The Obama National Anthem...
GLENN: Well, hello. Third most listened to show in all of America. My name is Glenn Beck, from Radio City in Midtown Manhattan. I'm glad you're here. It is Friday. And yesterday we had... (slurping). We had a beer summit and it was great, wasn't it? Here's what happened. The president got everybody together. Nobody admitted they were wrong. Nobody apologized. Problem solved. What I'm saying.
STU: This is as good as his foreign policy. This is what he's going to do with Iran. You get together with them, both kind of just talk, have a beer and nothing will happen, they will build some nukes and we'll all be fine.
GLENN: I mean, not everybody will be fine. Some will be more than fine. Some will be made into glass.
STU: I mean, a few million here or there.
PAT: We'll agree to disagree with Iran and North Korea.
GLENN: And get together. I'd love to hear the conversations because Crowley and gates agreed to disagree. One called him a racist. One said it was just a white man trying to level the playing field because he was jealous of a back man being a professor at Harvard. And then they agreed to disagree on that. Nobody apologized. And so but they did say they were going to talk a lot on the phone. Now, I'd just like to know what that conversation is like. I mean, is it like, hey, professor, what are you doing?
PAT: Pretty good. How are you?
GLENN: Mmm, I'm okay.
PAT: What... is new since last we talked, you know, at the table?
PAT: That's good. Let's do this again.
PAT: Bye bye.
GLENN: I mean, what is that? What are they going to say to each other? It's going to be the most ridiculous conversation I've ever heard. Then Crowley came out and said, hey, the president really didn't take a stand. He didn't take a stand? He wasn't really involved? What was this all about? He took a stand earlier.
STU: It just seems like there would be a bunch of awkwardness. It reminds me of Back to the Future which in one of the Back to the Future sequels no, maybe it was the end of the first one where Biff is washing and waxing the car. Remember this? And like they are all kind of talking to each other and saying, hey, Biff, make sure you get both coats on there. This guy tried to rape your wife a few years ago. Do you remember this? Remember this situation? You had to punch him in the face? He was raping your wife in a car outside your high school and now you're just hanging out with him and he's waxing your car? Like you have this nice little business relationship? The man was an attempted rapist.
GLENN: So what you are saying, are you comparing Professor Gates with Biff Tanner?
STU: I'm just saying that there's controversy between the two.
GLENN: You are not going to get this kind of astute political commentary any place else.
STU: Anywhere else.
GLENN: Not going to get this from number one, certainly. Number two, uh uh.
STU: My point is here that they both think each other did horrible things. One of them is accusing him of racism, the other one is a racist to these two people. What are they going to hang out and talk about, honestly?
GLENN: I'm trying to figure out which one of these is a racist. One of these things just doesn't belong. I'd like to play that on Sesame Street, "One of these things just doesn't belong." Put all three of them up there and then you pick the one that's not a racist.
PAT: Biden. Biden was the one that's not the racist. He was there.
GLENN: Was he there?
PAT: Joe Biden was there.
GLENN: (Slurring). Beer, whew!
BIDEN: The Villages, America's friendliest home towns. The Villages, America's friendliest hometown.
GLENN: Maybe all of them could have done this. The Villages!
STU: It never gets old, audio.
GLENN: Then, do you have the other audio in Pat's audio vault?
GLENN: Do you have the other audio of Joe Biden when he came out on the campaign trail? I swear to you I'm not convinced The Villages song is Joe Biden but they have never denied it.
PAT: No, they haven't.
GLENN: But this one is so he's so clearly, as a recovering alcoholic, I know hammered. Listen to this.
BIDEN: Hello, folks! My name's Joe Biden. I'm from Scranton, Pennsylvania.
BIDEN: I'm a senator because the first guys to endorse me in 1972 were the United Steel Workers of America. The only reason I'm a senator.
GLENN: The only reason.
BIDEN: This is my wife Jill or actually I'm her husband. And I'll introduce the next two people in their order of importance. The first and most important part, Michelle Obama.
GLENN: Say she's hot. Say she's hot.
BIDEN: Did you hear her speech at the convention? I tell you, man, I always liked Barack but I love her.
GLENN: I love her.
BIDEN: I know you don't know much about her, doesn't draw very big crowds or anything like that. A guy from Illinois named Barack Obama.
GLENN: (Slurring). I've been with the union since 1972, how could I... all of a sudden he comes waltzing in, community organizer. I've been here fighting for the damn unions and, ooh, she's hot. Hi, sweet, what's your name? Did I just say that out loud? I'm having a problem with my inner dialogue.
STU: That's what it sounds like in your inner dialogue? No wonder you're stumbling around all the time.
GLENN: Sometimes, sometimes I find myself saying something and it's like, shoot, I shouldn't have said that.
STU: (Laughing). And you almost should have said well, forget it.
GLENN: What? So I'm glad they had the beer thing. I feel better as a nation. Don't you think we're healed? Especially after I mean, we have to play this one more time. It's exclusive audio that nobody it's exclusive audio that nobody's playing. I mean, this is when he said they just acted stupidly, President Obama knew, you know, he knew about some of the tapes that had been out there on Crowley that have not been released. Well, we did some digging and we found them and here it is.
(Obama National Anthem playing)