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VOICE: The Glenn Beck program presents more truth behind America's March to Socialism.
GLENN: You got a clunker of a car? The government wants to pay for it. Yes, get rid of that junkie car and get money for it. Sounds too good to be true? Nonsense. That's never a problem. When you think it over and realize the federal government is practically burning money, and who else would spend money on crappy cars but the federal government. So yes, it is true and it's all good. The cash for clunkers program is in effect at an estimated cost of 2 to 3 ‑‑ I'm sorry, $3 to $4 billion. All you have to do is bring your car to a dealership near you and collect $4500 in free money. It's just that easy. Well, sort of. There is a catch in the fine print: If the transaction qualifies, the dealership will receive the sum direct from the government. Hmmm. If it qualifies. How does one determine if the transaction qualifies? That's easy. Enter government efficiency. A government document entitled Requirements and Procedures for Consumer Assistance to Recycle and Save program.
Yes, it's got and you would handy requirements the dealer needs to find out if the transaction qualifies. It's all right there, in a 136‑page book. It says ‑‑ well, 136 brief pages. I mean, for a $4500 credit that's $33 a page. It's really a flawless plan, it really is. And in no way does it make me nervous for the, you know, the existence of trees once the healthcare bill or energy bill is passed. The trees aren't shaking right now, uh‑uh. Now evil conservative critics, you know, those gas guzzling rapists ‑‑ don't worry, we'll put them out of their misery soon, they will point out that under the cash for clunkers plan people are being encouraged to take cars that run perfectly fine and to have their engines intentionally seized and then shredded and smashed into a cube. Some would say that sounds wasteful. Some would say there's plenty of people who desperately need transportation and could use those cars that are working perfectly fine. Some will say even if we didn't give those cars to people who needed them, we're causing an artificial shortage of affordable used cars which will drive their prices up and make them less affordable.
Some would also say that since the government requires that the cars get crushed and shredded, small auto recycling businesses whose main source of income comes from recycling used engines and drivetrains are being hurt by this government and its programs. Some would also say that incentivizing people to dump cars, they likely have a low payment on or no payment at all in favor of a newer car with a bigger payment is fiscally irresponsible. It's a smaller version of, "Hey, forget about that whole down payment thing. Buy the house." But obviously those critics are flat earthers and are paranoid kooks. Go back. Reread the 136‑page cash for clunkers qualification requirement document, and it's all laid out there in plain, perfectly ‑‑ I mean, it's so easy to understand. You know, it's just, you know, the mind‑melting, car‑crushing economy disintegrating legalese that it's printed that that you go, oh, I get it; it all made sense to me now.
VOICE: That was even more overwhelming evidence that we are destined to be a bunch of socialist pigs very, very soon on the Glenn Beck program.