -- oh, they're delicious, uh-huh.
STU: They really are fantastic.
GLENN: Yeah. Dan, I think I need some Barry White. Can you give me a little bit of Barry White, please? I know it takes a while to look at it, look for it, but --
STU: It brings a little bit of romance to the program.
GLENN: I mean, it's, you know, how many love letters are there?
STU: There's a lot actually.
GLENN: Jeez. How is he -- was it arrogance? Was it arrogance?
STU: Well, when there's a politician involved, I would say almost definitely yes. Of course, there's a large negotiate of arrogance. But I also believe that it's this whole thing of guys. It's like I don't understand at this point how women don't rule the world in every way because when you've got a guy, Mark Sanford, who could very well have been president of the United States in 2012 and yet he is willing to risk all of that for some stupid fling with some woman in Argentina, all of that power given up for this one thing, it shows how -- the power is concentrated with women in this world. They should be ruling it. I think they have done a terrible job not to roll it so far. They should run every company, they should --
GLENN: They already do. They already -- because they already do. Anybody who says, no, I'm -- mmm-hmmm. Really? My wife tells me this is what's happening? "Yes, dear."
STU: Yes, I understand that. But this is giving up the power of running the world for a trip to Argentina.
GLENN: Have you seen pictures of her yet?
STU: No, we have not but this is the first --
GLENN: She may be extraordinarily --
STU: What was the first thing you thought? Tell me that is not -- not one of the first but one of the first things you thought is what did she look like? This is --
GLENN: No, I didn't -- you know what, the first time I thought of it was right now.
STU: Really? Well, you're more of a -- or less of a man than I am, one of the two.
GLENN: No, I don't care. I just don't care anymore. Yesterday I was at my daughter's graduation, and I get a text message: Did you see the Sanford story. And I just wrote, dear God, no. And I looked at my wife and she said, "He's having an affair." And I got on my iPod and I pull up, you know, the Drudge Report and I look at it, and the only thing I said -- all I said to my wife, you know, I'm hearing pomp and circumstance and here comes my daughter and I'm like, she's got no future. She's got no future. I mean, these dirtbags that are running this country into the ground. And I look at my wife and I said, is there not a decent human being among us that's serving? Is there not a decent human being? And they are all, they are all -- you know, he's getting actually a claim from people saying, "Well, you know, at least he came out and told the truth and he wasn't playing the..." who cares! Who cares! You know the only thing I was excited about is that she wasn't standing next to him. Congratulations for throwing him out. Congratulations.
