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GLENN: Arguing With Idiots. You know, I really got to learn the name of this damn book.
PAT: That would be good.
STU: Arguing With Idiots.
GLENN: Can I tell you something? Once you see the cover of this book, you don't have to we are about the name. Somebody said to me ‑‑ they actually didn't say to me. They said to one of the ‑‑ the book editor said that he was talking to somebody and they were like, oh, my gosh! They are going to rip this cover apart! Look at ‑‑ why would he do that? Why would Glenn pose like that? That will be ‑‑ they will show that cover on every TV station and magazine and everything.
PAT: Oh, no.
GLENN: Over and over again.
PAT: Don't do that, please!
GLENN: I hate that. I hate that.
PAT: Bad to see it on ‑‑
GLENN: You really don't even have to worry about the names. You really don't even have to worry about the names. Arguing With Idiots, new book, comes out September 22nd. Arm you with the facts. In fact, there are 25 pages of fine print footnotes at the end of the book because I learned from the last book we did that, you know, your kids will take this and they will take these facts, or you will be quoting. There's so many facts there. You are going to be quoting them to your friends, and the last thing you want to do is when they say, "Where did you get that fact?" Say "Glenn Beck." So we gave you all the footnotes so we can do your own research so you can quote the New York Times.
All right. This is going to enable you to win the arguments that you find yourself in inevitably when your idiot friend says something like...
PAT: Yeah, Mr. Beck, can you hear me?
GLENN: You are sitting right next to me. Yes, I can hear you. Of course I can.
PAT: Well, I was listening to your show. Hello?
GLENN: Yes, you're there.
GLENN: Go ahead. You're in the room. I don't know if you ‑‑
PAT: Oh. Well, yeah, okay. Well, anyway.
PAT: I'm detecting that, you know, you are doing your usual nasty sarcastic blowhard routine today; am I right?
GLENN: No, no. I mean, what are you talking about specifically?
PAT: Well, as if you didn't know. Barack Obama's latest genius move when you are not even talking about.
GLENN: What is that?
PAT: Ben Bernanke. He's done such a wonderful job overseeing and fixing the worst economy since the Black Plague of the early 15th century. He is continuing now as Federal Reserve chairman. I've noticed you've conveniently not talked about this brilliant move on the part of the president.
GLENN: Yeah, are you saying that Ben Bernanke's fixed this economy?
PAT: Oh, as if you didn't know that. Are you this stupid? Are you that blind? Is there a panful of pork chops blocking your view this morning?
GLENN: I mean, is this really necessary? I mean, tell me exactly how Ben Bernanke has fixed the economy.
PAT: All right. Let me talk super slowly so you can understand.
GLENN: Is this Bill Maher?
PAT: We have an incredibly low unemployment rate of 9 1/2% or so right now.
GLENN: I can't wait until some idiot makes this one. Really? 9.5%, that's a low unemployment rate, huh?
PAT: You know it is, Mr. Beck. Don't pretend. Had Ben Bernanke not acted in the masterful way he did, you know this as well as I do, we would have lost about 294 1/2 million jobs. Our unemployment rate would be well over 39% right now.
GLENN: Right, right.
PAT: If you do the math.
GLENN: Why are we even talking about unemployment? What does a Fed chair have to do with those numbers? How about this one? You know, he's responsible for telling the truth. He lied about not monetizing our debt to congress and nobody's really talked about that. How about the fact that the Fed has spent and lost track of $9 trillion since just last fall? $9 trillion. Is that a job well done?
PAT: Look, if filthy rich cats, fat cats like you would just pay your fair share, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
GLENN: See, this is when you'll say, oh, I love that he brought up the fair share thing. As you can see, spelled out right on the top of Page 191 of the new book Arguing With Idiots, the top 1% of wage earners in this country pay 40% of the total tax burden.
PAT: Oh, boohoo, and they have, what, like 99% of the wealth.
GLENN: We can find that on Page 191. Try 18% of the wealth.
PAT: Oh, okay. Let me go to Page 38 billion 329 million of I Hate the Hateful Hate Monger Hater Glenn Beck! He's a big fat lying liar who lies, tub of fat lying dude. Fat, lying...