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GLENN: By the way there is here in New York ‑‑ hurry while you can. Here in New York Bloomberg has a way to save money. Now, a lot of people will say government always just solves one problem, but the problem that they are solving was a problem that they created when they tried to solve another problem. I think that's ridiculous, and here's the example. Bloomberg has decided that it would behoove the city of New York to give moving expenses, bus fare, airfare to the homeless people if they would move out of the city. So in other words, I always wanted to live in Florida. They send you to Florida. Congratulations. You are now moving to Florida. If you have a relative some place else that will promise they will take you in, they will send you there, for free.
Let me ask you this. Your relative that allowed you to live on the street. So that's either a relative who is not probably the best caregiver, doesn't really care about you, or a relative that is so poor, they couldn't afford a bus ticket, southwest airlines, some way train ticket, anything to get you off of the street to have them live with you.
GLENN: If they couldn't afford the ticket to get you there, how are they going to afford the monthly expense of having you join them at their house?
STU: Well, Glenn, as you know the dividing line between homelessness and nonhomelessness is always a bus ticket cost.
GLENN: That's what it is.
STU: That's what it is. It's always ‑‑
GLENN: That's what it is. I wish we would have thought of this one earlier. Now, here's where I think, if we just say this to the politicians, they will go there. Let's solve two problems. Vegas is having a problem becoming conventions because President Obama said whatever you do, don't go to Vegas or Orlando. He said that to the business community. So then when the government became the business community, they can't book anything there. So now Vegas is dying. Translation: They have all of these empty hotel rooms. Why doesn't Bloomberg send all the homeless to Vegas?
STU: The venetian's very nice.
GLENN: Very nice. If we give them a few spending dollars, some of them might hit it big.
STU: Homeless night at the Bellagio. I like it.
GLENN: I'm just thinking out loud here.
STU: That new hotel could be the largest shelter in the world.
GLENN: Now, let me solve another problem. Bloomberg, you got me going here. I think that's a good idea.
STU: But this is a problem‑solver, Glenn, remember, we're closing streets to stop traffic. We know the problems can be solved by this guy. You think you can do better?
GLENN: See, a lot of people, the rest of the country will say, that's ridiculous. What do you mean closing a street to solve the traffic problems? That's what Bloomberg has done. The studio windows look right into Times Square. It's beautiful, especially this time of year when the smell of vomit goes up 54 floors. So it is the crossroads of New York.
STU: Of the world.
GLENN: Crossroads of the world. Pat, you moved here two weeks ago. We drive through Times Square every day and what is it that you say every day?
PAT: How much I hate?
GLENN: No, no, no, no. Shhh. No. The sea of humanity.
PAT: Yes, true.
GLENN: Every day he's like, there are so many people here.
GLENN: It is so crowded. It takes us 10 minutes just to get across Times Square. Okay?
GLENN: The way to solve that, according to Mayor Bloomberg, is to close one of the streets that run parallel in Times Square.
PAT: Perfect solution.
GLENN: You've got Seventh and Broadway, right? They run in through Times Square. He closed one of them off. Now, I'm trying to figure out exactly how closing a street helps with congestion on traffic, but he's obviously smarter than I am. So let me just hear from Punyville. Speak up to the big Lord man in the sky named Michael Bloomberg. Well, he's kind of like the son. The father, of course, is Barack Obama, but the son, Michael Bloomberg, he's such a genius. Michael, here's what you do. You are going to solve Barack Obama's problem of destroying Vegas by getting into business to solve another problem. But let's not track that tree down. You are going to solve his problem of destroying Vegas if you will just send all the homeless people to Vegas. Now, may I suggest you also seem to be mighty fearful of guns. I hope we don't find out, Mayor Bloomberg, that you have a concealed carry permit or you have a gun. Oh, I just hope that never happens. I ‑‑ oh, no, we never will find that out.
So anyway, Mayor Bloomberg, I would just like to say you have this fear of guns and you are so right. People don't kill people. Guns do. So what you do is you give all of the guns from New York, give those to the homeless people. Put them on planes. Send them to Vegas because you can carry guns in Vegas! Nevada, you can carry guns. You can't in New York. So let's get all those guns and have them carry them to Vegas. Now, that may cause a problem, to use his own words, when people can just carry guns into movie theatres and restaurants. I know. It's weird, isn't it? But maybe all of those irresponsible homeless people that you just can't wait to get rid of will be so irresponsible, they will just kill each other with the guns, in another state which will make your state look even better. Prove your point on guns and solve the homeless and Vegas occupancy laws. This is fantastic. I'm just trying to help you out.& nbsp; I know you're working overtime on closing streets to solve congestion.
STU: You are also a magician, Glenn.
GLENN: That's what you need to be now to be a politician.