GLENN: I'm confused, and I usually am, I know, but why do we keep doing the stories, you know, the science is settled on how global warming happened? I mean, why ‑‑ apparently word is out that there was a runaway spurt of global warming 55 million years ago that turned Earth into a hothouse. Hang on. A runaway spurt of global warming 55 million years that turned Earth into a hothouse. The planet surface temperature blasted upwards between 5 and 9 degrees Celsius ‑‑ that's 9 and 16.2 degrees Fahrenheit ‑‑ in just a few thousand years. On a side note the article explains manmade global warming, A/K/A what we're supposedly experiencing now is driven mainly by the burning of oil, gas and coal and has amounted to around .8 degrees Celsius, 1.2 Fahrenheit over the past century. You may recognize that as less than the 16.2 degrees that the Earth did all by its lonesome. And no one knows how or why.
My first thought obviously was those damn SUVs that they drove 55 million years ago. You know, they were run on ‑‑ they must have been huge gas guzzlers. Can you imagine packing a family of six ‑‑ that's when families were six. They would have six, eight, twelve children a long time ago. Can you imagine having twelve dinosaurs in one SUV? Goodness. Wait a minute, how would they take the dinosaur, squeeze him into oil and then put it into the SUV so the other dinosaurs ‑‑ oh, my goodness, Soylent Green. Citgo, it's dinosaurs! Oh, and the fact that Citgo didn't exist, we didn't exist, SUVs didn't exist 55 million years ago. So we have no idea. But it had to be some sort of manmade greenhouse gas, 55 million years ago. What seems clear is that a huge amount of heat‑trapping greenhouse gases natural ‑‑ I'm quoting ‑‑ natural as opposed to manmade were disgorged in a very short time.
So hang on just a second. Greenhouse gases can be natural? What? Who knew? I just thought we were, you know, we were the ones responsible. It was people that were just lighting a barbecue grill underneath all the thermometers from actually is part of the problem and cause of the temperature rise in some areas, but I digress. You would actually have to read things to be able to know that. So why are we learning this now? The never changing science on global warming sure is a changin'.
A trio of Earth scientists led by Richard Zeebe of the University of Hawaii tried to account for the carbon that was spewed out during the PETM ‑‑ that's what scientists call it when we're talking to you lay people. It's actually the Palaeocene‑Eocene Thermal Maximum, which is my favorite maximum, that and Maximum Ride. That James Patterson is fabulous. I'm not even going to bother with all of the scientific jargon here for you because... I'm going to pretend I don't understand it because I'm not a scientist, but I am a thinker. But probably the real reason is I'm, you know, it will change by the time I finish explaining it. So this is all you need to know from the article. Here it is. Our results imply a fundamental gap in our understanding about the amplitude of global warming. Hold on just a second. Quoting again from ‑‑ just say scientists.
GLENN: Thank you. Our results imply a fundamental gap in our understanding about the amplitude of global warming associated with a large and abrupt climate perturbations. This gap needs to be filled, this gap needs to be filled to confidently predict future climate change, which is weird because I'm pretty sure you were confident predicting the future of global warming. I'm sorry, global climate change. But who am I trying to be consistent? Clearly I'm not a scientist. I mean, carbon for everybody.
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